To Be Honest ..

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A week and a half ago I recieved the second denial from my health insurance for a new medication I was trying; (Rexulti). To be honest, I expected it. I never expected my doctor to say, "yes" when I asked if there were something that would help. Hope started building. He mentioned "samples" and my heart sank slightly. "Samples" meant that chances are it was something that needed to be approved by insurance. By the time he handed me the samples, my mind had already decided to use the opportunity, provided the meds worked, to form new healthier habits in body and mind however long I could get the samples. That was my intent to begin with. Within days of beginning the 'Rexulti', just 0.5mg., wonderful changes happened in my world. One day at a time to one moment at a time I began to open to my physical and mental changes. I didn't just sit there trying to talk myself out of doing something. I just did it, happily. I maintained the thought that this med. could be ending. The day came that I swallowed my last pill. It was two days after my second denial. The sense of loss was almost immediate but not really harsh. I reminded myself of my original plan and had accomplished it. Most of my newly formed good habits have taken hold. Only about one third of my days are spent talking myself out of things and going with the easiest, not best, choices for myself. I understand the insurance company's denial. During the summer I will try two medications that they want me to "try" before they approve. The Rexulti worked so well that I really want to get it approved before my S.A.D. season begins. *may you all be safe and well*