Why I won't be calling my father
By AmberLynn
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104628)
United States
June 19, 2016 4:37am CST
Part of me hopes that it won't upset him that I haven't called... but I didn't call the year before either. I might have sent off a text, but well that was about it.
Everyone is wishing their father's a Happy Father's Day, even those whose father's have passed away. My father hasn't actually ever really been a father figure to me. I remember one year when we went to a water park, but that wasn't as exciting as I had hoped it to be either way.
Regardless, that's probably the most fatherly thing I can remember him doing for me. Otherwise it was discipline and family parties where I felt like the "poor outcast" and as if I should pitied.
So no, I won't be calling my father today. I do have a heart though, and hope it doesn't bother him too much that I haven't called... I doubt I will ever have a father / daughter relationship with him...
10 people like this
12 responses
@garymarsh6 (23404)
• United Kingdom
19 Jun 16
I am so sorry for you. I was very fortunate in both my parents were super and I hope that my daughter feels good about me. They have all just left to go out to the park.
3 people like this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104628)
• United States
20 Jun 16
Honestly... While my childhood wasn't the best, I did and do have my mother's father to make up for where my own father lacked. My grandfather was the one whose discipline was strict but not harsh and whose life values were instilled in me anyway.
Sometimes people just aren't really meant to be parents but I think those who aren't meant to be parents know it.
I'm sure your daughter adores you.
@Telynor (1763)
• United States
19 Jun 16
These 'family' holidays are rough on those of us who don't have parents or have a less-than-happy relationships with them. My father, well, he never bothered to show up. I did talk to him -- once -- on the phone. Here's wishing you a good day and chin up.
2 people like this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104628)
• United States
19 Jun 16
My father was there in presence, but not really a good father. I remember him more from being the bully and then well other stuff I'd rather not get into but he didn't make a very good father figure for sure. I'm sorry yours wasn't even there for you...
A lot of people don't get it.. I mean I've got a lot of people, even on here, saying "I'm sorry". It's not that I want apologies or pity, it's just... it is what it is.
1 person likes this
@Telynor (1763)
• United States
21 Jun 16
@ScribbledAdNauseum To be honest, all I ever wanted from my parents was acknowledgement. Admit to their faults, that they had made mistakes, but neither of them had the guts to do even that. The damage that they did was incalcuable, and it's taken years to get to point where I can even talk about it without wanting to smash things.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
20 Jun 16
@ScribbledAdNauseum He sounds intimidating. My dad scared me when he became nasty.
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104628)
• United States
20 Jun 16
It frustrates me when I see people who try to force their children to have a relationship with their father. Sometimes the men who are our father's just should never have been father's.
Don't get me wrong, I am very very glad I am here... But I'm also glad that I've always had my mom's dad to really rear me and give me the disclipine and life values I really need.
I'm sorry your dad wasn't a nice person, trust me I can relate. My dad wasn't only not a nice person but his appearance was very intimidating growing up. 6 foot with muscles, always wearing wife beaters and shorts, long hair and a mean look to him.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (72281)
• Philippines
19 Jun 16
I'm not celebrating Father's Day as well but it's because my father passed away. And besides I don't want to succumbed to the the companies taking advantage of this day to urge people to buy something for their dad.
2 people like this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104628)
• United States
19 Jun 16
This is true, father's day is just another highly commercialized day!
I am sorry your father has passed. My mother passed a few years ago, it's just not the same (Mother's Day) without her.
3 people like this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
19 Jun 16
I understand the feeling. My father treated us and told us he had children to be slaves for himself. Trust me he wasn't lying. He wasn't a good father at all to us.
I have forgiven him for the past but sometimes if I think about it long enough it still hurts.
2 people like this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104628)
• United States
19 Jun 16
Wow, he seriously said that?
I understand what you mean. For me, anything my dad did in the past is done. I forgave but didn't forget...
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
20 Jun 16
@ScribbledAdNauseum Yes he said that and not just once either. We heard it several times growing up sadly. =(
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104628)
• United States
19 Jun 16
True on both your statements. Unfortunately, father / daughter / mother / son relationships arent' what they used to be...
1 person likes this
@Marcyaz (35316)
• United States
28 Jun 16
@ScribbledAdNauseum
I am glad you have him and could wish him a happy Father's Day.
1 person likes this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104628)
• United States
19 Jun 16
My grandfather (my mom's dad) was the one who doted on me as a child, raised me practically. I did wish him a happy father's day this morning. Of course he's not the present type nor does he want acknowledgement. We all just tend to say "Happy Father's Day" and cook for him...
@dodo19 (47317)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
20 Jun 16
@ScribbledAdNauseum It's true. Sometimes it just happens.
1 person likes this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104628)
• United States
20 Jun 16
Sometimes we just grow apart, it's natural. I have other family I hardly talk to anymore, but we used to be close.
1 person likes this
@KristenH (33386)
• Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio
19 Jun 16
I feel your pain. I had a bad relationship with my father, too. I've been estranged from him for over 20 years, until my brother reconnected with him, 4 years ago, to make amends. I did too. It's understandable to feel that way. 
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104628)
• United States
20 Jun 16
I am glad you were able to make amends.
I am not sure that I will ever do so.
1) I think the ball is in his court, he needs to reach out to me.
2) There are so many unanswered questions + situations from childhood that make me want to keep my distnace.
1 person likes this
@KristenH (33386)
• Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio
20 Jun 16
@ScribbledAdNauseum I don't blame you. It took me awhile for move past that troubled water under the bridge. I think you're right.
@msiduri (5687)
• United States
19 Jun 16
It is your choice whether you wish to have your father in your life or not. If not, then I think it far more healthy (and rewarding) to build happy relationships with your family of choice, whether that's with a husband and children, a circle of friends or fill-in-the-blank. There will always be a sense of loss, a sense of regret, but frankly, there are things you can and cannot control. Whether your father treated you with affection is not something you can control and does not reflect your worth as a person despite how much it hurts.
I wish you all the best.
1 person likes this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104628)
• United States
20 Jun 16
Hmm words of wisdom.
I wish I had more to add to this. I've been married once, and I doubt I'll ever be again.
2 people like this
@msiduri (5687)
• United States
20 Jun 16
@ScribbledAdNauseum Ah. I wish I knew what more to say. Only that, again, I wish you all the best.
1 person likes this
@esotericme (134)
•
20 Jun 16
Way to go for having the guts to hold up an unpopular opinion! I have to agree that it's difficult to face the pressure of showing our love to our fathers when there really isn't much love there.
1 person likes this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104628)
• United States
20 Jun 16
If I ever do have children, and if their father ends up not being a very good one to them, I won't force them to feel anyway towards them that they don't feel. I'll encourage them to be nice, but I won't make them say things like "I love you" when they don't really mean it.
No one has ever forced me to say it to my dad luckily... though well once my mom did ask me to tell him I love him and I did for her sake.
1 person likes this
@premkuamar35 (40)
•
19 Jun 16
i think its never late to start a new beginning.
ask to someone who dont have a father. they might be longing for one
but your father really exist. just thank him bringing you in this world. and god knows everthing might be ok in ur father daughter relation
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104628)
• United States
19 Jun 16
I wish it were as cut and dry as you make it seem. There are reasons for the strain afterall.
