My child has another mom?
@CS09nxkb16 (24)
June 23, 2016 1:32am CST
I have to get more people's opinion on this because I still have not come to terms with it bit maybe talking about it and hearing others' opinions on it will help me understand it better. Please know now that you can be as honest as you would like in your responses. I will not take offense to anything. I truly want honesty.
My son has recently taken to calling his step mom ''mom''. Ands he does it right in front of me as well. My son is 6 years old by the way. I have tried to explain to my son as lightly as I could many times that I do not like him calling her mom and that every single person is only ever born with one mother. There is only ever one person that could ever carry them in their womb and I just feel like I am the only one that has earned the right to be called mom. I've told him before that I think it is great that he lives her too and that she loves himand cares for him bit that I don't like him calling her mom. I've even tried to compromise with him and asked him if he can't just call her by her name like he's done the entire time he's known her until recently if he could just come up with another name for her that isn't mom that could just be special to him but he down right refuses. I really don't like it and his step mom doesn't ever correct him either. I don't know if anyone else has gone through a situation like this or if anyone has advice for me. I really don't know how to handle this any differently than I already have.
5 people like this
9 responses
@paigea (36315)
• Canada
23 Jun 16
I am sure that is very tough. I don't have a suggestion but here is a different case just for thought.
I raised my late niece and she came to call me mom. She did spend time with her biological father too. She came to call his wife "mom". She told my sweet little girl she was not her mom and not to call her that. My late niece was heart broken and hurt. I would have rather shared the name of "Mom"
And of course, my late niece had the mother who gave birth to her too. Though she never knew her.
1 person likes this
@CS09nxkb16 (24)
•
23 Jun 16
Yes I agree I do not want my son upset about me not allowing it so I've never told him he can't or that he's not allowed I have just told him how I feel about it and I guess I'm just hopeing he will realize it hurts my feelings and stop on his own
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@paigea (36315)
• Canada
23 Jun 16
@CS09nxkb16 Well, it was the step mom who refused to be called mom. I would have allowed it as it made her feel part of her father's family.
@magallon (19279)
• Philippines
23 Jun 16
The best advice that I can give you, though I am not really telling you to do is that you talk to your husband and his woman. Let them know your feelings towards your son's calling his stepmom as mom. I can relate to you, how you feel, because I am also a mom. And I don't like my children to call other woman "mom" the way they call me. A child can only have one and only one mom. No child came or was born from two different woman.
Maybe he was being "brainwashed" by these two people.Maybe they really taught the child to call her mom. It's a little bit scary to think that maybe someday, your son will not recognize you as his real mother.
So talk with them. Not to your son because he is only 6 years old. He might just get confused.
Don't stay away from your son for a long time. Be with him most of the time. That's one way of letting him know that you are there, you love him and that you are his real mother.
1 person likes this
@magallon (19279)
• Philippines
23 Jun 16
@CS09nxkb16 Pray and be strong. I hope one of these days, everything will be okay.
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@CS09nxkb16 (24)
•
23 Jun 16
Thank you for your insight! I have tried to just ignore the situation too but I do try to do as much as I can with my son as I can! I hope the situation changes for the better
1 person likes this
@sunshine724 (76)
• United States
23 Jun 16
In theory I understand your displeasure with this situation. However he is 6 years old, all he sees is the adults around him who take care of him. Divorce and step parents I imagine is hard on kids, they don't understand why mommy and daddy are not together, they don't understand why daddy or mommy has someone new in the house. For me the major concern would be how does she treat him, it sounds like she treats him very well. He will never forget that you are his "real" mommy, but he's lucky to say he has two mommies who loved him and wanted the best for him and that doesn't negate your role. When you speak with your son about her, you can call her Ms. Jane (whatever her name is). If you have spoken with your ex-husband and his new wife about this, then I think you need to find a way to move past it. You can't control what they do in their household, your concern is your son's well being.
just my 2 cents
1 person likes this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104628)
• United States
23 Jun 16
You have confirmed what I had suspected. No one is correcting his use of the word "mom" but you. Does the new step mom and your son's father know how you feel about this? Is it possible that they have encouraged him to call her mom?
This can be confusing to a child.
I think the best way to go about this, though it won't be the easiest, is to talk to the father and the new step mother. Let them know how you feel about it, but be as polite as possible. Perhaps ask if the step mom couldn't make a game out of thinking of a new name for her to be known by. Something that will be interactive for you son, and a way for him to feel as if he has the final say in what to call his new step mom.
I am sorry that you are having to go through this, and I know it must hurt everytime you hear him refer to her as "mom".
However, at the end of the day the most important this is a working relationship with all parental figures involved. You don't want to let any kind of resentment or anger get in the way of your child's upbringing. Step parents can be very... defensive. I'm not saying this step mom will be, but it's best to walk on eggshells and appeal to the woman's soft side for your child.
I hope that this helps!
1 person likes this
@CS09nxkb16 (24)
•
23 Jun 16
Thank you so much for your response and being so detailed. It really is a tricky situation. I have already talked to his father and step mom and they have assured me that they do correct my son but recently I found that til be a lie unfortunately. I try not to even bring the subject up with my son most of the time. Usually he's the one that will bring it up. Every time he does I try to remind him off my feelings on it without being mean about it
1 person likes this
@shivamani10 (11035)
• Hyderabad, India
23 Jun 16
first talk to your husband and his woman in the first instance and then form an opinion in the matter.
1 person likes this
@sunilparthan (6302)
• India
23 Jun 16
See i don't think there is anything wrong in calling the step mom as mom. She should take care of him as her Son that's all needed.
@CS09nxkb16 (24)
•
23 Jun 16
No he is with me most of the time but when he is at his father's he is with her instead of his dad
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