Love has Lost :(

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

1 Mar 16

I am scared of things to happen in future because of this. I know her, she will not rethink on what she has got into these past few weeks/months, but these definitely have deeply hurt me. It makes it more painful because I have only two people in my world as of now - she and our baby.

7 people like this

Anna

@LadyDuck (472004)

• Switzerland

1 Mar 16

@thesids Try to get rid of her parents, she will come back to you, give her a little time. She is surely just a bit depressed.

7 people like this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

1 Mar 16

@LadyDuck I hope that time comes soon. Because from how things have starting shaping here, I feel scared at the moment. I dont know if there is any depression for her. But yes, I do think at times, she is more stressed. I originally thought it was due to too much of work and the fact that she is not accustomed to staying at home. But now, it has been months she is around and also, there are her own parents to share her work and lessen the burden.

7 people like this

Jekca

@Jessicalynnt (50523)

• Centralia, Missouri

1 Mar 16

-HUGS- I'm so sorry!

6 people like this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

2 Mar 16

@Jessicalynnt Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that things get back to normal before they succeed in their plans.

5 people like this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

1 Mar 16

I hope things turn out for good between us. Thanks for the HUGS. It was much needed.

6 people like this

Jekca

@Jessicalynnt (50523)

• Centralia, Missouri

1 Mar 16

@thesids honestly, there aren't words, a hug seemed. well needed. I hope that whatever happens, that you will have a great and long relationship with your wee one, I hope the other works itself out too, but there is only so much control you have there sadly. Inlaws can break a couple.

5 people like this

marcyaz

@Marcyaz (35316)

• United States

1 Mar 16

That is not a loving family and the woman is not a good person nor is her family. It does look as if the parents who never wanted this marriage to survive will win it seems like. What about the child? Who will care for the child? I am so sorry Sids and I truly hope things will work out in the end.

5 people like this

marcyaz

@Marcyaz (35316)

• United States

2 Mar 16

@thesids I hope you can again go back to being a loving couple with a child but if not I think we all understand what has happened. It is terrible for families to break up especially where a child is concerned. I do wish you Good Luck and hope your wife comes to her senses.

5 people like this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

2 Mar 16

All I hope and pray is that the wife gets some time all alone to think about what and where things can head to if she continues going by the dictates of her parents. As for the child, it can be sad, if I lose my interests. As of now, I am interested in both - wife and the baby. But I am running low on patience and my bearing capacities are almost being reached. I do hope things work out and we sort out our issues and get back to how things were some weeks back.

5 people like this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

2 Mar 16

@Marcyaz I know one thing for sure. If there has to be any breakup (which I still have faith will not happen) I am not going to start it. For now, I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that things will eventually turn out for good of all of us.

6 people like this

hora_fugit

@hora_fugit (5862)

• India

5 Mar 16

This is sad how people ruin lives of their own children just to satisfy their ego. Am sure they think they are "correcting" the mistake, but all they are doing is to make the daughter unhappy, insecure and depressed. So, post partum is the word? Do think it plays a role, as depression makes people vulnerable to all kinds of talks. Shocked to see some unfortunate thoughts creeping in... Getting them out could be the solution, but that right after inviting them for help... could be given a twist. I am confused. Hope you get a solution. Hugs

again. Happy too, if it turns out that I am late and the situation is amicable now.

4 people like this

hora_fugit

@hora_fugit (5862)

• India

6 Mar 16

@thesids Not sure (is that my permanent state?) if your move was bad one, though some background verification could be done. Sooner or later a get together happens and it's better if they accept the choice she made instead of making her question her own intentions. Good to hear they will be missing for some days and you two get chance to converse freely. Had been thinking about it... and came up with explanations from parents' side. Not the time to share those, though.

3 people like this

vanny

@vandana7 (100546)

• India

22 Jun 16

It is post partum. Normally people recover within three to six months, some take one to one and a half years. By the time baby grows some and things become easier too, so stress levels come down.

2 people like this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

6 Mar 16

It has been all chaotic here. But the only good thing is that I have thrown out some bits in and they seem to have started the things. In Laws may be out for about 10-12 days (sorry, I had to stage it all), and I do hope during this time, me and wifey get to discuss out a lot. I pray that she is still some good, understanding and will understand things I put across for the good of all. The thing that makes me feel more bad about all this is the fact that it was me who has asked/negotiated my wife and inlaws to come together for the sake of wife and the baby. And I am beginning to feel that I am the cause of all this mess we three have got into.

3 people like this

@SIMPLYD (90721)

• Philippines

1 Mar 16

I know that story is about you and your wife. . Don't feel sad but be happy and mtotivated to do well despite some difficulties , because you have a baby who needs a caring father . Maybe wifey is having the post partum blues .

5 people like this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

2 Mar 16

@SIMPLYD Yes, her parents never wanted our marriage to happen. Ours is an inter-caste love marriage. Fortunately/unfortunately, they never had a chance to get closer to us after marriage because of their ego and anger that their daughter took the step to marry me, despite their being against it.. Now, it is their second stay with us - and they are always trying to make her realize that she really did a mistake by marrying someone not from their caste and also someone who is ill for life.

4 people like this

@SIMPLYD (90721)

• Philippines

2 Mar 16

@thesids It's sad that when she already have a baby she will be indifferent . Maybe she's having post partum ?

5 people like this

@SIMPLYD (90721)

• Philippines

2 Mar 16

@thesids You know , maybe its her parents now living with both of you , has something to do with her indifference lately . Pray for her enlightenment , But i know she loves you because if not , you won't have a baby now.

5 people like this

sishy7

@sishy7 (27167)

• Australia

1 Mar 16

I'm feeling sad reading this and I can only imagine how you would feel. Stay strong and I hope things will eventually work out somehow. She may just be very overwhelmed with the huge changes and responsibilities she has to adjust and face with the baby.

4 people like this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

1 Mar 16

I hope so too for the good of all. I am worried asto how long can I hold on. There are already too many issues that I have got into. Work definitely has suffered - because I stay at home - and she thinks I do nothing concrete as work. Again, as I am at home, she keeps asking me do things and even does not care in case I am on skype taking instructions from my clients. Though they have been understanding this far, I am sure, they will not be the same if it continues on and the work suffers. And you know how important it is for me to keep getting some work and keep my amounts coming in - agreed, they are neither fixed nor there is any certainty, but it has been about two years now, that these few clients have got something for me to keep going.

4 people like this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

2 Mar 16

@sishy7 My feelings are same. I too want things to get back to what they were - if not that back, at least three weeks back.

4 people like this

sishy7

@sishy7 (27167)

• Australia

2 Mar 16

@thesids I hope she will be back as her loving self again and the two of you will find ways to support each other for the sake of the baby most of all.

4 people like this

vanny

@vandana7 (100546)

• India

19 Mar 16

I am shocked...hugs...:(

1 person likes this

vanny

@vandana7 (100546)

• India

26 Mar 16

@thesids ...March 2016 has not been good to many of my friends...:( Makes me so sad. This month...it should go fast..hugs..tc

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

26 Mar 16

@vandana7 5 days more to go. But I am unhappy reading that it has not been good for many of your friends

1 person likes this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

26 Mar 16

At times, you just want to quite for a while, refresh and retrurn back... but maybe this is just not possible at times because you are no browser

1 person likes this

much2say

@much2say (55912)

• Los Angeles, California

8 Mar 16

@thesids

First, I am in agreement with everyone here - the parents need to go. I know how it goes in some cultures with the grandparents stepping in to help the family, but sometimes it does not help. The grandparents mean well and have the best of intentions, but sometimes they may overstep their boundaries. They may criticise and even try to control the whole situation - after all, they have the experience of raising babies themselves. However they need to allow you and your wife to make your own parenting choices - trial and error - because that's the way you're going to learn and be confident with your parenting skills. You guys need your space. It's possible she is feeling torn between you and her parents. Surely she loves both sides, but it's all overwhelming on top of being a new parent - she may feel that she is juggling everything and everyone. Right now her parents are probably telling her what is right and wrong from the sidelines and she cannot do anything but feel obligated to listen and obey them. I think her parents need to get off the field so you and your wife can feel like "the team" again. Boy - I know how cultural differences can have an effect on family. It took my dad many years to finally accept my husband and before that it was so stressful on me. Don't give up. My sister married a nice guy (of another culture as well) - his mother is crazy. My sister says the mother in law is not fond of her at all, but well, she married the nice guy, not his mother. So the mother wants them to hurry up and have a child so she could have a baby to take of. My sister says NO WAY. She already knows the mother will tell her to do this and that while pregnant AND when the child is born, she would come live with them and completely take over (that's the way it is in their culture). My sister is head strong and will not have that. So it seems they are avoiding having children for now (which is sad to me) - meanwhile their biological clock is ticking. It is sad they are avoiding something they really want just to avoid a situation. I hope they do not miss out on their opportunity to have a child. ANYWAY I truly hope things work out for you, your wife, and your baby daughter. It was good of the inlaws to agree to come and help out for a while . . . but I think now their time is up. Thank you for everything - let me help you with your bags to the door. I know taking care of a baby is not always easy, but you and your wife can do it - you just need to chance to be able to do it together.

2 people like this

much2say

@much2say (55912)

• Los Angeles, California

10 Mar 16

@thesids Ah, well I'm glad you get a break for at least a couple weeks!

Anything that can be done so everyone has their own space will be a good thing. In the case of my sister and her husband, his parents actually once lived on the same property as they did, but in a separate structure (a strange but huge garage that they didn't mind living in). Now my sister and husband have their own house and the parents live in an apartment - all are pleased with their own space - finally. Well if your wife recognizes that her parents are wrong, then that says something right there. She is biting her lip when it comes to her parents - I suppose she may feel she needs to side with them, for now, especially since she feels they are needed to stay longer. I wish you luck in finding that new place - I hope things work out and go smoothly. It's been tough on you . . . I hope calmer waters come towards you soon!

2 people like this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

9 Mar 16

The latest update is that the inlaws have left and will not be back until 24th March (or sometime around it). The problem now is that wife wants them to stay with us until the daughter is at least 1 years old or maybe 1.5 years. And she has asked me to search a house on rent with at least 2 bedrooms so that we all can have separate rooms - we do have two rooms even now and we dont share our room with in-laws, but there is only one bedroom. She said that me interacting with them and they interacting with me is the reason we have differences. She knows me and thinks that this interaction will be zero in case I am given a completely alienated room.

I believe that you are right when you said - It's possible she is feeling torn between you and her parents.... She says that she knows that her parents are wrong, but still, understands that we do need them around. So now, I have to find us a 2 BHK (Bedroom Hall Kitchen) place and that too with almost very similar rentals in the same area where we are based currently. I do hope that things go for good. I have told her that in case such issues continue to arise, it wont be long before I will move out as I am just unable to bear additional stress. Staying at home 24x7 since past 8+ years and illnesses since past 10+ years is not that easy at 42 and so she must understand and take up the house thing seriously only if we do not get into such mess often again.

2 people like this

Toni

@toniganzon (72516)

• Philippines

26 Mar 16

I'm sorry but I have to be very honest of what I thought about this. I think there was never love in the first place on the wife's side. I think what she had was pity, but she hoped it'll turn out to be love. I'm so sorry. You don't have to apologise. I am not disappointed. Nobody won. I believe that the person who wins, is the person who survive in this situation and that is living a happy life despite of it all. Warm hugs. I'm glad I came back to mylot.

2 people like this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

26 Mar 16

I too have started thinking in these lines. And the scenario is really sad. Glad that you are back

1 person likes this

Toni

@toniganzon (72516)

• Philippines

26 Mar 16

@thesids Indeed it is sad but i do hope you will find your own happiness soon.

2 people like this

Your Highness Emperor Albert Whisker

@SIMPLYD (90721)

• Philippines

3 Mar 16

In case you need a friend , we are here for you .

4 people like this

@CaptAlbertWhisker (32748)

• Calgary, Alberta

17 Mar 16

This is the reason why i dont want my parents and would be inlaws to be involved when I have a family. In laws can make life hard as hell.

2 people like this

Arthur Chappell

@arthurchappell (44998)

• Preston, England

9 Mar 16

sounds like the family are using emotional blackmail and peer group pressure to alienate the couple - not nice at all

4 people like this

Jabo

@jaboUK (64354)

• United Kingdom

2 Mar 16

This makes painful reading, I feel for you. I hope that you can get rid of the parents - until that happens I can't see that things will improve.

4 people like this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

2 Mar 16

Yes, initially, I was a little scared. When I read the responses, I felt that somewhere my thoughts were correct. I even met her Gyneac who too has the similar opinion. I will have to plan something so that the parents leave for a while and she gets time to think about what has she been into of late.

4 people like this

crazyhorseladycx

@crazyhorseladycx (39509)

• United States

2 Mar 16

i surely didn't wish to 'like' this coz it brought tears to my eyes's i felt'cher pain. i've great hopes that ya'll can work this out. dunno if'n they've got marriage counselin' 's'n option where ya live?? ugh, my heart jest aches fer ya, hon! sendin' big hugs ~

3 people like this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

2 Mar 16

I knew some of my friends will be real sad reading this and I had no intentions. But then, I do not have any other place to go and pour out what I am going through. Unfortunately,marriage counsellors here are not that easy to find. And somewhere I feel they cannot help much because she is being fed with anti-me things almost 24x7 by her parents. Ours being a Love and Inter-caste marriage was never acceptable to her parents. They never had a chance to get close enough, and now when they have this chance, they are abusing it. I hope things stay on good and they leave sooner for at least a while - which might give her some time to think about it.

3 people like this

crazyhorseladycx

@crazyhorseladycx (39509)

• United States

2 Mar 16

@thesids i understand, hon. i've poured my heart't times myself coz there jest seemed to be no other venue. keepin' such to yerself can eat't yer soul. no doubt her folks're bein' that nail bein' driven 'n i wish i'd better advice. keepin' ya in my heart 'n sendin' big hugs.

3 people like this

ShannyBananny

@shaggin (72190)

• United States

14 Apr 16

What a sad story. Is this your personal story of what has happened to you? That is terrible that a woman would marry someone just out of pity thinking no one else would ever want to marry him. Maybe he wasted 9 years on her when he could have been with someone who would have loved him and appreciated him more.

1 person likes this

ShannyBananny

@shaggin (72190)

• United States

14 Apr 16

@thesids My husband and I didn't have a good marriage and he was kind of just too young and not ready when my daughter was born. It wasn't until my son was born that he was more ready to be a parent. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hope that you will be able to work things out for your childs sake.

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

14 Apr 16

yes, this is something very personal to me as I am the hubby. Looking back, I never feel that I wasted my 9 years because from day one I knew we both were poles apart. Our thoughts, ideologies, outlook, approach to life everything is opposite. So I should have been prepared. Fortunately, things are now much better as the laws have left for a while and we got a chance to talk it out. No doubt, I am hurt, but I still do not have too many options.... Now that we have a baby, I think she is the one who will keep us united.

1 person likes this

Sreekala

@Sreekala (34312)

• India

12 Mar 16

Hello Sid

So this is going on with you

I felt happy on hearing about the baby and bit curious to know how she is coping with dual responsibilities, her job and motherhood. Still I felt that every thing is going fine with you until I read this post of yours. In fact, I felt proud on her, knowing all about you, she done such a sacrifice for her love, but now I feel I was wrong. Her decision was a wrong one, her current feelings and talks tells like that only. I wish, she would show much maturity than earlier, now she is a mother, how she can forget this. If she changed inside then her parents influence will make her bad only. If she had married you on sympathy, is it lost now?

I don’t think all those talks are pleasant to hear whatever may be her justifications.

1 person likes this

Sreekala

@Sreekala (34312)

• India

14 Mar 16

@thesids I hope the little one can strengthen the bond in between you.

1 person likes this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

12 Mar 16

If she had married you on sympathy, Yes, she has told me this many a times. I still love both of them and now we are searching for a place to stay - with at least a separate room for me where I can spend all my time without having to interact with the people around. That can be the only way to keep us together.

2 people like this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

14 Mar 16

@Sreekala I dont feel being interested anymore in our bond. I will be around only for the sake of the baby, but if things continue, I will not have many options. I have told her and everyone that. I am ill, at home since 2008 and I have more tensions of my own. I need peace around me, and if I cannot get it here, I will find it myself. As for the baby, well, yes, it will be sad and unhealthy but I have to remain alive with my normal mental state to be good for her. Tell me, I see it no good if she has a father who is depressed and unhealthy. I feel that will be more bad than her being brought up without me around. Agreed, this last paragraph is thinking too far, but then, that is what my heart and brain tell me.

1 person likes this

Ifamous

@ifa225 (14460)

• Indonesia

25 Mar 16

Oouchh..I am so sorry to hear this new Sid

I thought, it would be better if you were hired a nanny aside her parents But things had happened and perhaps God wants to test your marriage with this trial. I know it is not easy, but God believe you can pass this test with cumlaude grade So He choose you

1 person likes this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

26 Mar 16

I am so very happy to see you back.

Somewhere I feel that He has chosen me for all that is happening in my life only because He knows, it is only me who can handle whatever He gives me. Sad only about the fact that there are more unhappy things in my life than the positive and happy things.

1 person likes this

purplealabaster

@purplealabaster (22091)

• United States

10 Mar 16

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this.

I know that you are resigned to have her parents move in with you, but it will be a mistake - trust me on this one. Family is wonderful from a distance if you get along. If you don't get along, then family is even better on the other side of the world.

1 person likes this

purplealabaster

@purplealabaster (22091)

• United States

10 Mar 16

@thesids It is still sad that you will pretty much be imprisoned in your own home. I know a little bit about it, and it is not a good situation. The stress builds, and it can have devastating effects on your health, and you already have some serious health issues. Please think this through thoroughly before you commit to anything, and take care of yourself.

1 person likes this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

10 Mar 16

that is exactly what my heart tells me. It is for this reason, I moved out of my parents place long back and even though they asked me to come back when all my illness things started, I refused. But now that we have very little options around us, we have to accommodate her parents until the baby grows to an age where she can be cared for by me during the hours wife is off to work. Probably, wife too has realized that the less we get interacting, the lesser will be the frustrations - and so at the moment, she has asked me to find a better place for us so that the inlaws can stay in their room and I have a separate room. at our current place of stay, though we stayed in separate rooms, the interactions did happen because we have only two rooms and one toilet. She knows, if I have a separate room where I can put up my bed and place the computer, I will not come out except for lunch and dinner - and will be more happy if they get served me right in that room. Thanks for your warm hugs and the response. I feel good and better

1 person likes this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

10 Mar 16

@purplealabaster Yes, that is what had started to happen - The Stress had started playing on my health and my mind too - this post is one proof of it. I would never have come up with this post, if I were strong that day. But then, I am willing to give this a try still. Just because I love both my wife and my baby. I know, wife's maternity leave gets over sometime in mid-April and so she will have to return to work. And a 4 month old baby to care for... being all alone and ill myself, will be difficult. During the years I have been home confined, I have learned to cope with being alone - as practically, there was one whole year wifey was almost away in a different city and would come home only during Saturdays and Sunday afternoon, she had to leave. Then, when she managed to get back here - she is out for work from 6:00 am till about 4:00 pm and during that time too I have been alone. So some of the past experiences should come in handy when trying to fit myself into the new changes. Still, there is a fear somewhere in my head.

1 person likes this

suny

@suni51 (3429)

• India

18 Mar 16

Are you talking about BR or have you become a story teller like me? I don't believe this or at least don't want to to believe this at all

1 person likes this

@thesids (22180)

• Bhubaneswar, India

18 Mar 16

I wished I had a response for your comment. But things are going a little better for now. In-Laws coming again sometime around 25th. We have been searching for a bigger place to stay with a separate room for me so that our (my inlaws and mine) interactions can be minimized.

Hazel Vee

@epiffanie (11326)

• Australia

26 Mar 16

Life pressures can definitely get in the way of love .. I hope things work out for the better ..

1 person likes this