Gay Men Married to Women

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After reading some discussions and comments here over the past year and an email discussion back and forth with a woman who found out she is married to a gay man I thought I would put this out for discussion. It is long and please keep in mind these are MY experiences, thoughts, ideas, etc. and say what you want but be respectful and if anyone wants to discuss it more with me feel free to email me. *******************************************************************************************. I have 5 close friends--who by the way I won't name by name and/or initials--two who have been married but are now divorced--all 5 have grown children and 4 have grandchildren. All except one knew they were gay when they got married. Why did they marry? In the 50s and 60s gay men got married because of pressure from society and from themselves. At that time if you wanted to get ahead in the business world if you were married or, even better, married with children you had a better chance of advancing than over the single guy. Married men were thought to be more stable, more responsible, more adult. It was easier to get along in business, the community, in life if you were a family man. One of the men thought getting married would make him straight, another thought the desires would go away and a third didn't know he was gay. (The latter, who came out about 10 years ago when he realized that he was gay is the divorced one and is making up for lost time.) A couple of the men wanted to get divorces but they knew they would lose everything financially but, more important, would/could lose their children possibly not allowed to see them. (It's a little better now but back then it was a reality that you could lose everything.) There was also the case where if they came out they could lose their jobs along with everything else--for you younger folks discrimination laws didn't start getting passed until the 80s. How did the men survive? By sneaking around--having anonymous sex in bathrooms, back rooms of bars, X rated movies, parks, anywhere, anyplace they could go or going to 'male sex workers'. If they were entrapped their names would appear in the papers and most would have to leave where they lived. All the men are now retired--one as I mentioned is making up for lost time--the other, who is divorced, went through about 2-3 lovers and has now lived with his current partner for 8 years. His kids have accepted him (and his partner) unconditionally and no longer has sex with other men. Of the 3 others 2 do volunteer work so they can get out 'away' to do what they need to do during the day. The last one has a wife who is with him 24/7 and he pours out his feelings via e-mail and tries to live through the 'adventures' of others. Since he has retired he has had various illnesses--coincidence? I am not condoning or condemning these men--they did what they felt they had to do at the time and not one would change having had children. Are things any better today? Are gay men getting married because they feel they have to? To 'prove' to themselves that they aren't gay, maybe being bi-sexual is 'better'? (How come I never hear of a gay man sneaking out on his male lover to have sex with a female? Why is it only gay men who say they are bi-sexual? But that's a whole other discussion!) To have children? They can do that without getting married. And the wives? I know one who has to know about her husband but would rather not know. I really believe 3 others had no idea. The one who did know--he told her why he wanted the divorce--felt betrayed and has been very bitter ever since. Why do gay men get married today knowing they will be cheating on their wives. Afraid they will hurt their family if they come out? How many women are married to men who are gay and don't know it? I really don't understand why TODAY a gay man will get married to a woman--any ideas?