Problems with a Friend
By 5th House
@5thHouse (1678)
Sheffield, England
October 4, 2016 6:08am CST
A friend of mine is being really hard work at the moment. Admittedly, she's not had the best time lately with work-related stress and a broken relationship, but I've been completely supportive to her during this time.
Just lately however she's started to make catty little asides. Whenever I tell her anything that has happened in my life, even quite ordinary bits of news, she'll say things like - "Well, obviously everything's tickety-boo in your life and you don't want to hear about my problems" or "My life just keeps getting worse and yours just gets better." It's not even true, because she knows for a fact that my own life hasn't been plane sailing this year. When I talk about things I've done, I'm not trying to rub her nose in it. I'm simply giving her my news, as she gives me hers. It's not even that startling, just humdrum things mainly.
She's on her own with no partner and no family, so I don't pretend it's easy for her, but she has a good support network of friends. I have spent many hours helping her with her problems and we email every day without fail, meeting up when we can. It hurts me that she makes me out to be someone who just couldn't possibly understand because in her view my life is rosy and I have someone who can help me pay the bills.
Surely you don't always have to be in the exact same circumstances as another person to be a good friend to them, to understand their pain? I am getting to the point where I have to tiptoe on eggshells all the time because she is so over-sensitive to anything I say and so ready to criticize me.
What should I do in this situation? I am sick of apologizing when I don't actually think I have done anything wrong. I rarely give up on any friend, but I feel that her negativity is doing neither of us any good right now.
3 people like this
4 responses
@ms1864 (6885)
• Bangalore, India
4 Oct 16
I have a friend like that...she like to come to me to share all her problems but it doesn't occur to her that i might have some of my own...she doesn't even ASK. So i stop trying to share my problems with her...i go to other friends for that...but since she is still my friend..i listen when she needs me to...maybe what she needs from me is just a ear.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
4 Oct 16
I'm sorry to hear that. I don't think you need to apologize to her. It sounds like she's just frustrated with her life, but she shouldn't take it out on her friends like you who do listen to her. I'd tell her how you feel. I have found a trick for confronting someone who is having behavioral issues is to say "I feel". For example... "I feel like you are angry with me because I'm not in the same situation as you are." ... Best of luck...
1 person likes this
@5thHouse (1678)
• Sheffield, England
4 Oct 16
Thanks. I think that's a good idea to say, "I feel" because it always allows for the fact that how you feel may not be the way it actually is. I think a lot of the problem comes from the written word. We email a lot and I think it's so easy to misinterpret the written word. It's easy to imagine a particular tone that isn't there, especially when you're in a negative frame of mind, as she is. She'll be projecting her own insecurities onto everything right now. I guess I'll just try to be patient, give her some space and give myself a bit of space from it too.
