She's separating from me.
@quarternoes (236)
Indianapolis, Indiana
February 3, 2016 9:02pm CST
If you know anything about me, you know that I gave up my own world to see my daughter smile. I raised her from the time she was 4 until this last November, when her mom started taking her longer than the usual Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday morning.
I stopped chasing dreams to pay for her things. I had to work temp until she was old enough to actually get off the bus and walk across the street herself to her Mom's house because her mom just wouldn't help. I made sure her mom kept her job, even though we no longer stayed together.
Ever since November, my daughter has been treating me like we have a BIG issue. I bought her first phone then, and now I'm paying a double cell phone bill. I'm still the one who takes her to the doc, to the dentist, and to her activities.
But she is now separating from me. She won't tell me why. She wants to be with mom now, and it's breaking my heart. I've spoiled that kid to no limits, yet, I'm now getting no respect. The fact that I had a dream spanking her non-stop didn't help either. A nightmare I hope to never see again. I tried everything.
Any suggestions? Personally, I think I need to bring her back home and start treating my joy of love, more like a teenager. I hate to do this, but I don't like this kind of hurt from my closest and best friend....my daughter.
The picture is her. I made it for her youtube channel.
7 people like this
7 responses
@missjessicadawn (3286)
• United States
4 Feb 16
It sounds to me like she's just being a typical teenager. In my family, my dad was also the one who took care of me while my mother did nothing. I also went through a spell where I didn't show much appreciation for my dad. Once I grew up, I realized how much he was really there for me when I didn't pay attention. I am so appreciative of him now. Give her time and I'm sure things will right themselves. Continue to do the right thing and show her that you're always there for her. She'll catch on. :-)
2 people like this
@quarternoes (236)
• Indianapolis, Indiana
4 Feb 16
Deep down. I think so too, but I just don't like the disrespect I've been getting lately. i truly feel that she will one day see this, but I hate this phase of it. My dad was the same way.
@yukimori (10145)
• United States
4 Feb 16
It's a bit strange that you're referring to her decision to spend more time with her mother as her "separating" from you. That's typically a word choice that one reserves for the end of a romantic relationship, not their child choosing to spend more time with their other parent.
Have you considered discussing the situation with a therapist? It seems like you might really benefit from it.
1 person likes this
@yukimori (10145)
• United States
4 Feb 16
@quarternoes Her mom may be narcissistic, but all I'm reading in your posts is how [i]you're[/b] affected by your daughter's behavior and the changes are hurting you. There's also an obvious tone of emotional incest in your posts, as evidenced by the way you say that your 12-year-old daughter is "separating" from you like a romantic partner would.
She's not separating from you. She's on the verge of being a teenager, and it's perfectly natural for kids to begin to pull away from their parents at her age. She's either hit puberty or very close to it. Let's face it--most of us probably wouldn't have felt comfortable discussing that sort of thing with our dads.
There's also a possibility that she's seeing that her relationship with you hasn't been normal (based on interactions with her peers) and that's making her feel extremely awkward and self-conscious about it.
You really could benefit from some sessions with a therapist. It's not normal for a grown man to consider his preteen daughter his closest and best friend.
@quarternoes (236)
• Indianapolis, Indiana
4 Feb 16
@yukimori OH, I'm sill Dad. I set the rules, but she is actually a great kid and we became buddies, in a sense have friends, but I've been her rock, and we were close enough to talk to each other in he past. When you get along with your siblings like we do, it's normal. It might be rare, but it's normal. Her peers are the church, and her friends see me like any other Dad.\;loving and kind to them.
I just know, that after I let her mom step up, she has changed dramatically. I know how narcissism works. I wrote a story on it. Therapy isn't the solution. I'm just sad to see this change.
@quarternoes (236)
• Indianapolis, Indiana
4 Feb 16
Actually, I'm glad her mom has a role in her life. Her mom is narcissistic, and only thinks of herself. My problem is things like, she used to kiss me goodnight, no more. She used to tell me she loves me, no more. She doesn't want to come home anymore and she drew a picture of her crying, then left in on her bed.
I also watched hr mom scream at her no long ago......a self-esteem breaker.
I think her mom is hurting our relationship, and hr mom needs the therapist.....honestly
@irishidid (8687)
• United States
4 Feb 16
I wouldn't worry too much. They all go through that stage. Just a part of growing up. Set some ground rules, but be fair and stop spoiling her. She'll come around.
1 person likes this
@quarternoes (236)
• Indianapolis, Indiana
4 Feb 16
The spoiling part stopped about a month ago. I can't spoil a disrespectful child, not even my own.
@louievill (28851)
• Philippines
4 Feb 16
I think you should just give everything "time" first and see what happens, I'm very sorry for what you are undergoing thru right now.
1 person likes this
@Letranknight2015 (51969)
• Philippines
4 Feb 16
Let's see what happens when her mom starts to treat her differently. I can tell she will miss you dearly and come right back. she probably was just impulsive or something, im sure she'll regret it in the end.
1 person likes this
@quarternoes (236)
• Indianapolis, Indiana
4 Feb 16
I do, and she's 12. Having her late in life kept me from making the normal dumb mistakes most young couples did.
1 person likes this
@Shiva49 (26690)
• Singapore
8 Feb 16
That is indeed tough for a parent when children behave no more like children, drift away, wanting their own space. When they have their own children they will know why their parents worried about them!
I feel you should have a chat and tell her you do not intend to invade her private space as long as she can take care of herself. I understand your emotions - siva
