I Can't Move On In This Most Painful Episode In My Life

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My father has passed away this month. It is painful because he died without his family on his side. He passed away at the faraway place. When I knew it, I seemed to die. Until now, it is harder for me to move on. I don't know what to do. I have the God inside me, but every time I can remember his favorite foods, I am in a pain. Every time I can hear the ringtone of my mother's phone, I am in an agony. It is the most painful thing I have ever felt in my whole life. When my father arrived through the airport, I asked more strength to the Lord that I can handle my feelings and my mother. I was glad I was calm, but I was in a deep sorrow to meet his coffin. It should be my father who is alive that we met at the arrival area, not a coffin. I seemed to die. After we brought him to the grave, I thought I can sleep, but the sorrow is even worst. The colors in my life are fading. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to accept the reality that he is gone. I would like to cry but I hate to see my mother seeing me crying because I don't want her to be weak. At this moment, I am seeking for a friend who can help me to cope this sorrow. I can always remember my father. I don't know how to move on. I can't sleep. He is always in my mind and heart. For me, he is the best father in the world. 2016 is the worst year for me.