The Sad Tale of the Voracious Duvet Cover

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Do you find that your possessions have minds of their own and would give you the finger if they had one to give? I’m finding that with technology all the time. I’m fully inured to the fact that my smartphone is a heck of a lot smarter than I am, and that both my tablets run rings around me. I’ve never managed successfully to probe the mysteries of my digital camera. However, this rant is not against them. It is against – my duvet cover! I don’t know whether my friends on the other side of the Atlantic are fully acquainted with these infernal inventions yet? Duvets were not in general use in the short period when I was living in the US, but that was over 35 years ago. Anyway, mine is quite meek and well behaved until I put it into the washing machine. Then it becomes an all-consuming glutton, and a bully to boot. After the washing cycle, when I empty my washing machine, I regularly find that, at first glance, half my wash is missing – and that my duvet cover has gained an astonishing amount of weight. When, er, encouraged to empty itself, it disgorges not only pillowslips but also nightclothes, socks, shirts – and even the occasional pair of unmentionables! Then I remove them – separately – to the dryer, only to have the same problem when that cycle is completed! While the wash cycle is going, it’s time to put the new duvet cover on my duvet. Result? Complete refusal to eat! It spits it out, holds bits of it in its cheek, and generally misbehaves like a picky toddler with his/her lunch. So why do I use a duvet? Well, I just don’t like the feel of blankets around me, or of being tucked in tightly at night. True, it’s easier for Certain People (Rik, take note!) to misappropriate a duvet than blankets – but I still prefer a duvet, and really missed it when I was staying in the US. So, I ask the rest of you: duvets or blankets? And does anyone have any tips for the successful management of duvet covers?