I got mad at my mother
By Morgan
@OneOfMany (12150)
United States
April 28, 2016 1:56pm CST
My mother has been working on a huge project for the last two years and it is in its construction phase right now. She is getting a little nervous because if it isn't built soon it might not get there, because the glass plant that is constructing the panels for it is running out of operation time (possibly).
At the same time there are many other projects in my family on different parts of the property. My own is the barn. I have always wanted to get the hay sold out of it and I have only a few hundred bales left. By all intents I have already done it because I had to put more in.
As I have cleared hay out I always sweep the floor and finally I decided that I would protect the floor boards by cleaning them and staining them to guard them for years to come. That is my project. I thought of it, and when we were out and about, I said we should get the supplies and we did.
Now, because she is antsy with her project, she is becoming antsy with mine. We talked last night and I have two months to get it done before it becomes an issue. I have been busy last week and the last few days so I haven't committed to it today. My plan was to start tomorrow.
So this morning because she is thinking about her project she starts in on mine. "If you can't do it now you need to hire help," and other such things. I snapped, because she struck a nerve. I told her it wasn't her worry because it was my project.
For the 5 years before I came back to this area I have done countless similar projects. At the time I was kind of a jack of all trades, and did driveways, painting projects, staining projects, interior flooring, roofs, gutters and landscaping. I don't know how many projects I have done, but I have never failed in doing one by myself. Her suggestion that I needed other people to get a one-man project done made me angry because she clearly has no confidence in my ability to get it done. If I say I will finish it, I will finish it.
Clearly the window of 2 months is scary to her, however, even if I go slow I can have it done in a week, and I planned to start tomorrow to get it ready for next week.
Now we're both angry at each other, but I'm not apologizing on this one because I'm tired of being looked down on. If I don't stand my ground then what good am I for the future? Anyways, she needs to stop adding irons to her fire and realize that some people can take care of what they need to without intervention.
14 people like this
13 responses
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
28 Apr 16
Mother's will always worry. It is something that we do. I do the same thing with my children who are all adults and can do just fine without me worrying.
3 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
28 Apr 16
@OneOfMany well as long as you pull it all together in a timely manner it will help her to calm her worries.
1 person likes this
@OneOfMany (12150)
• United States
28 Apr 16
It's mainly because it popped up on her mind because of her project, her potential project, the fact that her sister asked for help on a property maintenance project, and she assumes I'm not as busy as I should be. A good portion of my work load is mental, so even on the days where it looks like I'm not doing much I'm still putting in a full day of calculations, research and problem solving. It's what I do.
1 person likes this
@OneOfMany (12150)
• United States
28 Apr 16
@ElusiveButterfly I don't care all that much about doing it timely or not. It will get done when I get there. :D
1 person likes this
@Rosekitty (19368)
• San Marcos, Texas
28 Apr 16
I can see where you are coming from..some people can do things at a faster pace and others need longer time frames..you seem to be in the quicker stage..i sure hope she backs down and allows you to do your project at your pace..hugs
2 people like this
@OneOfMany (12150)
• United States
28 Apr 16
She has no choice in the matter. I won't hire anyone and I will get it done. She's just trying to hurry people in other projects because she can't move people in her own project. Meanwhile I actually enjoy some down time between activities. I have been moving hard since last week, I'm taking a physical break and am engaging in mental activities. It's the way I balance myself. :)
2 people like this
@Rosekitty (19368)
• San Marcos, Texas
29 Apr 16
@OneOfMany that is great to do things you like in your down time
2 people like this
@OneOfMany (12150)
• United States
29 Apr 16
@Rosekitty I'm writing stories. I don't get the opportunity to too much these days. It's nice to write while I can!
2 people like this
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
29 Apr 16
all I can say is women sometimes look at things differently. I dont like hearing general timeframes, I feel better when I get a "I will start this on Wed, I expect it to take a week", not I will get to it. (not saying you said that), but I know hubby will often tell me, "I will do it". I wait and wait and wait, way past when I am ok with it not being done yet, start it myself, and then get told "I was going to do it". This enrages me.
Communication can be different is all I mean.
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
29 Apr 16
@OneOfMany oh I am not saying you can, just that women's minds work differently. I am sure she is worried about everything and was trying to find something to control to feel more in control, and picked a bad place.
1 person likes this
@OneOfMany (12150)
• United States
29 Apr 16
@Jessicalynnt Well I know how that is. Men do it too, trying to control a project or situation. But I can understand why she decided to do it because her project lacks control. She has other people she needs to do it. I think a team would hurt my project rather than making it better.
1 person likes this
@OneOfMany (12150)
• United States
29 Apr 16
I can't make specific deadlines with this project because I don't know what it will take until I start it. And all that doesn't really matter, to be frank. I started this project because it was my idea and my territory. She and my father don't really spend any time in the loft like I do. Also, unlike both of them, I have a severe project limiter. When I go all out, it doesn't matter what I do, I will get a migraine. Because I really dislike migraines I take a project slow unless there's no choice. After all, who purposely seeks out pain?
Knowing that I took today off because of my busy schedule otherwise (it's not really off, I was working all day, just not physically). Now I won't burn out, and that means I won't get a migraine from working at a good clip.
To give you perspective on the project insanity around here, I could work 15 hours a day for 5 months and still not finish all the projects. It never ends.
1 person likes this
@OneOfMany (12150)
• United States
29 Apr 16
@shshiju Yep. At certain times being closer to someone will make them more agitated.
1 person likes this
@OneOfMany (12150)
• United States
30 Apr 16
@CRK109 Yes, and that stack that is in the corner still has been spoken for as well, so after moving this big amount I can get rid of the other stuff too. And then there will be hardly any hay up there to get dusty when I move dirt around.
@OneOfMany (12150)
• United States
29 Apr 16
Yes, and as of today I just got more orders for the hay that is up there and had to move it anyway. If I moved that other pile yesterday it would have been in the way for today's amount. So it's better to wait and do things right.
1 person likes this
@CRK109 (14556)
• United States
30 Apr 16
@OneOfMany I'm so glad everything worked out well! Sometimes there's a method to the madness, as they say! :)
1 person likes this
@rina110383 (24492)
•
28 Apr 16
We have the same attitude. When I painted my room years ago in my parents' place, my dad wanted me hire someone to do the painting. I insisted that I can do it. He has no confidence in my ability to do things on my own.
While all of them are sleeping at night, I was busy painting my room's ceiling and walls. I did it well. If I listened to him, it could have been an additional cost.
2 people like this
@OneOfMany (12150)
• United States
28 Apr 16
I just spent all day yesterday traveling for my uncle to get him checked up with his eye doctor. After a full day of travel I don't like to jump into a project especially since I won't have any down time until the following week (Friday through Tuesday would be busy days), so I was taking some time to rest and work on other tasks.
Just like you, it's an unnecessary cost, because it wouldn't be too difficult for me to just get it done while they are doing other things. As it stands they are always making more projects all the time. They can't seem to find ways to do things fast enough. I wish they'd just settle down. I've been back here for almost 3 years and it's a constant jump from one project to another. There's no end.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
30 Apr 16
ouch I bet she is still looking at you as her kid forgetting yo u are an adult and perfectly capable of finishing your own program in the time you allotted. You will
have to remind her you are all grown up lol
@crossbones27 (49432)
• Mojave, California
30 Apr 16
That is why I hate being in charge of people and in your case projects. It made me behave in a way I always hated because of the stress on time constraints which was mostly do because of money. The company wanted unrealistic goals because they would get a great profit. I always say take your time and do it right the first time. Another thing money makes people do is give the illusion that speed is the only way. My company lost so much money trying to do it as fast as possible.Always having to go back later and fixing all the mistakes of a rush job. Like they say it takes as long as it takes.
@slund2041 (3314)
• United States
3 May 16
I understand your frustration with your mother. However, all mother worry and fret over the small stuff. I also want to say not to have hurtful words with your mother, because you want always have her. You never want to regret any part of life, as she will not always be alive.
Mother worry, that is what they do. We do not have to like it, but we Must respect them.
1 person likes this
@OneOfMany (12150)
• United States
3 May 16
From long ago I used to repress my anger and rage, and now I never do that. If I hadn't gotten openly mad when she ticked me off it would have been repressed and I would have been trying to drag it out for a long time. Unfortunately for me, venting is better when it's intense.
@jstory07 (139697)
• Roseburg, Oregon
29 Apr 16
Take your time it is your project to do at your own speed.
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
29 Apr 16
Maybe she meant well by suggesting alternatives. My Dad gets like that all the time. Not living with them helps a lot
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
29 Apr 16
@OneOfMany sounds like she just wanted someone telling her everything is going to be ok
@OneOfMany (12150)
• United States
29 Apr 16
No, I'm fully aware that of her panic mode, and she was in it. It's because too many things are out of her control that she wanted to control a situation and I denied her that.
I don't live with them, I live out of town but I stopped by while running errands to drop something off.
1 person likes this
@pinkCardigangirl (587)
• United States
30 Apr 16
I'm sorry she shifted some of her worry onto your project. I hope the anger subsides. :)
1 person likes this
@OneOfMany (12150)
• United States
30 Apr 16
It already has. We didn't even need to talk about it. Space is the best solution for those types of situations.
1 person likes this
@roxvaz (65)
•
2 May 16
being a mother myself, i know very well how frayed edges can lead to a tear in the tapestry of life. in my opinion, at this point both of you feel you were not wrong and may not want to apologize. But believe me this.... in situations like this it is not always an apology that can help mend.... you can still stand you ground, but mellow out in daily interactions. I hope you get what i mean. Try to avoid showing your anger - don't speak - but dont be mad either. I started this with my kids and now it is a daily practice in my house. No matter the age of my kids... from the youngest to the eldest, we get mad with each other, but before the night falls, we make sure there is clear air in the room. Try it.... it may just work out well. Good luck
1 person likes this
@OneOfMany (12150)
• United States
2 May 16
In this case the best approach was the one I took, because it was a proximity thing. I don't get mad often, but we talked about it again later and I told her my thoughts. Besides, after the weekend I sold a bunch of hay, so that's a lot less to clear out from up top now! Had I moved the bales just because she said so, they would have been in my way and it would have been more work.
In this instance my decision was the correct one!
1 person likes this
