Ever give yourself a Time Out?
@CRK109 (14556)
United States
July 16, 2016 11:11pm CST
In the last couple of months, I've learned something important about myself. And that is that when stress hits a certain high level, higher than it's almost ever been before in my life, I can act in ways that are unnatural for me. I can get so scared that I begin to get, as we used to call it back in the 60s, "unglued".
For three months in my new apartment, I never had any friend come to visit, to see if I'm okay. I can't speak for them to say why they haven't visited. All I know is that I began to feel very unloved and unwanted. Not great feelings, let me tell you. So, I put myself in a time out.
I pulled back from the internet. I tried to get more sleep. I got out of the apartment, even just to do mundane things. I did laundry. I went to the bank. I went to Walgreens. I did grocery shopping. I went through a few of the bags of "stuff" from my house, although I didn't do too much of that because it reminded me of the people I'm missing in my life, and I didn't want to dwell on sad things.
Time out turned out to be a great thing. I began to yearn to do things just for myself. I made a list of places I want to go - just me. I've been reading more. I've been playing with my cat more. I've been cleaning more. And I've been worried about being alone less. I made sure that every day when I got up, I had something planned to do. And I invited my nephew here so there would be one day that I would not be alone.
Pulling back can be a great tool to get yourself out of a rut. It's working for me and I plan to continue what I've begun. It's hard work because I'm trying to sculpt a new life for myself out of ashes of my previous life. But it's beginning to form something.
Have you ever done something like this? If there are things that have worked for you, please share them with me. I'd appreciate that.
-Claudia-
image from pixabay
14 people like this
16 responses
@JudyEv (340229)
• Rockingham, Australia
17 Jul 16
You are so brave and I'm sure in time you'll make new friends. There is a lot to be said for being able to rely entirely on yourself and not make others responsible for your happiness. But it can still get very lonely at times. I think you have made a great start here with the strategies you are planning.
3 people like this
@CRK109 (14556)
• United States
17 Jul 16
I've been having this pity party for way too long. Bad things happen to everyone at some point or another and I'm not the only lonely person on the planet. I hope it won't last forever, but in the meanwhile I need to find things to keep me interested and occupied so I will stop worrying about being so alone. One thing I did do was to stop following certain friends on Facebook. They are very busy out having fun all the time and it always bothered me that they would go out with other people and not me. Now that I'm not longer following them, I have no idea what they're doing and it no longer matters to me. I have to take care of me because no one else is going to do that. I love so many of you here online who have become real friends to me and I know that whenever I get really lonely, I can come here and chat with a few of you. And that really does help!
4 people like this
@CRK109 (14556)
• United States
18 Jul 16
@JudyEv That's how I feel about it now. I don't need people around me who genuinely don't want to be around me, and if I don't find any other true friends in my life, it's okay. I have my friends online and I have some great memories. I'll be just fine.
1 person likes this
@sunilparthan (6302)
• India
17 Jul 16
yes when ever i feel some energy lose i will go out that too mostly alone.
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (160708)
• United States
17 Jul 16
I was told in a professional seminar that people in the kind of job I was in needed to practice "extreme self care" and that sound like what you are doing. For me, where I am, I have had to lean into the alone ness and find that it is okay. I have another stress weighing on my mind, not sure how to deal with it, but freaking out about it will not help. Praying, meditating, practicing relaxing and not thinking 'what if" helps as well.
2 people like this
@MarshaMusselman (38865)
• Midland, Michigan
18 Jul 16
Did those old friends of yours hang around with you years ago? I have some good friends, but we've never gone to one another's homes or at least not on a regular basis. One friend of mine I've had for about forty years and she's come over when she was in town visiting her family, but we've never hung out on a regular basis. A few years back we made a point of going out to eat periodically when she was in town since other friends have since left this earth and it's easier and better to make time now, but we've not done that for at least three years.
In the last eight years, I've not wanted too many to come to my house as I've been embarrassed about how bad the carpet has looked. Now with the wood floor I won't need to worry about that room, but until we can redo each room I'll probably not have an open door policy.
It would be great to hang out in the woods in your picture and a good walk would probably do me good, but I have neither the time nor inclination these days to leave the house to do just that. I should, I could use the exercise, but I know that I won't.
1 person likes this
@MarshaMusselman (38865)
• Midland, Michigan
24 Jul 16
@CRK109 I used to be super shy. When you begin walking through those doors it will become easier and maybe before you're much older it will even be a piece of cake.
At least the friend that thought it was too far to come visit you helped you move. Since she had a problem with the distance before, it sounds like it would be hard for her to change that now. Maybe she's super shy too and that's one reason she has a hard time traveling any distance to visit with others?
When I was shy it was much harder for me to visit with others than to have them come to hang out with me.
With your couply friends, maybe they don't know that you'd still be willing to do things with them even though you're not single. It could be that they're concerned for you, or that they're not sure how to get that ball rolling. If you've already mentioned the possibility to them and they've not taken you up on it, then that's unfortunate that friendship won't continue. But, if you're willing to travel to where they are maybe even some window shopping or low-key visiting might break the ice to spend time with them once again.
Getting involved in the senior center would be a great thing for you too, though, and I encourage you to follow up on that soon. I'd love to hear about it when you do.
@paigea (36317)
• Canada
18 Jul 16
Reading this, it sounds like you gave yourself a "time in" to the real world while you had a "time out" from the online world.
I find I feel much better when I get out and do a few things and balance how much I spend on this laptop with other things.
I joined a meetup.com group that mainly is a walking group. That has proved to be a very good thing for me. There are meetup groups for everything. Board games, language learning, everything.
strangely enough in that meetup group that I joined to go walking has a lot of people who are grieving. Some recent widows and another woman who has lost a child to cancer and who has a grandchild about my great nephew's age. We are both intent on staying in our grand child's life.
So, I went for the walking and found someone who shares my experience so closely.
1 person likes this
@CRK109 (14556)
• United States
18 Jul 16
That is so great to hear because I've been contemplating a meetup group, but I haven't been sure about joining. I tend to be shy and joining a group of strangers can be difficult for me. But once I find one that sounds like it might be a good fit for me, I think I will try it out. I'm so glad you mentioned it to me!
@marsha32 (6631)
• United States
17 Jul 16
The time out I need is not because I've not been around anyone, they are because too many are pulling me in different directions.
My best time out lately was the mission trip. I use the quilt retreats for my time outs too.
@crazyhorseladycx (39509)
• United States
17 Jul 16
i'm so glad that'cher takin' this time 'n doin' somethin' most productive - findin' yer true self 'gain. i dunno why folks "disappear", i've'd such occur myself. aint words to describe what such does to yer heart'n trust. but, sounds's though yer well'n yer way to healin' 'n i'm so delighted to read'f such.
i fear i've no great words'f wisdom to share with ya. outside'f recallin' that's one door opens, there's always other doors which're standin' wide open, jest waitin' fer ya to take that leap'f faith - in yerself :)
1 person likes this
@just4him (317089)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
17 Jul 16
I'm so happy you're getting out of your rut. I will soon be living on my own once again, something I haven't done in over 8 years since I bought my home and my kids decided to come back to mama. 
When I got fired from my job, I spent a lot of time looking for work and then something started happening, I started enjoying the free time I had to myself. I started getting involved in various things. I started with a ladies Bible Study at a church I no longer go to, and I started going to my writer's group once a month. As I started moving outside myself, I also started going to the movies with a friend.
Since I got my Social Security I don't miss work and I'm enjoying my retirement. So getting outside yourself and getting social is my recommendation. You know what you like to do, find others who feel the same way. I'm sure there are readers groups where you can share what you read. That way you'll make new friends and they won't be someone from your other life who have left you behind for their own reasons.
When I got fired from my job, I spent a lot of time looking for work and then something started happening, I started enjoying the free time I had to myself. I started getting involved in various things. I started with a ladies Bible Study at a church I no longer go to, and I started going to my writer's group once a month. As I started moving outside myself, I also started going to the movies with a friend.
Since I got my Social Security I don't miss work and I'm enjoying my retirement. So getting outside yourself and getting social is my recommendation. You know what you like to do, find others who feel the same way. I'm sure there are readers groups where you can share what you read. That way you'll make new friends and they won't be someone from your other life who have left you behind for their own reasons.1 person likes this
@CRK109 (14556)
• United States
18 Jul 16
I'm sure that some of my old friends walked away because it's hard to be around someone who lost her husband and who lost her home. They can't understand it all and they don't know that just being here and smiling and giving me a simple hug is all it takes. But it's okay. In time I will find new friends. The ladies with whom I grocery shop are almost friends. We all care about one another and they are encouraging me to join the Senior Center. I will do that one of these days. Maybe there are friends to be found there. Sounds like you've done very well for yourself since losing your job, so you're an inspiration to me!
1 person likes this
@MGjhaud (23240)
• Philippines
17 Jul 16
I did, not because i was stressed out or sad but i prefer my life to be like that on a daily basis. When i was working, my work and workmates are off my life once i get out the office door. my privacy or my time for myself is very important to me. It helps me to have an organized and peaceful life. Other people may not understand that about me but i dont change the way i live to please others.
@Vjvals (906)
• Roseville, California
17 Jul 16
The thing is do you make a good friend? I bet you do and they cannot for some reason reciprocate. So, if you keep that in mind, you can put it all in perspective and feel better. It's still not a great feeling but the world to me anyway is a lonely planet for many.
