What drives the arguments with your teen?

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What is actually driving the arguments you have with your teenager? And the answer may surprise you: FEAR! Every person on the planet wrestles with fear. People may not like to hear that. They may try to contradict this notion, "But I'm not afraid of anything. I feel perfectly safe in my home. I'm not afraid of my teen." That's good, but that isn't the kind of fear we're talking about. We mean things like fear of failure or fear of not being loved or fear of being alone. Fear is one of the primary motivators for all behavior. Everyone has typical and often highly developed behaviors they use to deal with their fears. As the primary motivator for behavior, fear frequently colors the way we live and react to life. Our fears can take many forms, including such things as anxiety, worry, concern, stress, apprehension, dread, defensiveness, avoidance, etc. Our fears can often be irrational. Our fear-based behaviors will often lead to us reacting, developing life strategies, and coping behaviors that carry numerous unfortunate consequences. Many times we let fear stop us from doing what we want and need to do. While there are many core fears, some of the more common ones we've seen include fears of being: alone, helpless, controlled, worthless, rejected, abandoned, failure, and unimportant. To deal with our fears, most people—consciously and unconsciously—fall into well-worn patterns of reacting when someone pushes their fear buttons. They'll do anything to soothe their hurt. They'll do or say anything to calm their fears.