Forgive and Move on and Face the Reality
By Shiva
@Shiva49 (26697)
Singapore
July 13, 2016 11:07am CST
The act of forgiving does not come easy but we are exhorted to do so and move on.
I have been wronged by few to the extent of leaving deep scars that fester by way of not being able to forget the acts. I can forgive and have done so but forgetting is another matter. In fact, I want to remember them to stay tuned to the reality of the world. For one thing, I do not want to carry on as if nothing has happened. Some even turn the tables that they did it as a favor to us and in our interests.
I forgive them as I know I will only be punishing myself in not doing so. Why carry the hurt more than they do; so it is in my interest to move on by shedding baggage.
Forgiving the wrong doers also comes with a caveat that final justice will be done. But do they care? We can have noble intentions and honorable closure, but they seem to walk away scot-free.
Of course, belief gives us the refuge and for me I want to move on rather than be held back by few evil.
I feel it is in a way like non-violence advocated by Gandhi which may not have many takers now.
I know most forgive, but how do you feel about this issue?
Image from Wikimedia
9 people like this
10 responses
@ramapo17 (30441)
• Melbourne, Florida
20 Aug 16
@Shiva49 Exactly. I have a sister that has been a thorn in my side all my life. Every time I would go back to her and try and have a normal relationship but every time she does something worse and we go through it all again. This last time was almost 3 years ago and we haven't spoken since and I never miss her. I am still friendly with her children and grandchildren but have no desire to see or hear from her again.
2 people like this
@praveenkumar06 (4077)
• Hyderabad, India
14 Jul 16
We are forget the ethics and basic of life , just live in a life where only money is needed most not people around us , When we try to understand people around us and care for all then why this hate and forgive is need around us, first we need to understand people around us and the life cycle then u know reason why they are doing like this . forgive is easy to do and accept them ,
4 people like this
@Shiva49 (26697)
• Singapore
15 Jul 16
We should still earn an honest living and that majority does.
We should not just close our eyes on those who cheat and purposely hurt others in the name of forgiving.
Individually we have to forgive for our sanity and to look ahead.
Forgetting is another matter as I would like to remember those who are evil in their ways; better avoid their paths - siva
2 people like this
@Shiva49 (26697)
• Singapore
21 Aug 16
@ramapo17 Sometimes we do get dragged into issues that are alien to us.
I have sort of adjudicated on disputes at workplace where one has nothing but hatred for the other.
Instead of taking a positive approach they withdraw into a shell and even come out with arms flailing like a tiger cornered. The issue that trigger such reaction is their inadequacy to face the reality.
At family level some are adept at blaming others for their own faults.
It is not pleasant to meet them anyway! siva
1 person likes this
@Manishankarroy (180)
•
14 Jul 16
I do get angry easily, I know that is bad but good part is I forget the bad memories and forgive others, for whatever happened.
I believe that is the life you can not carry the load of each and every act, you need to shake off the extra loads else life will be too heavy.
4 people like this
@Shiva49 (26697)
• Singapore
14 Jul 16
Good take.
Be aware of the evil, danger signals, and keep out of harm's way.
Also count up to three when angry, and when very angry count up to ten!
I carry no baggage as when the call comes i want to leave looking ahead the same way I came, but without a physical body even! siva
4 people like this
@Shiva49 (26697)
• Singapore
15 Jul 16
@Manishankarroy I do not get angry at all for years now.
Anger shows our weakness.
I tell others who provoke - let us just agree to disagree and move on.
This I tell at workplace and at home too.
It takes two to quarrel ! siva
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@Manishankarroy (180)
•
14 Jul 16
@Shiva49 Thanks, a lot for your suggestion, I will try to follow this but the most difficult thing is you don't remember all these techniques when you are actually angry.
4 people like this
@allknowing (136777)
• India
17 Jul 16
According to me only God can forgive. We can move on but try to sort out differences first.
3 people like this
@allknowing (136777)
• India
17 Jul 16
@Shiva49 When there is no light seen at the end of the tunnel it is best that we take it as a bad experience and move on. I do not see why it should fester.
3 people like this
@Shiva49 (26697)
• Singapore
17 Jul 16
@allknowing I do not allow it to fester but tough to erase the memory in total - siva
2 people like this
@epiffanie (11326)
• Australia
19 Aug 16
To me, forgiving is letting go and never letting them back into my life.. I don't want to forget either because if I do, i might forget the valuable lessons learned from the painful experience.. It takes a while to ease the pain .. but eventually , the pain eases and amazingly even erased ..
3 people like this
@ramapo17 (30441)
• Melbourne, Florida
20 Aug 16
I agree with you @epiffanie. I hardly ever think of my sister and the only time I do is when someone I haven't seen in awhile asks me how she is.
3 people like this
@Shiva49 (26697)
• Singapore
19 Aug 16
That is the practical way for healing ourselves from the hurts.
Forgive and move on but remember the lessons.
I recall some painful, back-stabbing, incidents but allow the perpetrators to face the music without my active intervention.
I think that way both move on in different directions - siva
2 people like this
@Shiva49 (26697)
• Singapore
19 Aug 16
Some are thick-skinned and even pretend they are blissfully unaware of their evil actions.
But most are like me - sensitive to how others feel and perceive.
Personally I have seen few make short term gains but pay their dues eventually when time catches up with them - they are hoisted by their own petard even; poetic justice! siva
3 people like this
@innertalks (21957)
• Australia
14 Jul 16
Here is my take on forgiveness:
Forgiveness is a responsible action for anyone that truly loves all other people to do.
If you do not forgive others, you cannot fully love them, even as Jesus's great commandment said to us to love God with all of our mind, our heart, our strength, and our soul, and to love our neighbour as we love our self.
This means to even forgive God, and then you will forgive yourself, and your neighbour too.
At the heart of unforgiveness is usually an unforgiveness of God, or of ourselves, even before the unforgiveness of the other person involved. This is because, at the heart of it all, we usually blame God for allowing this to happen, or ourselves for being too stupid to properly know how to handle it, when it does happen. I think we do this at a deeper level, even before we are outwardly being unforgiving to the person involved themselves. This is why it is hard for us to forgive the outer person involved in the situation, because we are projecting the unforgiven inner persons of ourselves, and God onto them too.
Forgiveness gets you moving from being stuck outside of love. It gets you back to loving these others who you are currently holding yourself out against, for them doing something or other that you have perceived as being non-loving to you. Drop this judgement, forgive, and love them all unconditionally, once more again.
@Shiva49 (26697)
• Singapore
14 Jul 16
I think forgiving is the practical way than get trapped in the past. It is a release and also needed for healing the hurt.
However, should we forget too?
When we make mistakes, we learn from them and take care not to repeat by remembering them. Likewise, if we forgive and then forget too, then we may forget the lessons.
So I rather remember the deeds and also the culprits to stay clear of them - siva
3 people like this
@innertalks (21957)
• Australia
14 Jul 16
@Shiva49 We perhaps should never forget any of our experiences, be they good or bad. They have helped us to get to where we are right now, and they have all played their part in shaping who we are too.
The experience will usually fester in our memory still though, if we do not apply forgiveness to it.
Once it is a benign memory only, without any negative charges still attached to it, it can be viewed for what it was, another actually positive episode in our life that has given us another chance to grow into the better person that we are always moving towards being.
We are always improving, and our best self is always besting itself I think, that is if we take the way of love, forgive, and take on board the learnt lessons included in that experience that we have just gone through.
@Shiva49 (26697)
• Singapore
14 Jul 16
@innertalks Yes, better to remember the good, the bad and the in-between! They make us who we are.
I remember the good in bad times and also the bad in good times as they are part and parcel of our lives. We have to live with them.
I manage to forgive to the extent the negatives do not leave their mark and influence my lifestyle and decisions.
I know everyone has had their share of hurts, still smarting under the blows after applying the ointment of forgiveness, meaning, they cannot forget what they went through - siva
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