Sharing bills in a relationship, is it OK?
By Mysteria
@Mysteria (209)
Philippines
May 27, 2016 8:00am CST
Seriously, I'm new in the country where my bf is residing and due to that I'm not yet able to find a job. I need to do alot of adjustments here like study so that my profession back home will be accepted here, and a bunch of other reasons to state here. Me & my bf go out once in awhile and for that I have no money so to speak to used or spend for us, the thing is that he is the one shouldering the expenses, and since he is a calculative he hardly spend money on me.I felt sometimes that he is avoiding to take me with him because he knows he might buy me a drink or so. Back home in the Philippines I notice men are more gallant. stating my brother and his friends as an example they all spend for their gf whenever necessary. He also suggest if we live together that we will have an account were both of us will put the same amount of money there. I disagree and told him that we cant put equal amount because women here are paid lower than men and if it is the case we should just give 50 percent of our salary in that account. In your opinion would you think it is right to share bills?
4 people like this
7 responses
@rona07 (1641)
• Philippines
27 May 16
Yep for me it is okay to share bills.. Especially if you are living together. And maybe he is just being thrifty so that he can save for that expenses, so he is not taking you on dates frequently. With regards to deviding the share. You both should really discuss it. Or you can shoulder some bills with lower amounts like your electricity or groceries. And if you are worried of the equal amounts. Explain to him your 50/50 idea point out that your share might be minimal but youll be the one cooking or cleaning the house.
1 person likes this
@Mysteria (209)
• Philippines
27 May 16
household chores is not a problem to me, i dont mind working at home like doing the dishes, cooking and cleaning its our duty as a woman to atlleast make our hubby feel comfy.I also dont mind giving him my entire salary but the case is he wants us to have a joint account where we will put certain amount from our salary and the rest we will keep it to ourselves. Its not a good idea because i might not earn as big as him it doesnt look equal if that will be the case.
@OKennedy (1130)
• United States
27 May 16
Money is a deal breaker in many relationships. I think since where you are the amount of income is different maybe it shouldn't be something where you both put money in the account even if it isn't the same amount. IE: If he is making $400 a wk and you make half of that him expecting you to save and match his $200 isn't fair but you can both agree to deposit a minimum that is reasonable for you both. Like maybe each of you save $50 a wk and if you have or want to put more you can but that would be the minimum amount. It is just my opinion but you two won't last it's obvious money will be a problem for you guys he expects you to carry your weight and be his financial equal which will not be the case if you have children in the future.
1 person likes this
@Mysteria (209)
• Philippines
27 May 16
I agree, thanks for the great advice. i think that he needs to learn to be a little bit more open when it comes to money. I heard from my parents the more you close your fist the more money will not come and if you open it too much then it will also slide just balance it.
1 person likes this
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
27 May 16
I'm not married and in a long term relationship with my boyfriend. I agree with you men make more so it's not equal for us we keep our earnings different then each month we put money into a joint account to spend on the both of us. Larger purchases we use with our own funds or savings from our joint. So far it works out for us.
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
28 May 16
@Mysteria
As of right now since he's supporting you - he should allow you some money as you're transitioning.
Is he having any financial hardships or college tuitions or loans he's paying in addition to supporting the family?
@Mysteria (209)
• Philippines
5 Jun 16
@infatuatedbby no he isnt supporting me but my family, he just have to pay bills sometimes when we went out on a date. it hardly happened
1 person likes this
@Mysteria (209)
• Philippines
27 May 16
that is good to hear, well that is also how i want to and how he wants too. i dont mind actually giving all my salary to him or making a joint account and put all my money there because Im not calculative and my sis and her hubby have a joint account that all their earnings go there, they dont have any separate bank account but hearing from him he wants that we will have a joint account and we will just put a certain amount of money and we will keep some to ourselves makes me think that he is really very much into his money.
1 person likes this
@slayer08 (2377)
• Philippines
27 May 16
If you live together, it's both of you that's using the same amount of utilities together, it's not like one will shower while the other will not. You will really have to shell out for all expenses because it would be unfair if it's just him who will shoulder most of it just because he has a higher pay. Just my opinion..
@Mysteria (209)
• Philippines
27 May 16
i agree it will be both of us using the same amount of utilities, but for instance he is earning 2000 and he will give 1000 while I'm earning an amount of 1500 and i will give 1000 where is the equality there? i dont earn as much as him? it should be 50 percent for both of us. so I will give my share of 700 and he will give 1000 and that is fair enough to used in paying all our expenses.
@toniganzon (72517)
• Philippines
27 May 16
And i am with you on that. IN fact i don't agree on the fact that only men need to spend on women. Does it still happen in today's world. I remember sharing bills with my boyfriend when we were dating coz i didn't want him to pay for everything.
1 person likes this
@Mysteria (209)
• Philippines
27 May 16
@toniganzon I dont mean to say that men should be the only one, what I mean with that is when the girl is still new on the country and still doesnt have a job, i think its just normal that a man should help her out until she is ready and have everything she needs to help in paying everything they need.Seriously in dating i think who ever initiates the meeting or invite the person should pay the bill.
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
27 May 16
No point having this kind of boyfriend.
I think after you have a job, you just find a better one.
If he does not want to spend on you, and next time after marriage, do you think he wants to let you stay home and take care of kids?
Better cut off this relationship as soon as you can.
Short term pain is still better than suffering for the rest of your life.
Personally I think he loves his money more than he loves anyone else.
@scheng1 (24649)
• Singapore
29 May 16
@Mysteria Not possible. Don't fool yourself.
He will only get worse, and not better.
If you want evidence, you can talk to those who get divorce after a few years of marriage.
They think that they marry a guy they know and love, and they think that they can change a guy.
