ok so....I'm finally going to share a song I wrote....
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
Perth, Australia
May 15, 2016 4:11pm CST
*breathes deeply* This isn't the most easy thing for me to do but I guess I want to ask your opinion about it.
I think I was 13 or 14 years old when I wrote this. It is a song. There is a tune but obviously I can't sing it to you....even if it were possible I still wouldn't lol
I don't like it as a poem because it is a song like I said but still, I would love some feedback on my style of writing. The story itself is personal. If there's something you don't understand then I can explain but I hope you understand what it means. Basically mum walked out on us one night and didn't know where she went and blah blah ya get it. You may ask, it was best? Why? Well....because my parents used to fight a lot and she was usually the one who started it. So I am not saying I was happy about her going. But them being together wasn't working is what I am trying to say.
I haven't written much in a very very long time. I have reasons for not trying but every now and then I feel like being creative and then I just freeze. As if I can't do it anymore. It's annoying because I know that I do have a passion for it.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. If not then, like I said, some feedback would be great thank you.
*It Was Best*
Sitting down eating dinner
See you from the corner of my eye
A sad song playing on the radio
I know you're beginning to cry
All of a sudden I've lost my appetite
Don't want to eat anymore
But we have all felt like this
Since mum walked out the door
Wherever she is, wherever she may be
Where did she go? She didn't tell me
I love her so much and dad I love you too
But it was best for me, and it was best for you
Now we are in those bad times
I can not tell a lie
I'm sorry to open up and tell you this but
Mum had to say her goodbye
All of a sudden I've just lost my faith
Don't want to live anymore
But we have all felt like this
Since mum walked out the door
Wherever she is, wherever she may be
Where did she go? She didn't tell me
I love her so much and dad I love you too
But it was best for me, and it was best for you
8 people like this
12 responses
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
16 May 16
One of the disadvantages of being a good friend is whenever they praise, it is directly put under "They are supposed / expected to do so" 
I will keep it short and say "I loved it. Your writing style I imagine would have improved an iota if it was that good at only 13 or 14."
Oh forget keeping it short. If you don't believe me then in your words "screw you"
"The lines are catchy. I am already repeating them in my head. And there are very few English lyrics that are able to do that for me. This is definitely one of them. The part I highlighted below is the best part. Being saddled with an overactive imagination, I already shot a video on it in my head. I always imagine my own interpretation of how a video to a song I like (and the lyrics that touch me) should be. In tune with the lyrics and the meaning behind it."
I was singing my own tune right along the song. This part of the lyrics I imagined being sung as chorus. Or maybe at slightly higher note from the rest.
Wherever she is, wherever she may be
Where did she go? She didn't tell me
I love her so much and dad I love you too
But it was best for me, and it was best for you
At least that was how I was doing it for me.
You have mentioned it several times how reluctant you are sharing your writings and songs. I am really proud of you for shedding that reluctance a bit. Even though it was hard. I am taking it as a good sign. A hurdle you crossed. Really happy right about now!
Thank you for the share!
I will keep it short and say "I loved it. Your writing style I imagine would have improved an iota if it was that good at only 13 or 14."
Oh forget keeping it short. If you don't believe me then in your words "screw you"
"The lines are catchy. I am already repeating them in my head. And there are very few English lyrics that are able to do that for me. This is definitely one of them. The part I highlighted below is the best part. Being saddled with an overactive imagination, I already shot a video on it in my head. I always imagine my own interpretation of how a video to a song I like (and the lyrics that touch me) should be. In tune with the lyrics and the meaning behind it."
I was singing my own tune right along the song. This part of the lyrics I imagined being sung as chorus. Or maybe at slightly higher note from the rest.
Wherever she is, wherever she may be
Where did she go? She didn't tell me
I love her so much and dad I love you too
But it was best for me, and it was best for you
At least that was how I was doing it for me.
You have mentioned it several times how reluctant you are sharing your writings and songs. I am really proud of you for shedding that reluctance a bit. Even though it was hard. I am taking it as a good sign. A hurdle you crossed. Really happy right about now!
Thank you for the share!3 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
16 May 16
@vandana7 You have to read this. Can you feel the lyrics?
2 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
16 May 16
@vandana7 It's not mine. It's I quoted from the main post. Read that and you will understand. 
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
18 May 16
@Daljinder lol I meant back then.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
18 May 16
@JudyEv Thank you very much. :)
I do remember exactly where I was sitting at the time and what dad was listening to. I literally was sitting down eating my dinner and the song dad was listening to was making him emotional. I could tell he was wondering what the hell was happening. Our lives changed dramatically.
Out of the blue this tune and words were coming in my head and I quickly got up and went to my room to sing and write whatever was coming through.
At the time it may have made me feel better to vent some things. But I also felt it didn't matter either for I didn't share it with anyone. I didn't see the point. My world was crashing down way too fast for me to try and reach out to anybody. Which is what I needed the most. But I literally had no one.
2 people like this
@Marcyaz (35316)
• United States
18 May 16
@VivaLaDani13
You are Welcome,
Two weeks no wonder you thought what you did. Everyone does stupid things at times but can still be good in general.
2 people like this
@Marcyaz (35316)
• United States
19 May 16
@VivaLaDani13
I hope you can find love and peace in your heart.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
18 May 16
@Marcyaz Yeah I know. I realise that being in awful situations can make people do stupid things. Sometimes when people are thrown into a life changing situation, we can panic and do things we never even thought of doing. As much as I understand that, I hope I can still find total peace with everything that happened.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100282)
• India
18 May 16
@VivaLaDani13 ...Just wish you best and I know you will come through as well...hugs.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
18 May 16
@vandana7 Thank you very much! 
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
18 May 16
@vandana7 I am glad that you can move on from some awful things that you have dealt with. I do believe that dwelling on the past can affect ones future. I admire those who are strong enough to let go to move on.
Thank you for reading! :)
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
18 May 16
@Jdaw1985 Thank you very much! I appreciate your time and opinion. :)
1 person likes this
@Jdaw1985 (3967)
• Harrells, North Carolina
18 May 16
@VivaLaDani13 Hope you have a great day.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
19 May 16
@Jdaw1985 Thank you. You too!
1 person likes this
@flipitup (123)
• Iloilo, Philippines
16 May 16
It's a good one. I find it emotional. There aren't many songs about family out there. Just one thing, These lines: Sitting down eating diner. All of a sudden I've lost my appetite. I'd want these lines changed and be more poetic but It's your style anyway. I'm kind of an old fashioned type of listener so...
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
18 May 16
@flipitup Thank you for reading and your kind words.
I see what you are saying thank you for the tip. I guess it's hard to hear the tune when it's only written out.
2 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
18 May 16
@VivaLaDani13 But the lines flow fine for me 
2 people like this
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
18 May 16
@VivaLaDani13 I can imagine how it tore your family apart - a mother is supposed to be central to her family, and put their needs before her own.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
18 May 16
@jaboUK Thank you for reading my song. I wish I knew how to play an instrument. I do have a tune for it which I can sing it out but can't play music.
It wasn't a good time for any of us back then. One day I am thinking about venting about it on here. Too much happened that's hard to forgive and forget.
2 people like this
@birjudanak (14320)
• India
24 May 16
its really heart touching song and its very difficult to live without mom because she is more then 24 carat gold and good care taker so i just cant imagine my life without her and really sorry for that you lost you mother in young age its very difficult in that stage but your father take care you well and you are very close to you father so in the end you said that it was best for me and best for you but its unforgettable person what ever you try but you cant forget her....
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
25 May 16
Thank you very much for your opinion and your kind words. Really appreciate it! :)
1 person likes this
@AnnaAutopsy (705)
• United States
15 May 16
These lyrics have something strong within them, so powerful it would grab anyone's attention. And, a lot of people could relate to this. I wish I could hear it with a melody behind it. You are very talented, and I hope you never give up writing.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
18 May 16
@AnnaAutopsy Thank you so much for taking the time to read it and for your encouraging words.
I do have a tune. I am wanting to have music behind it so one day I will look for someone to put music behind it. Thank you again! :)
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
18 May 16
@meao95 Thank you very much. :)
Yes I gave it a tune while I was writing it. I wrote this in like 10 minutes. Wrote a lot back then. I sang this in front of about 500 people when my school did a concert thing.
I still do sing every now and then. Mainly when I am home alone though.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
14 Jun 16
@Umesh_K Thank you very much! Appreciate it!
2 people like this
@rachz_kisses (3838)
• Philippines
14 Jun 16
That is a very emotional song... but beautiful.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
14 Jun 16
@rachz_kisses Thank you very much for taking the time to read it and for your lovely comment!
2 people like this
