Insecurity = over possessiveness ?
By Shayani Saha
@Shayani (250)
Pune, India
February 23, 2016 3:33am CST
This is a question which I want to throw on all of you, since I believe you all have somewhere in your life have faced both or one at some point.
I have recently got a complain from my cousin sister , that her bf is over possessive about her and her way of doing things. Well at first I thought it is a good sign when people care about you, love you so much and want to be secured with you. But when she told me that his over possessive attitude is the result of his insecurity, then it started bothered me.
I started asking myself and my cousin questions which I believe is not sufficient to tag him as a insecure guy but a guy who love to keep a watch on her women and want to make himself feel secured by keeping a control on her.
8 people like this
8 responses
@vandana7 (100616)
• India
23 Feb 16
I would want caring yes, concern yes, monitoring no. I can give the same to the same extent. To me, love is felt. If you need to go through jealousies and stuff like that, it is the kind of love that will fade when a new obsession comes into picture.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (58678)
• Delhi, India
23 Feb 16
When caring attitude crosses its limit and it becomes a sort of monitoring, it could 'kill' a relationship, in my view.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100616)
• India
23 Feb 16
@dpk262006 ...caring is like...take this, that has been kept for you...go in the bus..dont talk to strangers...blah blah. But monitoring is..who did you talk to, why, blah blah..caring does not expect answers, monitoring does. The only questions would not be related to others...I mean, it could be about do you have enough monies, did you keep the water bottle, do you know where you have to get down. When questions are in relation to others then it is monitoring...
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58678)
• Delhi, India
23 Feb 16
In a relationship, some people forget that their respective partner need 'space' and it must be allowed to him/her. They unfortunately expect that their partners should inform them about every little happening of their life.
They set conditions and guidelines for Do's and Don'ts' for their partner without any flexibility, which is impracticable.
To me your cousin is at fault, as he is allowing little flexibility to his girlfriend. Over possessiveness could kill a relationship sooner than later.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58678)
• Delhi, India
24 Feb 16
@Shayani - What you said is appreciable
. One should act or say react immediately if s/he is finding that his/her partner is getting over possessive.
I would like to slightly differ on the second part of your comments. I think we are humans so it is difficult for us to decide whether we are making such a move, which may prompt our partner to 'monitor' us. The our general tendency is - "what I am doing is right".
In my view, one will need a very balanced approach (may be you could call it tight rope walk) to maintain a decent behaviour so as not offend his/her partner.
. One should act or say react immediately if s/he is finding that his/her partner is getting over possessive.
I would like to slightly differ on the second part of your comments. I think we are humans so it is difficult for us to decide whether we are making such a move, which may prompt our partner to 'monitor' us. The our general tendency is - "what I am doing is right".
In my view, one will need a very balanced approach (may be you could call it tight rope walk) to maintain a decent behaviour so as not offend his/her partner.@Shayani (250)
• Pune, India
24 Feb 16
I agree with you on your statement. As I have mentioned in my previous comments that, it is the responsibility of both the partners to keep things in control in a particular relationship. When your partner is showing signs of over possessiveness , that time itself things should have been sorted out. If you are also concerned about which move of yours is making his going out of his way to monitor things of yours, this is the time that you have to rethink your ways of dealing things in your relationship and also with your partner.
1 person likes this
@stringer321 (5644)
• Kiryat Ata, Israel
23 Feb 16
Insecurity can have that shape of over possessiveness. If one feels insecure and that the relationship can get broken, he has no trust in himself as a desired partner. If I feel like I worth my partner, we are both good for each other, I won't need to monitor her, and if she leaves me, bless her, I will go on, the sun will shine tomorrow.
Being over possessive shows a bad weakness and vulnerability.
1 person likes this
@Shayani (250)
• Pune, India
24 Feb 16
True , I agree with you on this. Over possessiveness is a sign of weakness in terms of your relationship and also as a partner.
Any thing "over" is any time harmful...in any case.
@Teep11 (7673)
• United States
23 Feb 16
It's not healthy but it happens often. Insecurities can leave us feeling depressed. One has to find a way to remove it or it will control them. Some people are controlling and that's a major problem. I hope your cousin's boyfriend it's some help.
1 person likes this
@Shayani (250)
• Pune, India
24 Feb 16
I feel that it is your responsibility too to make your partner feel secured and loving at the same time. If your partner is tend to get over possessive about things concerning you, then its high time you find out what made you do all this. Possessiveness is a natural sign and can be controlled but when things get "over" , there must be some sort of reason behind this.
@richjohn07 (641)
•
25 Feb 16
If you really love a person, set her free (not that what I mean). It is okay to make a girl secured but not that too much because it really result to possessiveness. You only have an over possessiveness attitude to the thing you own but you cannot own a person. You cannot own her because she also have will on what she will do. Make her free on what she will do but with a guy's security. Don't monitor her every action because it will only make the girl mind that you don't care in others because you only care for her which is not good.
1 person likes this
@Shayani (250)
• Pune, India
26 Feb 16
I appreciate your statement : " you cannot own a person " ... true... But I have observed to be very frank, that guys have this kinda nature of dominance and possessive attitude towards their partner...
@ihasaquestion (8275)
•
19 Apr 19
When things like this happen, you really have no say in it. Being a guy, one must be level-headed..for it will cause major problems if nothing is to be done...
