Is Anthony really okay?

Dallas, Texas
December 5, 2016 5:17pm CST
Well, my doctor had to go and ask my wife to make sure I was okay since I was taken off my medicine for mood swings over a month ago. And today, after shopping at Tom Thumb, my wife told me it was my mania that led me to spend so much of my money at that store today. I grieve over the idea that not only does my doctor not believe me when I say I am better off not taking the Lithium since it brought my creatinine levels above the high side of normal ... 1.5, and when I went 5 days without taking it my creatinine level went back down to nearly normal at 1.27 . Since a few weeks ago I am still not drinking alcoholic beverages, still not drinking Dr. Pepper regularly, and since then I don't drink nearly as much coffee. Now I have become better by not taking the medicine although the normalcy of being me which only I can relate to myself about, others still maintain that I sometimes behave a bit manic. When I respond to allegations of being happy manic wise not normal wise, I get angry and then I am accused of over reacting, obviously they believe this to be one of my bipolar symptoms. I have to ask, what is normal? Normal is subjective at best. Normal is a statistical designation based on the numbers of people who act a certain way in a similar circumstance. When over half of the people behave in a positive or a negative way to a certain situation the other half that is less than 50 percent, are deemed by that simplistic assessment to be abnormal or just different. Even worse than that, the minority are subject to being labeled NON CONFORMISTS or rebels. So, today I decided to just go along with it but I was deeply offended by the notion that both doctors and some members of my family think I can't keep from doing things impulsively. I guess I am both impulsive and manic but the real thing is, my happiness. I can't seem to be happy without being labeled bipolar. I can't seem to be accepted unless I am on some kind of sedative medication that puts me in zombie land. I am not the only one who feels like this. They say it's just a chemical imbalance, but I think it is more normal to have feelings than to be a zombie who has no feelings about anything and who acts like a freeking robot, with only predictable behavior patterns that don't raise eye brows and keep people calm so as not to think I might put on a clown mask and try to imitate a mime while in a Walmart store. Give me a break. I am just me. I like to spend money when I have it. What else can I do with it, save it for an emergency?
2 people like this
2 responses
@Mike197602 (15512)
• United Kingdom
5 Dec 16
Part of me says believe your family and the doctors. Another part says if you're happy and not being totally "mental" that's ok When I was 18 I got "diagnosed" with a personality disorder and it was on the bad side according to the books. I've sort of done ok in life so I choose to believe the docs aren't always right...although I do have still some difficulty with emotions and understanding the emotions of others. I think sometimes with the mental health they want to box and label and medicate you...I certainly didn't go down that road
1 person likes this
• Dallas, Texas
6 Dec 16
More power to you and I am certainly glad that it was not forced upon you without your consent. I had to take the medications when I was first diagnosed or I would have been removed from my job and placed under lock and key. So I preferred the medication and out patient choice as opposed to being an inmate in an institution where I would have really become a nut case.
1 person likes this
@Mike197602 (15512)
• United Kingdom
6 Dec 16
@lookatdesktop I would have done the same as you Always best to take the medicine voluntarily...being sent away is not a good thing as they really control you then
1 person likes this
• Dallas, Texas
6 Dec 16
@Mike197602 Yea, One Flew Over The coocoo Nest, more or less.
1 person likes this
@NJChicaa (120138)
• United States
6 Dec 16
tough situation. Is there another medication you can try? Maybe a different one won't make you feel like a zombie.
1 person likes this
• Dallas, Texas
6 Dec 16
I don't really think so. I know that there are attempts to make some new types of medications available that are apparently for conditions such as epilepsy that are also being used for treating mood disorders like mine but the side effects are numerous and so I have decided to first try the CBT method that is in a book called Mind Over Mood.
1 person likes this