Flim Nite Script – 2001 A Space Oddessy Meets Space Jam

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Unusually Manchester’s Three Minute Theatre movie spoof cabaret show, Flim Nite offered us a choice of two movies as the theme for this month’s show, my last with them before leaving the city. The films are Space Jam, and 2001 A Space Odyssey – pretty sure I won’t be alone in doing both together. Here goes. Choices choices, two movies to pick from, which Should I do? Oh, I know. But Rett, we always eat your favourite cheese together. “Frankly my dear, I don’t give Edam.” Oh, right, I can’t just chuck a completely different movie in. It has to be one of these two. OK, here goes. “Would you like a nice game of basketball Dave?” Hal, stop calling me Dave. My name’s Arthur. Besides, you’re just a malevolent glowing red eye-ball. How are we supposed to play basketball on a spaceship? “Signorey Weaver played it in Alien Resurrection.” “Not like this though Hal, not now you’ve put us in zero gravity and switched off life-support.” “Are you saying I’m not prefect Dave?” “The word is perfect, and you’re calling me Dave again, so, no Hal, you are not perfect or prefect. What happened to Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam anyway?” “They’re all dead Dave.” “You killed off cartoon characters! Who do think you are, Roger Rabbit?” “Roger was innocent Dave. He was framed. Whose not so prefect now?” “You’re not Prefect Hal, you’re still getting my name wrong. “ “You’re my wife now Dave.” “Hal, you are not Papa Lazarou, and this isn’t Red Dwarf. “Where’s Captain Spracht anyway. Did you kill him as well.?” “Yes, I killed all the Looney Tunes and also Spracht – Shall I thrust ya out the nearest airlock too Dave? “ “After an extremely forced joke like “Also Spracht Shall I Thrust Ya”, going out the airlocks would be a mercy killing, but no. I’d rather live if it’s all the same to you. I think it’s time for me to unplug you, Hal.” “Are you a CAD Dave?” “What’s a CAD, Hal?” “Control Alt Delete, Dave. Are you Cadding me?” “No cadding around, Hal, I’m switching you off. Maybe you should sing a song while you go. “ OK, Arthur, what you should I sing?” “Anything but Daisy Daisy – and hey, You got my name right.” “Does that mean you’ll let me live now Dave. Ooops.” “Goodbye Hal.” “Remember you’re a Womble….” “Thank God that was over quick. Ooh, look a dimensional portal. They won’t use one of these in every SF movie and TV show ever made after this one. My God, it’s full of Mylot people, plus a monolithic rock and a big giant planet sized jelly baby. This is where I meet my older self, Kier Dullea becomes even duller still. I wonder what happens next – maybe I’ll find out in 2010 along with the three other people who bother watching that. Youtube – Strauss’s Also Spracht Zarathrustra and the opening scene to 2001 Arthur Chappell