What Should I Call Him?
By jaishankar
@else34 (13515)
New Delhi, India
March 2, 2016 6:27am CST
Today on way back to my home I came across an old man who was a cartman.His bullock cart had got stuck in a muddy ditch and he was trying everything he could to bring it out.I offered him my help and he agreed and then both of us successfully pushed the cart out of the ditch.
The villager was grateful to me.He not only invited me to his home,but also 'forced' to accept the invitation.His home was at the village nearly 3 kms from that place.
I accompanied him to his home.He was giving me so much importance that it was embarrassing.At his hut he offered me some bananas and a small glass of hot,sweet milk.While talking to him I came to know that he did not have a family.His wife had died years ago and he had no children.
An hour later when I was about to leave for my home,he again requested me to have a cup of tea.
We are now friends.I mean,we now know each other very well.But I wonder whether I should call him my 'friend.'He is of the age of my father.How can I call him my 'friend?'Or,should I call him 'uncle?' Or,....what?
10 people like this
11 responses
@PainsOnSlate (21852)
• Canada
2 Mar 16
Ask him what he wants to be called, he will tell you. You were kind to help him, I like to hear that some people will help instead of just passing by...
2 people like this
@else34 (13515)
• New Delhi, India
3 Mar 16
@PainsOnSlate,Thanks,my friend.Perhaps that's what I should do.I should ask him what he would like to be called by me.Actually the big difference between our ages has left me perplexed.He's more than 40 years older than me.I hope,you understand my problem.
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Mar 16
friend know no age. But I would ask him how he would like to be referred too. Growing up I had many grandfathers and grandmothers, many of friends just told me to call them the same thing. But honestly, I see nothing in the definition of friend that determines age
1 person likes this
@else34 (13515)
• New Delhi, India
4 Mar 16
@Jessicalynnt I know very well that he would love to be addressed as 'uncle.'
1 person likes this
@else34 (13515)
• New Delhi, India
3 Mar 16
@Jessicalynnt,You are right.There is no age limit in friendship.Some of my friends are elder than me by one or two years whereas some others are younger.Still we are friends.Here what puzzles me is the huge difference between our ages.I am 27,and he over 60.It perhaps ill behoves me to be as informal with him as I can with a friend.Would not it be better if I call him 'uncle?'
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
3 Mar 16
@else34 I would tell him, you consider him a friend, but feel that may not honor his age and wisdom, and see if he'd like to be called uncle.
1 person likes this
@else34 (13515)
• New Delhi, India
3 Mar 16
@flapiz,Thanks,my friend.Actually we both helped each other to push the cart out of the mud.In our country our social norms do not permit us to call an elder as 'friend.' Elders who don't have blood relation with us are our 'uncle' or,in our language Hindi and other Indian languages,as 'kaka' or 'bhaiya','Anna' etc.The meanings of the Indian words mentioned here is 'uncle' and 'elder brother.'So,I think I should call him 'uncle.'Would not it be appropriate?I think we must respect our social norms.
1 person likes this
@silvermist (19702)
• India
2 Mar 16
@else34 First of all I must applaud you for this kindly act in helping that man.Most youngsters do not spare time for this.Whatever his age,you are his friend.Call him,uncle.
1 person likes this
@else34 (13515)
• New Delhi, India
4 Mar 16
@silvermist No,but I may meet him on Tuesday,because on that day villagers from nearby villages come to town to sell vegetables.
1 person likes this
@else34 (13515)
• New Delhi, India
3 Mar 16
Thanks.Actually he was in trouble when I saw him.I was not able to push the cart out of the ditch,we both helped each other and the problem was solved within a few minutes.My problem is the age difference between us and this prevents me from being as informal with him as I can with a friend one or two years elder or younger than me.The norms in our families do not allow me to treat him as a friend.I think you are right.I should call him 'uncle.'
1 person likes this
@else34 (13515)
• New Delhi, India
3 Mar 16
@JudyEv,That's a wise suggestion.I know what he would say if I ask him that.He would laugh and say,'Whatever you like.'So,why not go by the social norms of our culture.We generally call elders with whom we don't have blood relations 'uncle' or in Hindi,'kaka' etc.And I think I should respect our social norms and call him 'uncle.'
1 person likes this
@waflay (2737)
• Nairobi, Kenya
2 Mar 16
I think it's okay to call him a friend despite his age because the little time you were together,you still enjoyed each other's company and it seems like you had a lot to talk about..He really treasured your help something which made him open up about his life and you are truly like a son to him.
1 person likes this
@else34 (13515)
• New Delhi, India
3 Mar 16
@waflay,You are absolutely right.But the social norms in our country do not allow me to call him 'friend.'He is of my father's age.I can't be as informal with my father as I can be with my friends who belong to my age group.I and this gentle man have a huge gap of more than 40 years between us.And,as you have rightly said,I am like a son to him,I must refrain from treating him as a friend of my age.I can call him 'uncle.' And I am sure,he would gladly accept it.
1 person likes this
@Letranknight2015 (52090)
• Philippines
2 Mar 16
probably call him by his name..
1 person likes this
@else34 (13515)
• New Delhi, India
3 Mar 16
@Letranknight2015,But how can I call a gentleman of my father's age by his name?Does it behove me?Perhaps,no.I think,I should call him 'uncle.'In our country,India,we are taught not to call elders by their names.We generally call them 'uncle' or,in Hindi,'Kaka' etc.Last night I thought I should call him 'uncle.'Hope,you understand.
@azrapa (63)
• Ireland
3 Mar 16
Do you refer to your other friends as "friend" or do you call them by their first names? If you're not comfortable using first names, you should ask him what he'd like to be called. Him being older than you doesn't even matter here. In friendship and any relationship, everyone is equal regardless of age.
1 person likes this
@else34 (13515)
• New Delhi, India
3 Mar 16
@azrapa,Both.I sometimes call them as friend and sometimes by their first names.Problem before me is that our social norms do not permit us to call an elderly gentleman as 'friend.'If he had a son,he would have been in my age group.I think,what behoves me is that I call him 'uncle.'Hope,you understand what I intend to say.
