WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
By GreatMartin
@GreatMartin (23672)
Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
May 2, 2016 11:21am CST
Okay, I have a problem--or I have made it my problem--here are the facts.
I have a friend who at 85 is still very active at his job--he feels he will live forever which, I guess, is a good but not realistic attitude. He has recently acknowledged that his body is slowing down.
A few weeks ago he had a head on collision--his fault--no one was hurt except for his black and blue marks plus a lot of soreness from the two airbags (side and front)--his car was totaled--the second he has totaled in 3 years--he has had a few tickets for various offenses.
He won't give up driving--he loves his job--it gets him out of the house (he is climbing walls after 3 weeks of being home)--his partner wants him to think of retiring but he won't which I can understand but I have suggested his cutting back, mainly on the area he works and the deliveries he makes.
They do live in an area that is somewhat isolated--not near buses or shopping areas--but I suggested that it would be cheaper for them to use cabs which in the long run would probably be cheaper.
He has bought a new (used) car--I am sort of hoping his insurance hike will be so great he might think twice but I don't think so, that is if they even agree to insure him.
My greatest fear is that he won't die of old age but in an automobile accident in which he might cause the death of another person in another car.
His partner won't talk to their doctor--nor do I think he really wants him to give up having a car.
I feel helpless which isn't something I feel in any other situation.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
11 people like this
13 responses
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
4 May 16
I am seriously thinking of calling the Senior Elderly Affairs group here to see what they say can be done.
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
6 May 16
@JudyEv The thing that people have to remember is that if you take a car away YOU have to offer their transportation of some within easy/inexpensive reach.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (340019)
• Rockingham, Australia
4 May 16
@GreatMartin We were speaking to someone yesterday who is buying a new car. His other one is very old and his mother drives it. This one is higher and she won't be able to see to drive it. It is his way of getting her off the road. Funny that it came up so soon after reading your post.
1 person likes this
@amadeo (111938)
• United States
2 May 16
Very hard Martin.Do I know this person.He should either stop or take a defense driving Course that AARP hold.
Many older citizen do this.Is he alert,how is the mind so many thing.Giving up driving is very hard on the elders.
They want to hang on to this.But then again we do not want him to hurt anyone while driving.
Sounds like he needs to be busy.Find out a way what he can do.Without the use of a car.
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
3 May 16
He has taken the Defensive Driving course but it is his sitting and listening to what they have to say--they don't in anyway test them behind a wheel!!
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
4 May 16
@amadeo No, no road test--and you get a new license EVERY 8 years!!!
@amadeo (111938)
• United States
3 May 16
@GreatMartin oh they do not take you out on the road.
Just an oral test?Do you know what cause the crash?
1 person likes this
@garymarsh6 (23404)
• United Kingdom
2 May 16
If he has had three crashes I would certainly question his driving abilities. Delayed reaction times I wonder if he has cataracts too? I would have thought that perhaps after his third crash he would have realised himself. I guess he does not want to give in and keep going and does not want to face reality!
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
3 May 16
He is a dying breed-one of the last--a Fuller Brush salesman--he needs the car to work BUT he doesn't have to work as though they aren't rich they are comfortable--as like most old people he feels if you take away his car he loses his freedom.
@PainsOnSlate (21852)
• Canada
4 May 16
You are between a rock and a hard place. I have no idea what I would do so I can't imagine what you will do. He shouldn't be driving, with his accident history, it might be time to move to the city with public transit.
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
6 May 16
Their home is paid for so they won't listen to that! :O)
1 person likes this
@JohnRoberts (109846)
• Los Angeles, California
2 May 16
From what you describe, it is time for him to hang it up driving. Next time, someone else may be hurt and he can't continue buying cars. That's tough if his partner isn't encouraging him to do so. You can only push so far on the subject. State your case and alternative solutions.
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
3 May 16
I have--my next step is to call our Senior Agency and see what they can do or suggest.
@jacksta1 (111)
• Indonesia
5 May 16
What you are doing is correct, as colleagues of course also have an obligation to provide advice and input, that in his advanced age is very dangerous when driving alone. Besides the already weakened physical condition, of vision has also been reduced. If happens in the street, it is bound to harm himself and even would interfere with the safety of other road users.
And it should be considered.
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
6 May 16
But all he know is that he has to stop working and give up his freedom--explain that to someone you love and care for.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
22 May 16
ow that is a tough one I would feel like I should intervene yet I would not want to htr the old fellows feelings eitther I g uess any i ntervention should come from relatives I guess
I g uess I would be in the same fix you are I would hate to think hemight kill himself in an ac ident and other people too his partner should put in a word about this
@sulynsi (2671)
• Canada
2 May 16
I feel sorry for you, there really is not much that you can do.
I am surprised, with the history of offenses, that the ministry of transport, or whatever the licensing agency is in the area, hasn't stepped in.
Of course, many folks who have their licenses suspended still drive, so if the person is so determined to drive, they will still go out and take risks.
Not just his own safety, but as you mentioned, he may kill someone else. His attitude is completely self centered, so I doubt he would care much about it, or would convince himself that he's hurting no one, just as he is not convinced, after totaling two cars, that he has no problem.
There are none so blind as those who will not see, as the saying goes.
By the same token, I feel sorry for older people, who really lose a lot of their autonomy through the cruel process of aging. 
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
3 May 16
Yes it is that loss of mobility and freedom that makes an old person not see the consequences that can happen from what they are doing.
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
3 May 16
He is fine but taking uber or a cab is not the same as having your own car. I told him to just uber but he says he can't do his work that way--he needs a car!
@LeaPea2417 (37353)
• Toccoa, Georgia
18 May 16
Tell him your concerns , but it is good that he has a zest for life at his age, that is great. I am sure he can still live a full life without driving.
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
15 May 16
@GreatMartin It's a farce here too - we do have to renew our licence every 3 years after age 70, but we don't actually have to take any tests - just say that we're not suffering from such and such, and hey presto your licence for another 3 years.
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
16 May 16
@jaboUK Well I don't have to renew my license until 2021!!! LOL
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
15 May 16
And he just had his license renewed for 8 years without any tests--well an eye test but that is it!
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
3 May 16
They can on vacations every year--to Australia, on cruises, last year Chine, etc., It all hast to do with the old person's mindset--take the car and you take their freedom. I can understand to a certain extent as I haven't had a car for 12 years--can't afford the insurance!! Fort Lauderdale is not an easy city to get around without a car.
@Marilynda1225 (82799)
• United States
2 May 16
It's very difficult saying what should be done and when it's time to give up driving. I just hope he doesn't have a major accident which will take the decision out of his hands
1 person likes this
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
3 May 16
That' s the one thing I am worreid about along what if he kills someone in an accident!!
