Is it acceptable to ask for cash, not gifts at a wedding / bridal shower?
By maezee
@maezee (41988)
United States
June 6, 2016 10:56am CST
Is it rude to ask for cash not gifts? For a bridal shower or wedding
What do you think on this? This has been a big discussion with my best friend who is getting married in a few short months here. Her and her boyfriend have been together for something close to 7-8 years and over the years they have accumulated basically all of the "Household" stuff they need - and they also live in a small apartment. They are hoping to save up and move into a house but for now they are saving up to get married first.
I am maid of honor for this wedding - and so when we came time to discuss where she was going to register at for gifts, my friend was telling me she really just wanted cash, rather than gifts.
I looked all over online to see how to phrase this on an invite. And looked it up to see if it was actually an acceptable thing to do. Asking for cash at a bridal shower is apparently a big NO-NO. I totally understand her concern though. It would be nice to receive cash and gift cards rather than gifts if you HAVE all the gifts you need - if you have all the household appliances, etc.
What do you think on this? Is it acceptable to ask for CASH rather than gifts at your bridal shower or your wedding? If you do think it's acceptable, how on earth do you phrase that?
By the way - above are the invitations that I just ordered from VistaPrint for the bridal shower. Kind of cute, right?!
8 people like this
13 responses
@Juliaacv (51485)
• Canada
6 Jun 16
The invitations are nice.
I would think it in terrible taste to request a cash gift.
We usually give a cash gift in a card, quite often with a nice ornament to put up and recall back upon the special day. But, if I were asked for such a gift I would be insulted and likely to give less.
People who are invited to a wedding usually are aware of the living arrangements of the couple, and they bear that in mind when they prepare to give a gift to the happy couple. And.....as the couple goes, there are pre-nuptial agreements, but what about cash if it comes in as wedding gifts? Do they have to draw up papers stating the total amount the bride's guests brought in and the same for the groom? It really does open an ugly mess in my mind.
Good luck with it, I know that my thinking is very conservative, but that is my how I think and I am trying to be as honest as I can be. We've had family get married and they don't need any gifts, but would love cash, and its awkward to be told what to give a couple.
1 person likes this
@Morleyhunt (21744)
• Canada
6 Jun 16
You've summed it up quite well. At one time showers and wedding gifts were to help a couple set up house. If you've been living together for X # of years...go to city hall....get married.....have a party. You neither need to spend big bucks on the wedding, nor expect money to cover your costs.
1 person likes this
@LdeL0318 (6400)
• Philippines
7 Jun 16
It's more practical. Those who will bring gifts will still use money to buy it so I guess it's just the same.
@Morleyhunt (21744)
• Canada
6 Jun 16
A gift is just that a gift. Asking and expecting is rude (my opinion). As a wedding gift I often give a quilt. (Cash, I don't have!) the value of a quilt....cost to me.....calculated on costs of fabric and materials only....$100-200. Value of the quilt.......up to $5,000.
My nephew go married several years ago. They had two children and had been living together for at least six years. It was all about the gifts. The marriage didn't last a year. I'm very cynical about weddings and gift grabs.
@Morleyhunt (21744)
• Canada
13 Jun 16
@maezee personal opinion of some one who owned a bridal shop, so I benefitted from the craze of spending big bucks for a wedding. If you want to get married.....it does not need to cost a fortune. Don't spend more than you can comfortably afford. It's the marriage that should be the focus....not the wedding.
@CRK109 (14556)
• United States
6 Jun 16
I've seen couples who have been living together for a while and have all the "stuff" they need in their married life. In that case, asking for money isn't a problem. It's what they truly need for their life together. If you just let people know that, they will understand and respond.
@CRK109 (14556)
• United States
14 Jun 16
@maezee I think it could be acceptable for a shower, too. If the bride needs money more than anything else, it could be stated and at the shower, rather than opening gifts and doing the "normal" stuff we usually do at those showers, it could be just a very nice dinner with a place set up for all the envelopes.
@marsha32 (6631)
• United States
11 Jun 16
Seems kind of tacky to me. My husband and I were together for years before getting married too. We actually put on our invitation to not bring gifts. We did get a few--candles and a plaque and a few people did give us some cash or gift cards.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
9 Jun 16
very cute. just say what you did. cash instead acceptable of gifts
@BelleStarr (61102)
• United States
7 Jun 16
It is a NO NO to ask for cash and tacky in the extreme. I would think it would insult some of the older guests. I always give cash at a wedding but a gift at the shower.
@Wowtalk (592)
• Jamaica
8 Jun 16
This might put persons in awkward positions, some persons will not be able to give cash because they probable have an uncle that have a store that they could take items from and give it away, but now they would be in this position to take it out of pocket.
Some persons might be okay with it, while others may not.
So my advice would be allowing person to give what they have.
You could however states that cash gift are also accepted. There you'll give everyone a chance to give what they want.
If they get something that they don't want eventually they could keep a garage sale or put on eBay in return for cash.
@ryanalion47 (72)
• Pinellas Park, Florida
7 Jun 16
Honestly, I think it would be an awesome idea to set up a crowd source fund. You set up the fund stating that this is a goal to help them save for a house. All their friends can see how close they are to the goal and may just help out a little more. ;).
Just because something is not right doesn't mean you can't start a new trend.
