MONSTER UNDER MY SKIN...

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For ten years there's been a monster living under my skin. Its controlled me, and worst has destroy me. One moment less then five seconds ten years ago has destroy my way of living. Please don't judge me for I am ..i need...I do ...I want ...HELP ... I started smoking. Crystal ten years ago. And also met the love of my life. We both smoke however have three gorgeous kids as well together . I still have a conscious of reality and recently seeked help for rehabilitation. Cause our three kids need their mom to be there. In 2006 at only age 17 I met their father..and moved in ASAP... For my dads disapproval of me seeing him. So lived with him and his family for ten years as of now..we had our had our first son in 2010 then shortly in 2012 we had our second son and finally in 2013 our daughter...their names our angel. Isaiah. And clarity...but in 2014 of June we lost them to cps to a dirty drug test... I miss them alot. ...since June 2014 I havemt seen my kids for they are with the fathers. Parents...its unfair for my boyfriend. Sees them basically anytime he would like and we both have done the crime...I've been suffering for these two years for I have no family nor friends to be with me and help me find a way out of this struggle. ..only my boyfriend. And his family. But they hate me and he always is busy and can't help me get better. Anyways cause he himself still smokes. Till this day and one smoker can't change another smoker...till today with from just a phone call I received twenty minutes ago ...good news finally ...a rehabilitation. Center is taking me in finally tomorrow and 9am is my first day. And i will. Be recovering for a month. Ill miss my boyfriend. Continue to be alone for many days but eventually after those 30 days will see a rainbow at the end of that dark tunnel. Which. Is my happiest and reuniting. With my babies. Finally. I hope in there I become normal and do things. I. Wish and have dreamed about for awhile now. Such as taking my kids to school or driving. .im 26 and badly want to learn to drive..:). Well please pray for my recovery if not for me for my kids...we need many blessing at this time..thanks.