Jokes

there are only so many things words can say... pictures are worth a more than a million words:

3 guys were hiking along a trail in the jungle when a huge pack of indians attaked them and took them to the tribal throne. The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me." So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was then killed. Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed. The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!" The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."

A parish priest came to New York and addressed the press conference. A reporter asked the priest: Have you visited any night clubs? The priest who wanted to be smarter than reporter quipped: Are there any night clubs in New York? Next day the news headline was: PARISH PRIEST WANTED TO KNOW THE LOCATION OF NIGHT CLUBS

Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A. He wanted cold hard cash!

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your other ear?" "The jerk called back!"

In the midst of a huge storm, the town is flooded and a priest climbs up to the steeple to escape the flooding. A few moments later, a couple of men in a boat come along. "You'd better get in, Father!" They shouted. "No thank you. God will save me," he said, and the men left. A short time later, another boat came to the rescue. "Get in, Father! The water is rising fast!" "It's quite alright, my son," said the priest, "The Lord is my salvation!" The water gets higher still and the priest is clinging to the roof for dear life when another boat comes by. "Hurry Father. Get in!" "Not to worry! God will save me!" Sooner or later, the priest gets tired of hanging on, lets go, and drowns in the flood. In heaven, the priest reaches the pearly gates and yells at God, "Why didn't you save me??" God's voice booms down to him "Gimme a break! I sent three boats!"

Yet another one: At a port city, a woman told her daughter: Dear donot believe the soldiers who come here in ship. They make love to you and say they want to marry you. Never ever believe them. The daughter agreed to her mother's advice. A ship came, lot of soldiers came in search of girls. They came to this one's daughter. She told the solider: My mother told me not to believe the soldier so I will not entertain you. The soldier said I am not a full soldier. I am half soldier and half sailor (merchant navy). The girl asked: You better tell me which half of you are sailor.

Q. What did the water say to the boat? A. Nothing, it just waved.

Q. Why did the tomato turn red? A. It saw the salad dressing!

Q. What do you get from a pampered cow? A. Spoiled milk.

Cut or Copy then Paste

Knock-knock...

Guide: I welcome u all to the Niagra falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls & the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, sound of even 20 supersonic planes passing can't b heard! Now may I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagra Falls??

Heres one my friend told me. How do get 100 pikachus on a bus? Pokemon!!

Q. How do you make a tissue dance? A. Put a little boogey in it! Q. Where do bees go to the bathroom? A. At the BP station! Q. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? A. Odor in the court. Q. What did the water say to the boat? A. Nothing, it just waved. Q. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? A. Dam! Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other? A. They don't have the guts.

Q. What do prisoners use to call each other? A. Cell phones. Q. What do you get from a pampered cow? A. Spoiled milk. Q. Where do polar bears vote? A. The North Poll Q. What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane? A. ME!!! Q. Where do snowmen keep their money? A. In snow banks.

Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A. He wanted cold hard cash! Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus? A. "Is that you mommy?" Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A. Frostbite. Q. How do crazy people go through the forest? A. They take the psycho path.

Gullibility Virus WARNING, CAUTION, DANGER, AND BEWARE! Gullibility Virus Spreading over the Internet! WASHINGTON, D.C.--The Institute for the Investigation of Irregular Internet Phenomena announced today that many Internet users are becoming infected by a new virus that causes them to believe without question, every groundless story, legend, and dire warning that shows up in their inbox or on their browser. The Gullibility Virus, as it is called, apparently makes people believe and forward copies of silly hoaxes relating to cookie recipes, email viruses, taxes on modems, and get-rich-quick schemes. "These are not just readers of tabloids or people who buy lottery tickets based on fortune cookie numbers," a spokesman said. "Most are otherwise normal people, who would laugh at the same stories if told to them by a stranger on a street corner." However, once these same people become infected with the Gullibility Virus, they believe anything they read on the Internet. "My immunity to tall tales and bizarre claims is all gone," reported one weeping victim. "I believe every warning message and sick child story my friends forward to me, even though most of the messages are anonymous." Another victim, now in remission, added, "When I first heard about Good Times, I just accepted it without question. After all, there were dozens of other recipients on the mail header, so I thought the virus must be true." It was a long time, the victim said, before she could stand up at a Hoaxes Anonymous meeting and state, "My name is Jane, and I've been hoaxed." Now, however, she is spreading the word. "Challenge and check whatever you read," she says. Internet users are urged to examine themselves for symptoms of the virus, which include the following: ~ The willingness to believe improbable stories without thinking. ~ The urge to forward multiple copies of such stories to others. ~ A lack of desire to take three minutes to check to see if a story is true. T. C. is an example of someone recently infected. He told one reporter, "I read on the Net that the major ingredient in almost all shampoos makes your hair fall out, so I've stopped using shampoo." When told about the Gullibility Virus, T. C. said he would stop reading email, so that he would not become infected. Anyone with symptoms like these is urged to seek help immediately. Experts recommend that at the first feelings of gullibility, Internet users rush to their favorite search engine and look up the item tempting them to thoughtless credence. Most hoaxes, legends, and tall tales have been widely discussed and exposed by the Internet community. Courses in critical thinking are also widely available, and there is online help from many sources, including: Department of Energy Computer Incident Advisory Capability Symantec Anti Virus Research Center McAfee Associates Virus Hoax List Dr. Solomon's Hoax Page The Urban Legends Web Site Urban Legends Reference Pages Datafellows Hoax Warnings Those people who are still symptom free can help inoculate themselves against the Gullibility Virus by reading some good material on evaluating sources, such as: Evaluating Internet Research Sources Evaluation of Information Sources Bibliography on Evaluating Internet Resources Lastly, as a public service, Internet users can help stamp out the Gullibility Virus by sending copies of this message to anyone who forwards them a hoax. This message is so important, we're sending it anonymously! Forward it to all your friends right away! Don't think about it! This is not a chain letter! This story is true! Don't check it out! This story is so timely, there is no date on it! This story is so important, we're using lots of exclamation points! Lots!! For every message you forward to some unsuspecting person, the Home for the Hopelessly Gullible will donate ten cents to itself. (If you wonder how the Home will know you are forwarding these messages all over creation, you're obviously thinking too much.) ACT NOW! DON'T DELAY! LIMITED TIME ONLY! NOT SOLD IN ANY STORE!

nice jokes..good goingg

Sardar at bar. The man on the left says one Peter Scotch. the man on right says two johny Walker. The sardar couldnot wait but said Three Ram Sing