Can We Really Put the Past Behind Us?

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There is so much advice on how to live a good life, or change your circumstances. One of them is to put the past behind you and look forward. Don't let past traumas affect you. I don't know how you are suppose to erase those things from your memory. Not only that, your past experiences caused you to grow into the person you are today. All life's lessons do. Past relationships prepare you for THE ONE. So isn't this contradictory? My encounters with drunks (mother, aunt, sister, uncle, first husband, current husband, nieces, etc.) have turned me against alcohol. How am I supposed to forget about that and accept people drinking and drinking to excess? Yes, others experienced the same things but they haven't affected them the same way they have affected me. That is because I am a different person. I am who I am with my own feelings. We are supposed to be ourselves and be accepted for who we are. People look down on me for these feelings I have. They judge me... and I suppose I judge them if they are heavy drinkers. I choose not to be around people like that if I can. Why should I expose myself to negative influences? I am confused about these two contradictory ways of thinking. Remove toxic people from your lives. Be who you are. BUT, forget the past and move forward. BUT the past made me the person I am today. You can't change who you are. You may be able to change your thinking (which is not an easy thing to do). I was kind of ignored in my own home growing up. I became a third wheel in friendships in high school. These things ALSO made me who I am today... not much of a social person. I know the first thing people are going to suggest is counselling. But in counselling, I am to discover the things I already have discovered about myself. A therapist is not going to be able to change my thoughts and feelings because, I am who I am, am I not? Have I missed something here? What are your thoughts?