Amputation and the Cake that had a Case

Tweet

Episode 1 Part 1 Doc Beige (DB) .. Hello Ladies and gents , welcome to the the first in-show broadcast of the The Doc Beige Show, we are here in our set named E.R. 1 and broadcasting from cyberspace. Tonight we will be with a special guest Mr. A.M.Putee who will be talking about his life experiences , and oh . the kids will enjoy this , Switchfoot will be performing for us live so watch out for that. With me also is my good friend Percy who will keep us up to speed. So join me for the next 5 minutes ( or 25 minutes depending on how fast you read :) ) for the Doc Beige show, because reality is never, ever funny . DB. So opening up tonights show we have our first guest, He's a smoker, eats a lot of carbs and is a known diabetic, walks on crutches.. lets give a warm welcome to mr A.M.Putee CyberAudience (CA) . Clap! Clap! Clap! (Clap by the way is slang for Gonorrhea, but thats for another episode) A.M.P. hello Doc Beige DB . Hello mr Putee, would you tell us a little bit of yourself? A.M.P. Well doc, ive been smoking for about 27 years now, i started when i was 13. DB . Wow! 13? isnt that kinda young? A.M.P. Well you know how it is, Macho macho having a cigar, even though not lit i may add, plus its a real hit with the girls. DB. Whua? having a cigar is a hit with the girls??? At 13? Man u probably still dont have your pubes then . A.M.P. Well its all in good fun , until i started lighting the cigars. DB. Ok so now youre fakey cool to real cool then? A.M.P. right DB. But you were essentially spending and burning your folks' hard earned money, lets face it , at 13 theres no way that you would have money and a job, unless you let strange men touch you and make them pay for it . A.M.P. Er,, uhm .. right. DB. Geez so how long have you been leeching off your folks then. No wait, when did you get a job to pay for your smokes? A.M.P. Ah, err, 23? DB. hmmm.. 10 years eh. So how many sticks a day were you at that point?? A.M.P. 5 sticks?? DB. Yeah Right!!! A.M.P. All right a pack a day . DB. Sheesh , i think its too late for denial. So moving on.. tell us more. A.M.P. Well you know , stress at work, you just gotta have a fix. DB. It is a choice you know? A.M.P. Yah well you know how it is, if youre young, you feel like youre indestructible. DB. Copping a line from aunt may "Youre not Superman , you know." A.M.P. Well sure felt like it till i got to about 30, i had a bad case of smokers cough, only to discover that i had TB. Had to take all those meds that was turning my piss orange. I got through that hump til i got to 35 when i was pissing and eating and drinking a lot, thats when i discovered i had diabetes. DB. You know they say that the disease you get is a reflection of your eating habits. You must have had it good then. A.M.P. Yeah, but now i had to swear off on the sweets, i cud only eat a third of a cup of rice, a small amount of meat. But hey, no one ever has to know if i sneak in a snack here and there right? DB. Only if you wana live to see 50. A.M.P. hey its hard to turn down a chocolate cake you know.. it practically screams at you saying "EAT ME!!!" DB. Geez Percy, this guy has as much self control as a Rock. Percy (Py) Woof Woof (make that a pebble) A.M.P. Hey dont judge me, you wernt there. The Cake was making a stong case. So i obliged. DB, Y. (Rolls eyeballs to the roof.) Woof Woof woof (that proves it, this guy is a certified cornball ) A.M.P. I mean why cud a lot of other people eat cake and not me??? DB. Uh DUH!! Maybe its because theyre not Diabetics? A.M.P. Your point being?? DB Thought Bubble ((willpower of a pebble, but thick as a brick)) So Mr Putee, i guess you stopped or cut down on the smokes then? A.M.P. Heck No!! DB. You sure love your smokes sir, but didnt you know that smokes are a no no when u have diabetes. A.M.P. Who sez? DB. I would say God if that would put some fear in you but I have a feeling that fear is not an option eh? A.M.P. Its like this Doc, i dont plan to live forever, might as well enjoy the ride. DB. I see, so youre planning for the budget value meal life then. A.M.P. hey the way i figure i stil have 20, 30 years left. PY. Woof WOOF (Try 5 years dork !) A.M.P What did he say ? DB. He said WooF WOOF A.M.P. I mean what did he SAY?? DB. I dunno.. He's a Dog for crissakes. Anyway we have to go to commercial, dont change the page cuz when we come back we'll have switchfoot performing my favorite song. So dont touch that dial. Place commercial Here .. The doc beige show will be right back after a few words from our sponsors, Episode 1 Part 1 Doc Beige (DB) .. Hello Ladies and gents , welcome to the the first in-show broadcast of the The Doc Beige Show, we are here in our set named E.R. 1 and broadcasting from cyberspace. Tonight we will be with a special guest Mr. A.M.Putee who will be talking about his life experiences , and oh . the kids will enjoy this , Switchfoot will be performing for us live so watch out for that. With me also is my good friend Percy who will keep us up to speed. So join me for the next 5 minutes ( or 25 minutes depending on how fast you read :) ) for the Doc Beige show, because reality is never, ever funny . DB. So opening up tonights show we have our first guest, He's a smoker, eats a lot of carbs and is a known diabetic, walks on crutches.. lets give a warm welcome to mr A.M.Putee CyberAudience (CA) . Clap! Clap! Clap! (Clap by the way is slang for Gonorrhea, but thats for another episode) A.M.P. hello Doc Beige DB . Hello mr Putee, would you tell us a little bit of yourself? A.M.P. Well doc, ive been smoking for about 27 years now, i started when i was 13. DB . Wow! 13? isnt that kinda young? A.M.P. Well you know how it is, Macho macho having a cigar, even though not lit i may add, plus its a real hit with the girls. DB. Whua? having a cigar is a hit with the girls??? At 13? Man u probably still dont have your pubes then . A.M.P. Well its all in good fun , until i started lighting the cigars. DB. Ok so now youre fakey cool to real cool then? A.M.P. right DB. But you were essentially spending and burning your folks' hard earned money, lets face it , at 13 theres no way that you would have money and a job, unless you let strange men touch you and make them pay for it . A.M.P. Er,, uhm .. right. DB. Geez so how long have you been leeching off your folks then. No wait, when did you get a job to pay for your smokes? A.M.P. Ah, err, 23? DB. hmmm.. 10 years eh. So how many sticks a day were you at that point?? A.M.P. 5 sticks?? DB. Yeah Right!!! A.M.P. All right a pack a day . DB. Sheesh , i think its too late for denial. So moving on.. tell us more. A.M.P. Well you know , stress at work, you just gotta have a fix. DB. It is a choice you know? A.M.P. Yah well you know how it is, if youre young, you feel like youre indestructible. DB. Copping a line from aunt may "Youre not Superman , you know." A.M.P. Well sure felt like it till i got to about 30, i had a bad case of smokers cough, only to discover that i had TB. Had to take all those meds that was turning my piss orange. I got through that hump til i got to 35 when i was pissing and eating and drinking a lot, thats when i discovered i had diabetes. DB. You know they say that the disease you get is a reflection of your eating habits. You must have had it good then. A.M.P. Yeah, but now i had to swear off on the sweets, i cud only eat a third of a cup of rice, a small amount of meat. But hey, no one ever has to know if i sneak in a snack here and there right? DB. Only if you wana live to see 50. A.M.P. hey its hard to turn down a chocolate cake you know.. it practically screams at you saying "EAT ME!!!" DB. Geez Percy, this guy has as much self control as a Rock. Percy (Py) Woof Woof (make that a pebble) A.M.P. Hey dont judge me, you wernt there. The Cake was making a stong case. So i obliged. DB, Y. (Rolls eyeballs to the roof.) Woof Woof woof (that proves it, this guy is a certified cornball ) A.M.P. I mean why cud a lot of other people eat cake and not me??? DB. Uh DUH!! Maybe its because theyre not Diabetics? A.M.P. Your point being?? DB Thought Bubble ((willpower of a pebble, but thick as a brick)) So Mr Putee, i guess you stopped or cut down on the smokes then? A.M.P. Heck No!! DB. You sure love your smokes sir, but didnt you know that smokes are a no no when u have diabetes. A.M.P. Who sez? DB. I would say God if that would put some fear in you but I have a feeling that fear is not an option eh? A.M.P. Its like this Doc, i dont plan to live forever, might as well enjoy the ride. DB. I see, so youre planning for the budget value meal life then. A.M.P. hey the way i figure i stil have 20, 30 years left. PY. Woof WOOF (Try 5 years dork !) A.M.P What did he say ? DB. He said WooF WOOF A.M.P. I mean what did he SAY?? DB. I dunno.. He's a Dog for crissakes. Anyway we have to go to commercial, dont change the page cuz when we come back we'll have switchfoot performing my favorite song. So dont touch that dial. Place commercial Here .. The doc beige show will be right back after a few words from our sponsors,