Do you ever hesitate to ask for help?

Perth, Australia
August 10, 2016 10:29pm CST
I know I've had this bad habit of not asking people for help when I feel like I need it. I don't mean help like "Can you please help me lift this box?" or "Can you please help me with the dishes?" I mean like asking people to hang out with me cause I feel down or asking for someone to listen to me talk about something on my mind. It's extremely rare that I ask for that sort of help. I do talk a lot more than I used to. Years ago I kept literally everything to myself. Never told anyone anything that was going on around me or the thoughts that was going on in my head that kept me awake at night. I woke up this morning feeling really low about certain things. I kept laying there having the urge to message a friend to ask if we could just sit and talk just so I had some company but hesitated. And I still haven't asked. I'm more better than I was earlier cause I've received good news since then but I don't understand why I do this a lot. Actually no, I have some understanding. I don't want to feel a burden to anyone. But there must be more to it right? Do you usually just keep things to yourself even though you're yearning for someone to talk to? Why do we do it?
10 people like this
13 responses
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
11 Aug 16
Because you are a stubborn girl! Too much like me at certain things. Dani, it's not easy to admit that we need help. It only makes us feel weaker, needy and useless. Like we aren't capable or strong enough to handle a problem. And especially for a person to whom people look up to and comes with their own problems. That person has even more hard time admitting to himself/ herself that he/ she needs help. So we avoid it, refuse to think about it or just bottle it up. Expressing that need of help is whole another level of struggle for that person. Hmm.... so you ARE avoiding anyone you feel comfortable talking with. So, Ms. I-am-a-burden, let me give you a new perspective, yeah? Do you think that those very people are blind and don't see the stress under the surface? They don't point it out or mention it because they don't want to bother you anymore than you already are. It takes effort, a LOT of effort to hold back the words that are on the tip of their tongue. Believe me if they could sequester you away from all this drama they will, in a heartbeat. But at the end of the day, it is your call and they wait for you to say something. Anything! Would you enjoy just sitting there unable to do anything and just waiting and waiting and waiting while someone you care for suffer? Especially when the person concerned has decided that they don't want to talk because they don't want to be a "burden"? What the heck? Dani partner! (exasperated sigh and groan) You consider them close and special because you see something in them. They are there for a reason, sweet girl! They stay because they can handle it. Honestly! If they hadn't run away by now, I don't think there is much worse you can do that will make them go away. They can handle it! You are so underestimating them and so undermining their love for you. And that's not fair! Just getting those words, feelings, thoughts out will lessen the burden you are putting on yourself. Call them, message them!!!
6 people like this
• Perth, Australia
15 Aug 16
@Daljinder ah I see your point. And you're right! Hope you look forward to a long message soon on Facebook lol cause you do know you're one of those people right?
2 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
15 Aug 16
@VivaLaDani13 Wouldn't bother me a bit. So shoot!
1 person likes this
• India
12 Aug 16
this is so true and such good advice.
2 people like this
@Ritu96 (897)
• Sonipat, India
11 Aug 16
no one can better understand this then me because i have been in same situations for around a year.i had nice friends at that time....they helped a bit for some time , because they had fun doing it,they enjoyed at cost me....after that it became a bit difficult for them to handle the things related to me.then finally they were out of my life,and i also realised that most of the problems wre created by them..now i happy that i am not in contact with them
3 people like this
• Perth, Australia
15 Aug 16
@Ritu96 I am so sorry! I do know what you mean! Over the years I've lost a lot of "friends" because they just didn't want to help what they couldn't understand. And they didn't even want to try and understand so the best they could do was just run away and not worry about having to deal with it. As annoying as that is, at least you know who your true friends are after the fake ones scatter away.
1 person likes this
@Ritu96 (897)
• Sonipat, India
15 Aug 16
@VivaLaDani13 all of them wre not true friends..,mine case is same as yours.
2 people like this
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
11 Aug 16
I understand what you mean - I keep things to myself too. I've noticed that you sometimes ask us for advice here, but that's different.
3 people like this
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
13 Aug 16
@VivaLaDani13 Don't hold back - let it all spill out
2 people like this
• Perth, Australia
13 Aug 16
@jaboUK Yeah I find it a bit easier to ask here online. I actually do hesitate for awhile before I type out my post and then sometimes I will sit there debating whether or not to submit it. Sometimes I worry that I'm going to be "that girl" who seems to have issues a lot. So I try to hold back from lots of things that are on my mind.
2 people like this
@moffittjc (121499)
• Gainesville, Florida
12 Aug 16
If you ever want to talk about anything, you know how to reach me! I would never consider it a burden to talk to you! I've been worried about you these last couple of days!
2 people like this
@moffittjc (121499)
• Gainesville, Florida
13 Aug 16
@VivaLaDani13 A was going to message you too, but wasn't sure if you just wanted a little time to yourself! You can always message me anytime!
www...I
2 people like this
• Perth, Australia
13 Aug 16
@moffittjc A message would have been fine. Thanks for thinking of me. If anything, company is what I need anyway.
2 people like this
• Perth, Australia
13 Aug 16
@moffittjc Thank you. That means a lot to me. I almost did message you before actually. Sorry about you being worried but thank you though. Nice to know people care.
2 people like this
@rina110383 (24492)
11 Aug 16
I keep things to myself because I know, they too have problems and just like me, they don't want to add up to other's burden or stress. I like keeping it to myself because I don't listen to others anyway. Sometimes, people who listen tend to give an unsolicited advice. With that, what I do is to just keep myself busy so that I have no time to think of my problems.
3 people like this
• Perth, Australia
15 Aug 16
@rina110383 That's fair enough. I guess you also need to feel comfortable with the person you talk to as well. Someone who actually does listen and gives good advice.
2 people like this
@responsiveme (22926)
• India
12 Aug 16
I share with friends who have been with me forever. I can understand your problem, but things become easier if shared. Which doesn't mean telling the whole world but some special friends who would understand.
2 people like this
• Perth, Australia
15 Aug 16
@Daljinder Oh my god DJ! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My laugh sounded so insane then! That was hilarious!
2 people like this
• Perth, Australia
15 Aug 16
@responsiveme I understand where you are coming from. I agree with you. :)
2 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
15 Aug 16
@responsiveme Where did the rest of the body go?
2 people like this
• Philippines
11 Aug 16
I understand you because I feel that way, too. I feel like pouring all my emotions and feelings to someone is like passing the burden to them. But you know what, if a person is truly your friend, he or she can handle that. And most of the time that person would be the one to give you good advice and make you feel better. I've learned that by experience.
2 people like this
• Perth, Australia
11 Aug 16
@moonchild117 You are exactly right about that! If someone was a true friend, they would do whatever they could to make us feel better! Very true!
2 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
11 Aug 16
@moonchild117 You are right!!! If the person is good, they will handle it. Regardless of being a friend or not.
2 people like this
• Philippines
11 Aug 16
@VivaLaDani13 Yes. So don't be afraid to ask them for help. It will also benefit you because you'll be able to release all the feelings that have been bringing you down.
2 people like this
@skysnap (20153)
11 Aug 16
I live in such environment. so yes hesitant to ask for help.
2 people like this
• Perth, Australia
15 Aug 16
@skysnap That sucks! I'm sorry! I hope that you do eventually vent to people about things that are troubling you!
1 person likes this
@SHOHANA (16093)
• Bangladesh
12 Aug 16
@VivaLaDani13 yeah i often
2 people like this
• Perth, Australia
15 Aug 16
@SHOHANA Sorry you often get like that!
2 people like this
@carexing25 (1822)
• Philippines
11 Aug 16
Find someone whom you really trust in terms of things like this for you not to hesitate.
2 people like this
• Perth, Australia
15 Aug 16
@carexing25 Exactly right. :) Very true.
1 person likes this
@Mike197602 (15505)
• United Kingdom
11 Aug 16
Over the last 8 years or so I've had really low times and found keeping it to myself made me feel worse so I burdened my family with my woes...made me feel better anyway I don't really keep things to myself but neither does my sis so it even out
2 people like this
• Perth, Australia
15 Aug 16
@Mike197602 lol I hope they helped you out though!
2 people like this
• Israel
11 Aug 16
I just like that ... I think it's a matter of character. I do not think there's really nobody to tell, in reality I closed. Computer nobody knows me, I am more confident. Maybe it's your situation .. It is also related to your environment if your close friends and family.
2 people like this
• Perth, Australia
15 Aug 16
@excellent10 I see what you mean. It really does depend on who you want to vent to.
1 person likes this
• Goa, India
13 Aug 16
Very true You are right
2 people like this
• Perth, Australia
13 Aug 16
@usebux2015 Thanks for answering. :)
1 person likes this