How I got my friend in trouble

Jabo

@jaboUK (64354)

• United Kingdom

1 Jun 16

@TheHorse You seem to be so good with kids, I bet they love you.

4 people like this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

I think she's a bit too hard on him. That may be a part of why he seeks me out. He and I have fun, and I "sneak" in the learning part.

4 people like this

@vandana7 (100282)

• India

1 Jun 16

@TheHorse ... Tell me about it..when the kiddo's mother comes to beat him for something I get it between and I am almost double her age, and she gets to yell at me...don't aunty...he needs to learn...sure I am a retard, I don't know that. One reason...loving others children is always going to be an issue. We have rights to love only. Nothing more..

2 people like this

Wendy789

@Drosophila (16571)

• Ireland

1 Jun 16

I think children regardless of gender, could do with some "Father Time".

3 people like this

@vandana7 (100282)

• India

1 Jun 16

Right type of parent time..actually. :)

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

I agree. The dynamics with dads (or pretend dads) and daughters may be more complex, since the modeling isn't as direct (boys want to be just like daddy), but it's still important.

3 people like this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

@vandana7 It has to be interactive and fun. You're generating "scripts" in kids' minds for how people interact.:

2 people like this

Teep11

@Teep11 (7673)

• United States

31 May 16

Yes boys need a father or a mentor. I wonder who will be watched? Who needed a taller ladder? This post look similar to an undercover investigation post. Interesting.

2 people like this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

Undercover investigation? Not sure I understand. I notice that the helicopter is no longer on the roof. I bet either my young friend or mom got the maintenance folks to grab it for him.

Jo Ann

@akalinus (43196)

• United States

31 May 16

It is good that you are a friend to this young boy. He needs someone to teach him and share with him. Mom is probably overwhelmed and tired.

3 people like this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

Yes, I get a sense she is overwhelmed. She is working now which is a good thing. But she has a lot on her plate.

2 people like this

@RubyHawk (99405)

• Atlanta, Georgia

1 Jun 16

That's very true, kids need to be involved with dads and moms or substitutes if that's not possible.

1 person likes this

James Higgins

@JamesHxstatic (29413)

• Eugene, Oregon

1 Jun 16

I was raised mostly without a dad, except for my visits to see him in west Texas. It would be best I think for a boy to have a dad around.

3 people like this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

Did you find other "dads" to give you guidance along the way? My dad passed a way when I was 21, but there were other men who became my role models when I was a young adult. As a teacher, I often emulate the mannerisms of some of my best male teachers. Interestingly I've played softball for 100 years, but I never had a good baseball coach in my baseball days.

1 person likes this

ElizabethWallace

@ElizabethWallace (12074)

• United States

1 Jun 16

Yes, and girls too. They both need to bounce who they are off of their Dad to know that they are acceptable and worthwhile human beings.

1 person likes this

@RubyHawk (99405)

• Atlanta, Georgia

1 Jun 16

@JamesHxstaticI wasn't raised with my dad either, and I suppose my granddad and uncle were substitutes for my dad. Every kid needs a dad or a stand in.

ElizabethWallace

@ElizabethWallace (12074)

• United States

1 Jun 16

All children need the influence of a man and a woman in their lives. I taught for long enough that I could pick out the boys and the girls in class that did not had a "Dad" around. It showed in their lack of self esteem.

2 people like this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

I wonder if I could do the same. Most of the kids I've worked with have been fatherless.

1 person likes this

ElizabethWallace

@ElizabethWallace (12074)

• United States

2 Jun 16

@TheHorse There is a sadness behind their eyes that is missing in children that have a father figure in their lives.

marguicha

@marguicha (222999)

• Chile

1 Jun 16

I am sure that children need mommy and daddy time, no matter if the mom or dad is his parent. You did well and if the mother did not want you to baby sit, he should not have left her child with you.

1 person likes this

marguicha

@marguicha (222999)

• Chile

1 Jun 16

@TheHorse She must have no sense of humor

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

She thanked me for playing with him, but I think she took his "defiance" too seriously.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

@marguicha She can be pretty serious. I think kid objections are cute--like when they go "aww" when it's time to go.

1 person likes this

@vandana7 (100282)

• India

1 Jun 16

I think children need both parents.

1 person likes this

@vandana7 (100282)

• India

1 Jun 16

@TheHorse ... I am not very sure what pretend parent means. :) But in general, I think people try to fill the vacuum created in their lives, and would be delighted to find an equivalent. So if a mother loses a child, chances are she will develop affections towards a child who needs help. A parent is lost, and somebody of that age goes out of the way to help, it is natural to start looking up to him as replacement - irrespective of which age we are. Rebound perhaps is part of this vacuum filling phenomenon. So we need to give love...it is ingrained in us more than we want to receive it. Desire to receive it is perhaps artificial - developed out of programming of barter system or regular buying selling transactions. On the whole, human being needs others to shower love on. It is late in the night and my thinking may be weird enough for you..lol. Will read it tomorrow and see if it makes sense to me. Good night. :)

2 people like this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

@vandana7 By "pretend parent" I just mean someone who plays the parental role but isn't actually the child's parent.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

I think that's the ideal as well. I wonder if those who find a "pretend parent" fare better than those who do not.

2 people like this

Toni

@toniganzon (72281)

• Philippines

1 Jun 16

I think boys do really need men in their lives coz there are just so many things that their mom wouldn't be able to relate to no matter how hard she tries.

1 person likes this

@vandana7 (100282)

• India

1 Jun 16

@TheHorse ... How do you explain the need of my neighbor's son to play with me. He does not like my father, and neither does his sister. But the moment dad goes out and if they are around..knock knock... And once the little girl was pulled out of my arms by her mother who said I am getting late...it hurt. I mean the girl was holding me so tight and was looking at me to help her..

2 people like this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

I think it's true even when they boys are very young. Their style of play tends to be different from that of girls.

2 people like this

@RubyHawk (99405)

• Atlanta, Georgia

1 Jun 16

@vandana7 Maybe she doesn't get enough attention from her mother.

1 person likes this

Anna

@LadyDuck (471500)

• Switzerland

1 Jun 16

I think that both boys and girls needs also men in their lives. She has been very rude to lose her temper, she was the one who asked to look her son. I am sorry for the kid.

1 person likes this

Anna

@LadyDuck (471500)

• Switzerland

1 Jun 16

@TheHorse I am glad that the kid is happy. I am sure he appreciate to spend time with you.

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

He seems happy and smart overall. I hope he doesn't feel too "controlled."

2 people like this

Jekca

@Jessicalynnt (50523)

• Centralia, Missouri

1 Jun 16

well perhaps you can work with him on being more thankful for the time he has, and work something out with the mom for a play date as it were once a week, so he knows there will be another, and help nip the pouts in the bum

1 person likes this

Jekca

@Jessicalynnt (50523)

• Centralia, Missouri

1 Jun 16

@TheHorse yeah it's hard for kids to switch like that, especially if it wasnt expected. if you know the time a change is going to occur you can set up reminders and warnings, like a noise that plays, or a song that plays during time to pick up toys. He didnt scream or throw things, which would have been bad.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

@Jessicalynnt Nah, he doesn't throw tantrums. He's pretty well-behaved. Al he did was say, "Aww...," which is kid speak for "Do I have to go?" When I work with young kids (and even older kids), we do have a signal for "transition time," letting kids know that free play (or whatever) will be over in 3 mins.

2 people like this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

I like the fact that our "play dates" occur spontaneously. His brief pout was in the range of "normal," I thought.

2 people like this

Valerie J. Routhieaux

@just4him (317041)

• Green Bay, Wisconsin

1 Jun 16

I absolutely agree boys need men in their lives to act the dad role even if they aren't. I'm sorry his mother was a bit upset with him because he wanted to spend time with you. I hope she didn't stay angry.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

My hunch is she tongue-lashed him for a couple of minutes at home and then it was done.

1 person likes this

Valerie J. Routhieaux

@just4him (317041)

• Green Bay, Wisconsin

2 Jun 16

@TheHorse That's not bad then.

Claudia Kirkland

@CRK109 (14556)

• United States

2 Jun 16

I don't know if every young boy needs a man in his life, but they do need someone besides Mom to help him learn about all sorts of things. Different friends can certainly teach him different things that he can use in his life.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

2 Jun 16

They're going to become men one day. They're aware of that. I think they need an active schema for "what men do."

1 person likes this

Claudia Kirkland

@CRK109 (14556)

• United States

2 Jun 16

@TheHorse That's possible. I've never been a man so I guess I'm not sure how that works.

@RubyHawk (99405)

• Atlanta, Georgia

1 Jun 16

Boys need their dad or a father figure. It's wonderful that you take time to be there for this little boy. Mothers may try but they cannot be a father.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

Thanks. I actually do it because it's fun. I enjoy cycling or building railroads with him, but I'm also aware that I'm a good role model. I'm still trying to put my finger on the way men and women relate to kids differently. Is it just the "instrumental" v. "nurturing" thing?

1 person likes this

@RubyHawk (99405)

• Atlanta, Georgia

2 Jun 16

@TheHorse I'm not sure, I think usually moms are more understanding, and dads are tougher. Boys need both.

scheng1

@scheng1 (24649)

• Singapore

2 Jun 16

I think his mum is getting too possessive, that is why he wants some time away from his mum. If he goes to a childcare center, that may be better for him. He needs more time to associate with people who are not his family, and he can develop his interpersonal skill with other people.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

2 Jun 16

He does go to school, and after school soccer and martial arts, but you're right that his mom is very dependent on him for emotional support.

1 person likes this

Alfredo Rossi

@amadeo (111938)

• United States

1 Jun 16

yes,they do.I could be very helpful.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

Stop on by! Heh. We're only a five hour flight away.

Sherry

@norcal (4889)

• Franklinton, North Carolina

1 Jun 16

Maybe she was having a bad day. My mom raised four kids by herself, and she was often cranky and impatient.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

I don't think I could survive in this house with four littlies running around.

1 person likes this

Reine25

@Lucky15 (37374)

• Philippines

31 May 16

I think they need someone who he really can play with and not just his mom.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (218824)

• Walnut Creek, California

1 Jun 16

I think all kids can use some "male energy" and some "female energy."

1 person likes this

Scott Ganschow

@teamfreak16 (43418)

• Denver, Colorado

1 Jun 16

Yes, kids definitely need a good male role model. I had my grandpa.

1 person likes this