A Smile Can Hide The Biggest Things ... and It's Invisible
@GrannyGee (3517)
Louisburg, North Carolina
February 13, 2016 5:59pm CST
For the past five years I've been grieving for my only child, Tommy. I've hidden my pain with a smile. Not only that ... I've been very positive during the worst time of my life.
My smile is an invisible cloak ... it hides my pain. People never bother to look past that smile. Try it sometimes ... smile when you are upset ... people will be attracted to your smile ... not look any farther. That's been my experience in my life. I'm glad because ... I 'don't have to talk about it'. They see the smile, go on.
I'm not one to talk to others about my grief, pain ... problems. I do write about these things to release all through my fingertips. When someone reads what I write ... they can simply move on to someone else's story ... forget mine. I've done my part ... I entertained for a few moments.
Not only that ... I hope I've made a positive impact on someone's life ... if not ... that's okay ... maybe they'll comment, make a positive impact ... on my life.
I don't write to gain sympathy ... when I write about all the 'bad' things that have happened in my life. What has happened to me in the past has become my stories of ... today. So, don't feel like you have to feel sorry for me ... this person doesn't want that. I'm writing to release pain ... I don't have to let it build up inside me. I give you a story to read 
.
I don't think I could have survived the death of my son ... if I hadn't had my writing to turn to ... my readers to be there for me. So, know this one person treasures each and every friend she makes through her writing.
I look forward to getting used to writing here. I've written on several sites only for it all to go 'bad' ... I didn't think I'd ever write on another site until my dear friend, Anice Gayle Harrelson Jones, invited me to. She told me about everyone here ... and made me want to write here
I'm happy to be here, I look forward to meeting all of you. I am seeing some familiar names in the short time I've been here.
So, this time my isn't hiding anything sad ... I'm happy to be here.
.
I don't think I could have survived the death of my son ... if I hadn't had my writing to turn to ... my readers to be there for me. So, know this one person treasures each and every friend she makes through her writing.
I look forward to getting used to writing here. I've written on several sites only for it all to go 'bad' ... I didn't think I'd ever write on another site until my dear friend, Anice Gayle Harrelson Jones, invited me to. She told me about everyone here ... and made me want to write here
I'm happy to be here, I look forward to meeting all of you. I am seeing some familiar names in the short time I've been here.
So, this time my isn't hiding anything sad ... I'm happy to be here.43 people like this
41 responses
@vandana7 (100638)
• India
14 Feb 16
I am so sorry..hugs...yes, I guess we move on...after a brief moment...we do. We only understand our pains fully. But trust me...it is not entertainment for us as you put it. It would be more of ..avoiding harsh realities that can be depressing? I am glad you like us..I am vanny..or you could call me vandy. I fool around and once in while touch serious issues. I found fooling around makes people happy...and me too. So though basically I am mature...I pretend to be otherwise. Nice knowing you.
6 people like this
@vandana7 (100638)
• India
14 Feb 16
@TiarasOceanView ..Happy Valentine day to you too sweetie..hugs.
2 people like this
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
14 Feb 16
Hello dear friend Vandy..Happy Valentines to you dear one xo
2 people like this
@GrannyGee (3517)
• Louisburg, North Carolina
14 Feb 16
It's nice to meet you, Vanny. No, grief isn't entertainment ... but, for the time someone reads ... it occupies them. I think maybe the word 'entertainment' may have been a poor choice of words ... I apologize. You made me look at it ... I guess I was thinking in the respect that people read to be entertained one way or other. Thank you for pointing that out to me.
2 people like this
@GrannyGee (3517)
• Louisburg, North Carolina
14 Feb 16
Thank you, Judy. So far I am loving how people communicate here ... it's like walking up to a cheerful fireplace ... warmth, cozy.
3 people like this
@Juliaacv (51538)
• Canada
14 Feb 16
Welcome to My Lot! I hope that you enjoy the site, you'll be warmly welcomed by many I'm sure.
I can understand your grief, next Monday, our daughter would have been 25 years old. She had heart disease. My husband and I were always very private and positive about our loss. It has allowed us to live our lives without answering questions, and well, you know how it goes.
So, I will look forward to reading some great discussions from you, and again, I welcome you!
4 people like this
@Juliaacv (51538)
• Canada
14 Feb 16
@GrannyGee Well thank you! And your comment made me smile nice and big too. I'm so glad that you've joined us here, and am counting many great discussions and interactions together!
4 people like this
@GrannyGee (3517)
• Louisburg, North Carolina
14 Feb 16
Thank you, Julia! I look forward to knowing you and the others here. I'm honored!
You've made me smile a happy smile.
3 people like this
@akalinus (43366)
• United States
14 Feb 16
I can understand and identify with your pain. I lost a child and a grandchild but have after many years finally relegated past things to the past. I also take solace in writing but choose to write about things that make people happy or make them laugh.
I am glad to meet you and happy you are here. I hope we can be great friends.
4 people like this
@GrannyGee (3517)
• Louisburg, North Carolina
14 Feb 16
I look forward to being great friends, Jo Ann. You've lost two special people in your life, I'm so sorry. I look forward to reading your happy things. I know a lot of times my writings are sad ... but, they are in a good way ... a positive way because I am a positive person. Your writing brings laughter ... mine brings tears
4 people like this
@akalinus (43366)
• United States
14 Feb 16
@GrannyGee I have written oceans of tears over the years. I decided that there is so much depressing stuff around that I would try to write inspiring things that encourage people.
2 people like this
@anh101 (1379)
•
14 Feb 16
how should I say, thank you for joining mylot with us. Time will heal your loss and be smiling. My mom also lost the first child when it's not born. 20 years later means when I am 20, she told me about that, and I feel sad since I've always want to have more brothers.
God Blessed Everyone With Love
5 people like this
@GrannyGee (3517)
• Louisburg, North Carolina
14 Feb 16
Thank you, Anh. Yes, time does heal one's loss.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
14 Feb 16
Losing a loved one is one of the deepest pains we can endure. I cannot fathom the ache of losing a child. However, I can tell you, that due to the ravages of addiction, I have almost lost loved ones, I pray that it is a call I never receive.
Writing and sharing is a good way to release the pain, the sorrow, the heartache. This is a great place to do so. Welcome. Big hugs to you.
2 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
14 Feb 16
@GrannyGee sweetie I feel your pain. I am glad that you found writing to help you along. They say God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I guess he is testing our strength. My knees have buckled, but I go on, even if I have to crawl.
1 person likes this
@ramapo17 (30441)
• Melbourne, Florida
15 Feb 16
@GrannyGee Thank goodness you did have something to give you a little time of fun in the middle of all your grieving.
2 people like this
@GrannyGee (3517)
• Louisburg, North Carolina
14 Feb 16
I agree with all you wrote. Thank you :)
1 person likes this
@GrannyGee (3517)
• Louisburg, North Carolina
14 Feb 16
Yes, that's what makes it so Special here, meeting up with old friends :)
3 people like this
@GrannyGee (3517)
• Louisburg, North Carolina
14 Feb 16
Thank you, Wendy. I look forward to getting lost in my writing world here.
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
14 Feb 16
@GrannyGee I hope you will enjoy it here. :)
2 people like this
@ramapo17 (30441)
• Melbourne, Florida
14 Feb 16
@GrannyGee I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I cannot even begin to know how it feels but a few years ago I almost had a very tragic loss.
My daughter gave birth to my second grandson and within a few hours after the birth she was alerted that something was seriously wrong with him. He was 11 pounds and looked as healthy as could be but as the hours passed, my daughter knew something was not right. He was her second child so she knew what things should have been.
To make a long story short, the hospital he was born in could not figure out what was wrong so they sent him in the incubator, in an ambulance to a hospital with better equipment and doctors. That was an hour from the original hospital. After 3 days there, he was flown by helicopter to another hospital that was 3 hours away by car. I drove my daughter and son-in-law on that long ride.
That hospital was the worst experience we had ever imagined and the end result after 3 more weeks, he had open heart surgery and he was only a month old. He had 5 holes in his heart and they were able to close all but 1. He still is checked by cardiologist 2 times a year and does have restrictions. He is now 15 and is the sweetest boy with a "heart of gold". Before his 2nd birthday, he had 2 more operations.
Losing a child or grandchild is the worst experience and pain anyone could have. I saw so many families losing their children at the hospitals and I was feeling the pain with them.
God only takes special people to be with him and help him with other families that need
need help. Know your son is in a better place and I am sure he is looking down at you everyday.
I am so sorry for all the pain you have. To this day my daughter and I cannot even talk about this to others without getting emotional, it is something we will never get over but are so grateful he is still with us.
3 people like this
@GrannyGee (3517)
• Louisburg, North Carolina
14 Feb 16
Oh my .... my Heart was breaking reading your story and what you all must have experienced. I can't tell you how happy I was to read that your grandson survived all that. I'm so glad. 'A heart of gold' and age 15 now ... he's a miracle :)
3 people like this
@tuttiharris (1338)
• Chattanooga, Tennessee
14 Feb 16
I love your post...and sorry someone has not taken you in their arms and just held you for a second and told you they really care. I lost my youngest son, Jimmy,and of course, today, that love for him is still in my heart, but God has given me a way to walk with this loss and still move on and love as long as I journey this earth. Bless you my sweet friend. Have a wonderful day.. Hugs to you.
3 people like this
@akalinus (43366)
• United States
14 Feb 16
So sorry you lost your son, Jimmy. Yes, we have to keep going on because there is always work. After my daughter's service, I had to go home and make dinner because the younger kids were hungry. Life goes on, but is never the same again.
2 people like this
@GrannyGee (3517)
• Louisburg, North Carolina
14 Feb 16
Thank you for your kind words. I'm so sorry about your Jimmy. :)
3 people like this
@whiteream (8567)
• United States
14 Feb 16
You have such a beautiful smile, I am so glad, you are here. I have missed reading your posts.
2 people like this
@GrannyGee (3517)
• Louisburg, North Carolina
14 Feb 16
I'm so happy to see you :) It means so much to meet up with old friends ... I look forward to writing here.
1 person likes this
@fishtiger58 (29820)
• Momence, Illinois
14 Feb 16
Welcome I hope you enjoy it here. I am very sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine losing a child.
3 people like this
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
19 Feb 16
So very sorry to hear what you have been through, being a mother I can imagine what pain and torture it is to lose your child, no words to describe it ! You have to find solace somewhere and it is good that you are doing through writing and interacting here ! It may help you a little to come to terms with your loss..
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
19 Feb 16
@GrannyGee True, we all have to go through life and one is never sure what is in store for us ...I admire your strength
1 person likes this
@GrannyGee (3517)
• Louisburg, North Carolina
19 Feb 16
Thank you, @kiran8 ... I have come to terms with my loss ... Tommy has been gone for 5 years now. I'm at peace now. I do keep my promise to all my readers that when grief strikes ... I will always write about it. I tell it like it really is. My blog was born from grief, pain ... and I know it best in my life. Don't worry ... I write about it all in a positive way ... I am a positive person :) I am honestly ... okay. Thank you for your precious words and caring. I love all of you here ... my biggest problem today is how to handle 'old age' and getting resources to get on an even keel since my husband has had a stroke, and heart condition that required a pacemaker. Guess what? I'll get through this, too ... I'm just trying to find the right path to get on :)
1 person likes this
@GrannyGee (3517)
• Louisburg, North Carolina
19 Feb 16
@kiran8 Thank you ... you are so right ... we have to do the best we possibly can.
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
14 Feb 16
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved son friend.
It is not something that goes away.
I admire your strength in dealing with this devastating loss.
1 person likes this
@LeaPea2417 (37384)
• Toccoa, Georgia
14 Feb 16
I am very sorry for your loss. I have not lost a child but in a way I feel like I have lost a son because he is making very unwise choices and going down a path of self destruction. It is good he is still alive because I do still pray for him and I know God can change him.
2 people like this
@Butchcass4 (5895)
• United States
4 Mar 16
I'm glad your hear and thank you for sharing your pain. I pray God will heal your pain and bless you in all you've endured. You are an amazing woman and I am glad you are a myLotter!
1 person likes this
@Butchcass4 (5895)
• United States
7 Mar 16
@GrannyGee You are most welcomed. Jesus Christ loves you very much and you are precious in His sight. John 3:16 says; "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son that whoever BELIEVES in Him will not perish but have eternal life! Do you believe in Him?
1 person likes this
@GrannyGee (3517)
• Louisburg, North Carolina
7 Mar 16
@Butchcass4 Oh yes, of course ... I believe in him :)
@GrannyGee (3517)
• Louisburg, North Carolina
4 Mar 16
I am honored you would say that. Thank you very much, that means the world to me.
1 person likes this
@garymarsh6 (23412)
• United Kingdom
14 Feb 16
There is very little I can say about your loss as I have never experienced something like that. I can not even imagine the pain that you have gone through. I am so pleased that you have found a channel to off load your grief. Each of us deals with grief in different ways so if you have found this way of benefit to you well done. I hope you enjoy your time here. There are some really lovely people here who will befriend you and hopefully help make things a bit more bearable. My best wishes to you!
2 people like this
@GrannyGee (3517)
• Louisburg, North Carolina
14 Feb 16
I understand well as I've lost everyone in my family that I loved dearly. I have my husband, Skip and our two Pups ... that's my whole world now. I'm so sorry for your loss, also. Thank you for caring about mine. Gloria
