Moments to Forget

February 13, 2016 9:33pm CST
I wish I could forget those moments... those moments on 12/31/12... the day my son died. sometimes the traumatic moments of that horrific morning pop into my head without warning. then i usually wallow in them for a bit. remembering the terror of it. the agony. the hell. then i try to shut it down. i push it back in my head, my throat, down as deep as it will go for awhile until that moment returns... it will return, of course. it will return without warning. those moments are now a part of me.
23 people like this
22 responses
@Ladypeace (2028)
• Singapore
14 Feb 16
I really wasn't expecting this. I'm sad and sorry to learn that your son has passed away. I don't think I will be able to get over it. I pray that you will be strong and allow your wounds to heal.
4 people like this
14 Feb 16
thank you. it's the worst think that could ever happen. he was only 13
4 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Feb 16
that is it you have to let htat heal go past that day movepn as t a s to bepput ased ik kow I remember thenoght she ded but I can ot dwellon t anyh longer as ts been years she would be 54 now
4 people like this
14 Feb 16
@Hatley yes, i have to continue living, but i will never move on from loving and missing my son. the moments of dwelling on that day happen less often now, but they still happen.
4 people like this
@Tampa_girl7 (50257)
• United States
14 Feb 16
He lives on through you remembering him. I pray for you that the pain will ease with each passing day. Through Bubblews and now Mylott I feel that I have gotten to know Nolan a bit through you.
4 people like this
14 Feb 16
thanks marie! i want to share Nolan with people so he is never forgotten.
3 people like this
@Tampa_girl7 (50257)
• United States
14 Feb 16
@jillybean1222 I know that I will not forget Nolan or you. You have touched my heart through your writings.
4 people like this
@irishidid (8687)
• United States
14 Feb 16
I don't think one ever stops grieving the loss of a loved one. I have never lost a child be I still have those feelings over the loss of a sister.
3 people like this
14 Feb 16
i imagine my other children feel similar to me as they were all present that terrible morning. it was my 11 year old son who found him. so i often think of him and how terrible it must be for him to think of that day.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Feb 16
we lst our l ittlegirl at u and ts hard to ever really get over it. But too if you do not face that da y l ive it and release and go on you wll always hhave that. You have to let time soften tat or t wll make you ill. youdo hae to moveon you know.
3 people like this
14 Feb 16
life goes on... of course.... but something so traumatic and life-altering is part of who i am. and my son will always hold a piece of my heart. you don't move on from that.
3 people like this
@Juliaacv (51211)
• Canada
14 Feb 16
I ran into an old friend of mine a couple of days ago. We lost touch for about 20 years, during which time, we both experienced losses. And we talked about it together. We both agreed, that looking back, we realize that our survival and ability to cope is what makes up the fibre of who we are today. And although those memories are painful, I hope that you have less of them, and remember more of his wonderful qualities, and that you're carrying some of his best attributes around within you. Because you made him who he was, I believe that you possess some of his best right inside of you.
3 people like this
@DianneN (247186)
• United States
14 Feb 16
Keep him alive in your heart and fond memories and talk about him as much as you can. It's good for your soul. What a handsome photo.
3 people like this
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
14 Feb 16
So sorry to hear that. When you have such moment, perhaps you can think of your son looking down at you from heaven. He sure wants you to have a good and peaceful life.
2 people like this
14 Feb 16
thank you for your kind words
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (471541)
• Switzerland
14 Feb 16
I know that those moments are fixed in your head and no matter how hard you try your thoughts come to hunt you. Remember the happy days with your son, the good memories push the bad ones.
2 people like this
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
14 Feb 16
There can be nothing on this earth worse than losing a child. So sorry.
2 people like this
@paigea (36317)
• Canada
14 Feb 16
Take care. I have those moments remembering the last days and moments of my late niece's life. I don't push them down really, but I do try to get myself to remember her life more often. Take care. This will always be with you.
2 people like this
14 Feb 16
yes, it will. thank you for your kind words.
2 people like this
@whiteream (8567)
• United States
14 Feb 16
I am so sorry for your loss, I know that doesn't give you much help, I will prayer for you
2 people like this
29 May 16
thank you! and it is always a comfort to hear form others.
@fishtiger58 (29820)
• Momence, Illinois
14 Feb 16
I'm am so very sorry for your loss, that is horrendous I can't even begin to imagine losing my sons.
2 people like this
• Indianapolis, Indiana
14 Feb 16
I remember you now. I read an article you wrote that shook me up. I thought you seemed familiar. I hope your life brings you happiness yet, during these moments in time.
2 people like this
@Kikijoyce (107)
14 Feb 16
so sorry my dear.be strong and take it one day at a time
2 people like this
@allknowing (136446)
• India
14 Feb 16
You cannot be blamed if this thought haunts you as one cannot imagine this little boy going off just like that without a sign.
2 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
17 Feb 16
I am sorry for the loss of your son . I think it is normal for one who have lost a love one , to think of them every now and then . But , we should fight for the grief that creeps with it , since it makes us feel depressed and sad .
@PatZAnthony (14749)
• Charlotte, North Carolina
7 Mar 16
Those memories will always be mixed with other thoughts. Those who have not had your experience really have no idea what things are like for you.
1 person likes this
• Midland, Michigan
17 Feb 16
I don't think I realized how short a time it's been since he left this world. I remember you talking about his age, but I didn't know it's only been five years. It is hard to lose loved ones especially children that haven't had the time to grow up and enjoy life and the dreams we have for them. I pray that each year brings more healing so that you don't feel like you're wallowing in remorse and all the events that played out that fateful day. Was he the oldest at the time?
1 person likes this
• Midland, Michigan
18 Feb 16
@jillybean1222 Duh, obviously I cannot count any longer. Not sure how I got five years. Yes, three years wasn't that long ago.
1 person likes this
19 Feb 16
@MarshaMusselman It's ok. If you are anything like me, I'm often distracted when I'm doing everything. Or tired. I am always tired. Lots of reasons to count wrong. :-)
1 person likes this
18 Feb 16
Yes, he's my first-born son. And it was actually 3 years ago, not 5. so in some ways, just a blink of an eye. He was 13, my second son was only 11.
2 people like this
@DeborahDiane (40294)
• Laguna Woods, California
14 Feb 16
I'm glad that you have good memories of your son. I'm sure the pain will always be with you, but I hope some of the painful memories are someday partially pushed aside by the better ones of the good days with your son. I'm so sorry for your loss and that you have had to go through this.
2 people like this
@Kboy26 (143)
• Columbia, South Carolina
14 Feb 16
I have no children, so I do not know what it feels like, but your son would want you to live. He is with God and looking down on you everyday.
1 person likes this
15 Feb 16
I do live. I keep moving and going, but there are moments of sadness and there will always be be those moments. He shouldn't have been taken so soon, 13, like he was. Thankfully, my other children keep me living in the present. Buy we will never forget Nolan