Understanding 72 year old mother

Yes. Rather sad. But imagine how much of hurt that woman must have gone through to desert common sense in favor of making the society shut up. As an educated person, I can fight back. Make others feel uncomfortable. As traditional woman, she must have really faced a lot of torment being labeled as barren woman not called for functions, treated as outcast and all that.

There is teasing like...what do you need monies for, you don't have kids. And then the woman does not get invited to some of the social functions because she is considered inauspicious. Many rituals cannot be performed because her uterus is by default supposed to be faulty even if the fault lies with the man. Many small and big things. My former landlord's grandson would love to come down and play with us. My neighbors were childless couple. The moment he would go to their place, people from upstairs would call loudly from the window saying don't go to barren woman's house. I have seen that neighbor hurting. Fast forward, similar things have happened to me as well. So it is much much much more than mere teasing.

@LadyDuck ...Yes it is Anna. And it needs to change.

@vandana7 I believe that is something specific to your country, we have many couple who decided not to have children and they are nor discriminated or teased.

@vandana7 Another point is that some people are more interested than other in kids. I, myself, start having and interest when they are 3 or 4. Babies are not for me.

Oh it is really rotten out here. Even educated folks, sophisticated folks don't understand double income no kids (dinks). They feel it is the duty of every woman to bear a child or two. I have had a major argument on such personal space in one of the posts out here on myLot. It would be hard for people to believe that a myLotter holds such views.

There should be laws against those remarks and actions. That is what leads to such follies.

@pufitzamison ... I think there are things we need to make others alert about...so that they become sensitive, and next person does not suffer like us.

@vandana7 i don't put them to my heart and that is enough...maybe God will give me a children to when he consider that is the time.

Out here there are ample things to be teased about. A girl is not married. Good reason to tease. A couple does not have a child. Tease. A woman gives birth to a girl. Tease. (they call them negatives or minus sign). A woman becomes a widow. Tease. We sure know how to label ridicule to be sense of humor.

@vandana7 There's a difference between a small amount of mild, mostly good-natured teasing and the kind of social pressure (from the community at large rather than from family and close friends). Girls (and boys) are sometimes teased a little if they seem reluctant to get married or, these days, to get a steady partner and young couples are also sometimes reminded by their parents that a grandchild or two might be nice but, while it is a little annoying to be the butt of such innuendoes, it is rarely very pressurised and certainly doesn't result in being ostracised by the community.

@owlwings ..It goes bad Owl..it is one thing if family members try to tease, or close friends do that. But if colleagues say since you don't have kids you adopt my daughter or write everything in favor of my daughter it ceases to be teasing but becomes a type of ridicule, especially when it has some silly laughter following it.

A 72 year old woman gave birth to baby in India with IVF. She is not exactly in good health, nor is her husband. The sperm is donated by her husband but the egg is not hers. The worst news is the child weighed just about 2 kg..at birth.

@just4him LOL..here nobody wants children. They would be happy to give away...lol. She probably got good money for it, and would not want to be burdened..lol

@vandana7 That is very light weight. I hope the child survives. If the egg did not belong to the woman who gave birth, will the person who donated the egg want her child?

Oh everybody has rights to trample over our feelings...that is why I have taken to trampling over theirs. They are so lost in their goals that they do not realize that they are hurting. Rude awakenings are a must if people are not that sensitive.

It is more of a ridicule...a lot of it. We don't get called at family functions.

Most of the time people are attempting to sponge on childless folks. My former boss I was not even 45...he said..you are not married, you don't have kids, why do you need salary for. Oh I don't have to eat, I don't have home loans to repay, I don't have parent to take care of, I don't have retirement to provide for. There should be laws against such sponging attitudes which irritate. They pressurize through martyr attitude or suffering image. Licensed to pressurize...if the childless are not impressed others step in, having been taken in by such martyr or suffering acting. If the childless do not relent..they are automatically "selfish"...sure ..why did the person have children...if he or she couldn't afford them. Competing for help with genuinely deserving cases. It is not money aspect...it is who deserves help and who should be helped. What is the point in giving to somebody who can earn, and has proper job?. Orphans can't. Orphans have nobody. I am not taking complete responsibility here. To the extent that I can because that is what I wanted to do - instead of one child, 10 children. As substitute for the regular child on growing up at home, I will seek a care giver who will be reasonably compensated. That is the idea. Nobody takes the money up to heaven or hell. But who deserves it matters. To make the life of one child beautiful, I am not going to overlook the life of 10 helpless children. How much god permits, I will do. We both do not have to agree on this. It is my life.

Others may have made their lives miserable. Relatives, and why relatives, even friends may be saying..why do you need monies..you haven't any children, and borrowing and not returning, or forcing themselves on that couple. Not inviting them to functions, treating them as outcast. Lot of things happen Gary..hard to tell you how much it hurts ..ridicule passes of as joke..and everybody laughs at that..and the person is forced lamely join the laughter even when inside the heart the person is crying.

@garymarsh6 .. So they merely wanted it all to stop possibly and created hell for the child.

@vandana7 That is very true Vanny. There are many who suffer like this. People can be very unkind and hurtful sometimes!

I sure understand this. It is not exactly carefree life, with most people constantly interfering with our lives, and treating us as folks who don't need monies for anything. lol. But well, compared to those who have children, this is a better life. There are both financial worries as well as health and happiness worries about children. At this end, we only have had financial problems to tackle. I sure understand their reasons to envy.

@DaddyEvil ... I could have asked somebody ...you have such inheritable ailment, and you are suffering with it...you know how bad it is..why did you opt to have a child instead of adopting one. But courtesy, sensitivity, and good manners prevented me from doing so. It is, after all, a personal decision, right? The operative words there being "personal decision". It should work for childless folks as well who are periodically subjected to humiliations like adopt me, adopt my child...for god's sake...there are enough orphans. If situation was conducive, they would go and pick from there.

Here treatment is...if you don't have children, don't come to our place. You wont be invited at functions. You wont get to perform certain rights...etc. etc.

@Jessy3236 When people ask my daughter when/if she is planning on giving me grandchildren (They usually word it that way, too, as if I will join them in getting her to have a baby.) she always replies that we have too many health problems in our family. She is not willing to pass them on to a child. Very rarely is she ask again by anyone who knows that person. (We assume the gossip brigade is working as normal.)

Yes. In India if a widow is teased, there are laws against that. But if a childless couple is teased, there are no laws against it.

@vandana7 there should be.to be fair..right?

Yeah...much harsher...word is needed..