Ginger Phobia

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Today I am afraid to go outside. I've locked the doors. I've closed all the blinds. We're in hiding until this day ends because today is, of all things, National Kick a Ginger Day. As a redhead, I am highly offended when I'm labeled a Ginger... Though I didn't know that I should be offended until 5 years ago, when I met a fellow redhead who was actually named Ginger. I got the low-down (thanks a lot, South Park!) from this random stranger and since then, my life has never been the same! I thought I'd take this opportunity, while I'm hiding behind my computer screen, to fix some misconceptions some of y'all might have about redheads: (1) You look like a carrot top! Um, no. First of all, I look human. Secondly, we all know carrot tops aren't red or orange...they're green. (2) Redheads have bad tempers. False! Our tempers are grand and glorious! Our tempers often create fireworks. And fireworks are pretty! (3) Redheaded step-children are beaten. Another false statement. I, as a step-child, was not beaten any more than my siblings. (4) Redheads can't go out into the sun. False, false, false! Don't y'all know anything? When we go out in the sun we sparkle like vampires! Actually, it's more like a glow. A reddish glow. That lasts for days... (5) Redheads have no souls. This is absolutely false and we have proof! Every single freckle on our faces represent a stolen soul! All joking aside, I don't get how there can be a day promoting violence towards redheads...even if it is in jest. We don't have a National Slap a Blonde Day, or Punch a Brunette, or Rub a Bald Guy's Head. So why pick on redheads? Redheads make up about 1% of the population. Since we're so rare we should be cherished, not feared. If you fear us, it should be of the reverent sort. But you better have a tight hold of your soul before you try kicking me. 'Cause you might just lose it to my collection! In conclusion, please remember: Only a Ginger can call another Ginger, "Ginger"!