Having a bad time of it lately, and Life.

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Life is strung together by moments, and you really have to cling on to those good moments when times are particularly crappy. There are a lot of bad moments and it seems like once something bad happens it's a downwards spiral until something good happens again. I sometimes wonder how much more I can handle, because things are going to get worse, and worse things will happen and continue to happen, but then you get this string of happy moments that helps you cling on. That saying "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" I've found it to be pretty true. You don't know what you're capable of handling until it's forced upon you. My family is having a particularly crappy time of it right now, I won't go into details, but it's pretty bad. Everything keeps getting thrown at us. We no sooner get through one thing and we have something else thrown at us. Right now we're clinging on, but I'm terrified one or a few of us are eventually going to let go, and from there it kind of snowballs. I sometimes wonder how much more we can take before we all let go? But I really hope I don't have to find the answer to that question. This past week has been tough. I've felt like I've been sucker punched in the gut, and that my world is standing still, only everyone else keeps moving around me, going on with their day to day, because what is a big deal to my family isn't to them. Life goes on, because it has to. Eventually ours will too, we'll eventually get through this until the next big thing happens and we're all left searching for what little strength we have left. I can't and won't talk about what's going on, because it's not my story to tell. Regardless it isn't one thing, it's several things all happening at once, some little some huge. It seems like the little things just kind of add to it. I've got so much stress and anxiety right now it's a wonder I'm still holding everything together. Everything keeps piling up. I've been trying to cling to the little moments that make my day, and to keep looking forward to some things, like my son's first tball game, and watching him ride his bike. It's those little moments of happiness I find myself clinging to, and that are keeping my head above water. I can't fix everything, and I have to keep reminding myself that some things I have no control over, and instead of stressing about some of those things I need to keep my head up and keep moving forward. Anxiety makes everything worse, I'm just trying to keep myself from falling back into a depression, because it would be so easy to do right now. We all cope the best we can, and I'm doing the best I can. I think of all the good things in my life, and that helps some. All we can do is keep holding on. One day things will turn around, because nothing stays bad forever no matter how horrible something is, we eventually find a way to move on, that's just how life works. We can overcome anything if we fight hard enough. People as a whole are pretty resilient, we can go through some of the most horrible things imaginable and still come out on the other side, but we have to keep surviving. It's those small moments of happiness in between all of the horrible things that keep us clinging on, those are those moments that keep us going. It's funny how some of us cling onto life so hard despite all of the horrible blows it has dealt us, I think it's that we're more afraid of what's on the other side, even if you believe in heaven or something more, you still only know so much about it, and it's that fear of the unknown that keeps you cling onto something that can be so horrible, but at least you know it. Life is funny that way. It leaves you clinging and grasping for every last breath despite how horrible you may have had it. Some of us definitely lead better lives than others, but most of us would rather cling onto this life than find out what lies beyond. Faith or no faith, we don't fully know or understand what lies beyond.