How Do You Deal With A Liar-Denier?
By DW Davis
@DWDavis (25805)
United States
March 15, 2016 3:57pm CST
One of the most frustrating things about being a teacher it dealing with parents who are liars and/or deniers. We have students at our school who have been a discipline problem all year, never turn in their work on time or completed, and never return permission slips or other required forms filled out or signed.
When the students' teachers call the parents to ask for help in controlling the students' behavior, the parents deny that the students ever behave poorly and blame the teachers for "picking on my child." Evidently every teacher these students have had since kindergarten have picked on these children. The parents won't help with behavior problems because the parents refuses to acknowledge their babies could ever be behavior problems. We learned today that one or these children has been expelled from an after school program because of behavior problems.
Other parents insist that until their children got to middle school the students always got straight A's on their report cards. Different report cards must have gone home than went in the children's records because the only subject most of these students ever got an A in since third grade was PE.
Then there are the parents who, when the teacher calls to tell them their children didn't do their homework, will state emphatically that the parent saw the child finish the work, and won't change their story even when the teacher informs them they have the incomplete or blank work right there in front of them.
And don't forget the parents who will look the teachers right in the eye and promise there will be a change in the student starting the next day, but then turn around as soon as they think the teachers can't hear and say to the student, "Who that teacher think he be anyway, trying to tell me how you be and what you ought be doing?" (Yes, that is a direct quote.)
People wonder why teachers are leaving the profession in droves and Schools of Education at colleges are having a hard time filling classes. It ain't all about the money.
Have you ever had to deal with irrational liars and deniers? Did you have to put up with them and pretend to believe them to save your job?
21 people like this
21 responses
@DWDavis (25805)
• United States
15 Mar 16
Believe it or not there are still young people who care enough about the next generation that they voluntarily go into the teaching profession, though their numbers dwindle every year. If the government keeps making it less and less attractive to be a teacher, soon they'll have to institute a draft and forced people to teach.
@DWDavis (25805)
• United States
16 Mar 16
@lexiconlover I went into teaching with my eyes wide open, and I sometimes wonder if I have had enough after 14 years.
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (25805)
• United States
16 Mar 16
@lexiconlover I've been thinking about taking the training to be a teacher who has student teacher but I'm not sure I would be such a good role model. My teaching style is very different from most and while it works for me, I'm not sure it would work for anyone else.
@JamesHxstatic (29413)
• Eugene, Oregon
15 Mar 16
No, thank heavens, I have not. My wife was a teacher for nearly 20 years, teaching dependent students on USAF bases in Turkey and Germany. At least in the military, the parents could be held responsible for the behavior of their children.
2 people like this
@DWDavis (25805)
• United States
16 Mar 16
We have many Air Force kids in our school with an AFB on the edge of town. More than once we've had to call someone's commanding officer before the service member would show up for a conference.
It would make a huge difference if civilian parents could be held accountable for the behavior of their children the same way.
2 people like this
@JamesHxstatic (29413)
• Eugene, Oregon
16 Mar 16
@DWDavis Yes, the service people have their career and pension on the line.
2 people like this
@Bluedoll (16773)
• Canada
16 Mar 16
@DWDavis A few private schools in my district require funds and parents and children are interviewed before acceptance. Public schools however are free and often teachers will find that parents are uneducated as to how to properly parent their children. Sometimes they even come from abusive homes or the parents themselves have experienced it and can't break the cycle.
It isn't easy for the schools since they also need to think about children that are there to learn and have developed good social habits. If positive relationships can not be developed with parents then the school is all the children have. Some children even rely on the schools to get at least one good meal a day.
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (25805)
• United States
16 Mar 16
@Bluedoll You understand the situation very well it seems. I often find I am the only positive male influence in my students' lives, both the boys and girls, and sometimes even for the moms. I do the best I can to help them learn to respect themselves and act appropriately so they can succeed in school. The greatest compliment I've been paid is a parent who requested a younger sibling be placed with me because I'd helped her older son get on the right track. I don't think I'm anything special. I just care about my kids.
@DWDavis (25805)
• United States
16 Mar 16
@Bluedoll, that's the party line the people who don't have to be in the classroom every day like to spout for the media, but all too often when we try to engage the parent we hear, "I can't do nothing with him (or her) and I've give up. He (or She) is your problem during school. Don't bother me no more."
You'll never hear about that from the people on the School Board.
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
15 Mar 16
I have been a parent that would not believe my son was failing in a class.
And the teacher was more than right in the end..I found my son was not doing the work.
The teacher was very courteous and was telling the truth.
2 people like this
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
16 Mar 16
@DWDavis It is always best to be rational in any circumstance. I was so grateful to that teacher for pointing this out to me once I realized what was going on.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (218839)
• Walnut Creek, California
15 Mar 16
Yep, I've worked in the biz for years and seen the same thing. I chuckle (sadly) when I hear talk of "improving schools" or "better training teachers." The fruit doesn't fall far from the tree, and we know how our tax dollars will be paying for some of these kids in ten or so years. Sad that year in prison costs tax payers about the same as a Harvard education.
2 people like this
@Dena91 (16636)
• United States
16 Mar 16
I commend you on such a difficult profession. And for not slapping the parents because that would be my first instinct. There's something about a parent who refuses to deal with their "angel" that just hits my last nerve. When I went to school I was terrified to not do my work because I knew that my Dad's belt would be waiting when I go home for not doing what I was suppose to do. These kids and parents need a reality check. One day their son or daughter will be grown and have no idea how to handle life. Should they find a job, the employer isn't going to take excuses from them. Should they marry, their spouse isn't going to take excuses from them. God bless you. Lots of prayers for you.
2 people like this
@DWDavis (25805)
• United States
17 Mar 16
Not just my school. Most any public school system in the country in the last 20 years. We are turning out graduates who know how to game a multiple choice test but cannot make a decision without choices A, B, C, and D being presented to them, and at least one of them has to obviously be the wrong choice.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (136417)
• India
16 Mar 16
The only time my father blamed a teacher was when she used a ruler to hit me which left a red mark. I was a mild student and I did not deserve that hit.
My parents otherwise respected our teachers and had full faith in them.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (136417)
• India
17 Mar 16
@DWDavis If a child is hit when she has done no wrong that I am sure is unwarranted.
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (25805)
• United States
16 Mar 16
I have some issues with corporal punishment and am convinced that it does not work after a certain age, and certainly not with middle or high school students. But with younger children who have not yet reached the age where they can be reasoned with understand a single quick swat on the butt for doing the wrong thing. It means that if I do wrong I will reap unpleasant consequences. A quick spanking when a child is six is better than a term in jail when he's 16.
1 person likes this
@Macarrosel (7498)
• Philippines
16 Mar 16
If I am the teacher, i will talk to the parents straight and tell them about the problem of their children, then I will show them proof that their children are misbehaving. If they denied then I will look into their eyes and tell them they are not telling the truth. Oh, I hope it works.
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (25805)
• United States
16 Mar 16
You'd be surprised how many parents will look you right in the eye and lie through their teeth. One parent was shown a video of her son pushing down and beating up another boy in the hall, there were a dozen witness statements, the boy confessed to doing it, and his mother stood right there in the Principal's office and denied her son had done any such thing.
@DWDavis (25805)
• United States
16 Mar 16
I knew it had changed here in the US. I'm sad to read it has changed in your area, too. I've heard there are countries in Europe, such as Sweden, where teachers are still treated as professionals and held in high esteem. Maybe I should learn Swedish.
1 person likes this
@teamfreak16 (43418)
• Denver, Colorado
16 Mar 16
Parents these days pretty much expect the teachers to raise their kids for them. It's sad, really. My mother would've beat the hell out of me for any of that.
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (25805)
• United States
16 Mar 16
I don't blame the parents for expecting that. The federal government has been pushing that kind of thinking on people, especially in the lower socio-economic strata, since the Johnson Administration and the start of the Great Society. Studies show the Great Society's social programs all but destroyed the African-American family in this country. By 2012 more than 7 out of 10 African-American children were being born to unwed mothers. Compare this to 29% for Caucasians and 17% for Asians and the root of the problems in public schools becomes obvious, though no one in power will come out and say it.
1 person likes this
@Cintronwriter (564)
• United States
16 Mar 16
You're a better person than me. I taught online courses at a few colleges and never had to deal with parents. Kids these days, they want everything easy.
I think showing a liar evidence is key. What about annotating the time and exact words they say? Keep a log of the incidents and your conversation with them.
1 person likes this
@kartikashetty7 (27)
• Mumbai, India
16 Mar 16
Fortunately in India , teachers are compared to God . Teachers are the only ones after parents and siblings who mould the kids . They shape the kids to better individuals . As a teacher you could just robotically do your job and go home but the parents need to appreciate that benevolent teachers like you go out of their ways to make the kids good individuals over-all development .
I hope that the parents realize that the kids are going to ape what they are seeing and turn out to be dishonest individuals . Lets hope they realise it soon before the next gen kids are corrupted by this behavior .
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (51193)
• Canada
15 Mar 16
We always discussed things with our son while he was a student. There was always a pretty good chain of communication between the teacher, us and our son. We did encounter a teacher when he was in grade 8 that claimed a lot of things about him, none of which were characteristic. My husband dealt with that, he went to the principal and then to the superintendent for that age.
I can imagine how frustrating it is to be on the other end of that story. Not everyone values education as much as my husband and I, and our son, do.
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (25805)
• United States
16 Mar 16
I appreciate parents who advocate for their children, when they have the facts and the truth is in their favor, as in your case. Sometimes, though, I find myself advocating for the child with the parent because the parent goes on a tirade of putting down the child in front of his or her teachers. That is a whole different can of worms.
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (50250)
• United States
16 Mar 16
I really feel for you and all teachers.
1 person likes this
@Lazyblogs (494)
• Chandigarh, India
17 Mar 16
Parents are not realising the fact that by denying the bad behaviour of their child...the behaviour wont change..they need to come out of their love for children and tell them how to behave properly
1 person likes this
