my mother and i can not get along
@jackiehammack (1)
June 17, 2016 1:01pm CST
hello my mother is having problems with me and sometimes we can not get along we sometimes fight she says i am fussing everytime i tell her how i feel she does not care and then she says i am harping on her and i am not people can not get along with me and i can not get along with them i have some problems dealing with people i feel like i am going to hell for the things i did or do and i do except jesus in my life i never let him down how can i deal with people sometimes they tell me other people can help what they are doing but i can help what i am doing and that bugs me and i can handle this i am 35 years old and i can not move out of my home because i am afraid that my mom will kill herself again like she did before because my stepdad cheated on her and then she has health problems how can i make her understand how i feel without being mean
4 responses
@mypointsju (583)
• Westland, Michigan
17 Jun 16
This is a challenge. You must first break this problem down smaller and at some point in the future, you will get to the point that you will move out of the house.
Let's just take that you and your mother can't get a long. The problem with some people, even if you do 100% right, they are not happy. My father-inlaw was this type of person. That does not mean we argued, but I knew that if I brought something up that was better for him and all he wanted to do was argue. I learned I can get a long with him as long as I don't bring up any suggestions and I had to be careful if he wanted me to do something that was just stupid.
This is just my opinion, but I would say you need to start talking on subjects that you know you get along with and when there is something that angers either one of you, diffuse the situation. Don't raise your voice, don't fire back. Both of those will not help your problem. Try using a softening statement like: "I know you are frustrated with this problem and lets come up with a solution or a possible mutual agreement". The key area is not to ramp up with anger. It will not help you or your relationship. People tend to follow the tone from the other person when talking. If you get louder and angry, well the other person will more likely to ramp it up. It is a good time to stay calm and work through the issue. Most of the time if the other person is angry and you respond in a calm manner, the other person will calm down.
Once you start doing this with subjects, hopefully you get to a point that you can talk to her and say "I need to get on with my life and I know we have been communicating much better, what will it take for me to move out of the house and you to be safe, etc.". You can really turn it on her at this time and say something like "What will it take for me to move out of the house and HOW can you help me emotionally, etc". When you put it back on her, I would assume she would want to help.
First both of you should talk about subjects that you know there will not be an argument. Than talk about subjects that there may be a argument, but you will diffuse the argument. Once things are gong well, than you bring up the subject of moving out.
OK, I am no doctor, but that is my 2 cents and I hope you can use something in my response to help you.
