You came along in an unexpected time....

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The discussion title is a line from one of my favorite song Beautiful Days by Kyla (she's a local singer in my country). I haven't been here for days and weeks cause of my work schedule and also i am spending my free and personal time with a special person. She is making me happy now! She happens to be a surprise to me! It is safe to say that we are still freaking out over what and how things happened between the of us. Meeting someone online is very tricky! Honesty and trusting are two immediate concerns when meeting someone whether if it's from online dating or in the streets or in a coffee shop. She has a brave soul. I am so attracted to her intelligence and her kindness! Yes, I am in love! We are still getting used of each other-- being with each other's lives. Being said that.... that has been in the past now. It didn't work. The constant problem is being on time when the other person needed you and when the other person is expecting you to baby him or her. She hates me for not doing my only job. Well she needed me to reassure her all the time and she needs to hear and responding to her in silence will pissed her off and will makr her even sad and feel alone. I needed to baby her whenever she feels sad. Cause when i needed her she was there... right on time, reassuring me and telling me not to be insecure and not to overthink. We have planned the future but i've been called a liar cause i didn't say what i mean and mean what i say. I've been told of that i never took her seriously and all i needed is attention. I always make excuses every after excuses. I've been told that i will never care to handle her cause she didn't matter. So much hurtful exchange of words and conversations has been done. This has been going on and on and on and on. I allowed her to yell at me cause she has the right to do so when she's in rage of her anger cause i made her feel that she doen't matter enough to me. I am not expressive with words nor in actions. I must admit that i am not capable of meeting the needs that she expected. I can spend time with her but when it comes to dealing with her emotions i have made her feel that she can handle it on her own. Cause she has been all her life dealt with it. I knew she has baggages with her and has child abondonment issues and that is totally new to me. I couldn't find ways on how to handle her. I always fail and always late. I am hurting and she is hurting. I only Pray that she won't hurt herself again. I am sad. Exceptionally sad knowing that i can longer save the relationship. She asked me once.. how is it possible that i feel so intensely connected to you without even meeting you? Painful. So painful.