Being yourself isn't easy

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I have always had a difficult time being myself. I've always been myself, but it hasn't always been easy, heck it's still not always easy. I've spent so much time trying to be comfortable in my own skin. I'm a quiet person, which is why I take to places like this to get my thoughts out there. In person I really don't care to talk much. The only person that really knows me would probably be my boyfriend, but even he doesn't always know what's going on inside my head. Very few bother to take the time to get to know me, or at least fully know me. A few have tried along the way, but gave up. I am the type of person that listens and soaks up everything going on and then thinks on it. I'm not impulsive, at least not most of the time. I'm calm and rational most of the time. I think before acting most of the time. I do my best not to speak out of anger, it doesn't always work, but I try. Having anxiety keeps my mind moving at a much faster rate than most peoples. My inner thoughts are often a mystery to those closest to me. I don't like talking about a lot of things with my family and friends. My mom and my boyfriend love reading the things I write, they like seeing the things I think about, but I seldom share things like this with my mom. I refuse to give her the name of any of the blogging sites I've used, my boyfriend does know about them and has read a lot of the things I've written, but I don't feel comfortable with my mom reading most things I've written. We just don't agree on most things, and I don't like her knowing my thoughts. My mom knows about my anxiety, and refuses to acknowledge it as a real thing, she doesn't know about my depression. She thinks I am strong and that she doesn't have to worry about that with me, what she sees is what I want her to see. I haven't been in a deep depression in a very long time, and then she didn't know about it. I honestly think her knowing would make it worse. My boyfriend knows and he supports me. He is my support system. He's that one person I can count on, and I honestly don't know where I'd be if it weren't for him. My mom thinks she wants to know what's going on in my head, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't really. She's very old fashioned and we have a lot of different views. She has always been a good mom, but she doesn't always support me. She's very judgmental, which makes it hard for her to really know me. I don't open up to people easily, and I find myself only sharing parts of myself with different people. Very few people know me. In school I was the quiet kid that everyone was curious about, but never really tried to get to know. My teacher once asked me how I dealt with my thoughts and feelings and I told her writing, and left it at that. I think one of the most difficult things in this world is to be yourself and be able to fit in, which is why I have never fit in. I have always refused to be mold into whatever others wanted me to be. I also think that's why no one really sees me, because I don't trust others. In reality I think a lot of people are like me, only showing certain parts of themselves. People only see what we want them to see. We can know someone our entire lives and not really know them. People are complicated, and no matter how well we think we know someone, there's always something about them we don't know. Sometimes I'm not entirely sure how well we really know ourselves.