Cause and Effect (Journal #5)

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It's been a while since I did one of these, and it's mainly because I knew it would end up a little like what I am about to post... So far, some have liked my other Journal posts and I'm hoping that you like this one too. I recently talked about how I am writing a book, and the topic of the book is the inspiration for this. I started thinking about a suicidal indecent that happened last year and all of this just kind of poured out. My previous Journal posts have been about depression, beauty, and anxiety along with other concerning events that happen every day, but this one really hits home. Here it is, Cause and Effect. We just stood there in shock as we looked down, so many questions running through our heads, wondering if we had just done something, anything, that maybe things could have turned out different. At the age of four his mother told him that he was a mistake, said that if she had her way then he wouldn't be here today. She resented him, despised him, and blamed him for everything. She couldn't even look him in the eyes without being filled by rage, she said that he was reason his dad walked away. From the moment she knew she was pregnant everything changed, she went from being madly in love, drunk, and high every night to juggling two jobs and struggling to pay rent. She's a single mom with no future and of course he's to blame, and she reminded him of that every single day. At the age of eleven he had seen it all, drug addiction, violence, sexual abuse, and he tried to block it out as best as he could but, no matter how hard he tried, it was no good. The problems kept growing and just when he thought he'd seen enough, he entered high school under the false impression that this was going to be a fresh start, a chance to finally be himself, who knew kids could be so cruel. They beat him, shamed him, spat in his food, marked him, chased him, but somehow he'd make it through. He wasn't even living at this point, he was struggling to survive. With no one else to turn to, what else could he do? The teachers called him a, "problem child", said he was disruptive, an inconvenience, and if he didn't change then he would be expelled. They didn't even try to understand him. He tried to push it all out, but how? He couldn't fight it anymore, he had put up with it for too long, and he was getting angry now. The problems at school, the streets, and home...where was he supposed to go? He let his emotions take over. He was angry, violent, and abusive. He had completely lost control. He was done caring about anything, he didn't give a damn anymore. At age sixteen he was walking in his fathers footsteps, lost and consumed by self-hate. He took drugs to block out the thoughts in his head, anything to numb the pain, desperately wanting to get away and escape to a better place, a place where he could call home, a place where he felt safe. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, not for people in his place. He was not a bad kid, he was just scared. He was left to fight off this world on his own, he just wanted someone to care. He gave into it, he had become someone he hates. He didn't want to fight it anymore, he had accepted it. This was his fate, and just like that he ended it. No words, no notes, he didn't even make it to his eighteenth birthday. Given the chance, he could have been great, but non e of that matters now because it's too late. We live in a world where people turn to suicide as an escape, because living has become their biggest source of pain. Why do we only learn when it's too late? The book on the local news, this is just another case. They came up with excuses like he wasn't mentally sane, and how kids are so easily influenced these days. He just wanted a better place.