My Childhood Companion By Sunny Singh

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It had been raining today since morning. There was nothing new in that, but why had he been staring out of the window for the last two hours? This town and rain were not strangers to each other. He has been here for the last 35 years. He was barely 15 when his parents brought him here by force. While parting with Shilpi, Ashish could never forget those lamenting moments. But despite the pangs of his unabated love he never allowed his mental condition to deteriorate. This pitter-patter of falling raindrops, looking at water accumulated at many spots of the uneven grounds today, the unending memories of Shilpi pursued him. And why should they not? They used to get wet even during their childhood. Shilpi used to jump into the water pools with a splash and used to drench him. To him, the swing hanging from the strong mango branch suddenly appeared to be swinging once again. The same 15-year-old playful lass was trying to attract his attention, was adamant to be swung on the swing. The bird of Ashish’s imagination wanted to fly him back in to the past once again, to leave him with the ringing laughter of his childhood friend. “Eh idiot! Come on, swing me. What are you staring at?” Even after so many years, Shilpi’s voice was ringing clearly into his ears, as if so many years had not gone by and she had spoken those words just then. In the same school… in the same class… on way back from school playing until the evening. “Ah! How we loved each other!’ murmured Ashish while his eyes welled with tears. His late father’s behavior with Shilpi’s family years ago still makes him seethe with anger. He had blamed Shilpi and her family for his son’s just scraping past Class X with lesser marks. “You make him sit all day at your house and never ask him to go and study.” His father directed his statement to Shilpi’s mother, and this hurt her immensely. But his father did not stop at that. He went on, “You must treat others’ children as if they are your own; their future should not be played with.” It was difficult for Shilpi’s mother to contain herself anymore; with heavy heart she blurted out, “It is impossible to make anything out of Ashish’s future as long as he is in Shilpi’s company. Take Ashish somewhere far away from here.” Before his father could say anything, Shilpi’s mother stopped him saying, “Look Mr. Bhushan, we are not well off enough to go somewhere else and make two ends meet. Whatever little money we have, we have set aside for Shilpi’s marriage. We shall get her married off when she comes of age. Apart from her we hardly bother about our own future. But you can stay in the city and make Ashish study as well.” “Yes, I’ll do it for sure. It is the parents’ solemn duty to give a proper upbringing and higher education to their children,” his father said, raising his eyebrows, “Tomorrow’s society will not blame us, will it?” “We do not know about the society,” Shilpi’s mother uttered with a sigh. “It’s about time for Shilpi’s father to come home. Now please go away.” Despite being barely educated, Shilpi’s mother was polite in her speech. Standing before his late father’s portrait, Ashish began debating about his big lectures on education and courtesy. ‘Which limits would you not cross to get your dictates accepted?’ For a moment he forgot his pain and laughed out loud. Looking at his father’s portrait he spoke out again, “What a waste was the life for which you took me away to the city. I have lived only your life in the city and never my own. It was your wishes which got fulfilled, not mine. I had left my life behind in this village, oh father! My nature was that of an author, therefore, becoming an author was my obvious desire. But you, you ordered me to become a lawyer. Had it been a desire I could have said something, but how could I say anything as it was an order? Even mother never had any right to utter anything before you. Do you know I was very annoyed with you when you had enough gall to call mother ‘a companion’, and what meaning did a companion bear for you? Even if I define it today, it is such a waste. All I can say for sure today is that mother had been mortally afraid of you, all her life. She always agreed to your assertions. Do you remember when you were bent upon taking me to the city, mother had said, “Why are you making a mountain of a molehill”? And you gave her a resounding slap. After that mother never dared to say anything to you.” He gave out a long sigh and said, “So great was the love with which Shilpi had brought a bagful of mangoes—and how did you scorn her love by throwing it in the courtyard? The poor girl wept so bitterly. How callous could you be, father? Why did your heart not break into pieces just looking at her tear-filled eyes? Mother and I could not hold our tears. No sooner did mother embrace her that you ordered her to stay there with them forever. Having no options, mother had to retreat, and she went back to her room crying.” Before his anger got the better of him, Ashish thought it prudent to move away from the portrait. He peeped out of the window to see that the rain had stopped and he came out with a chair to sit on the lawn. The smell of the soil dissolved in the clean air enamored him. The atmosphere was as old and familiar as it was years ago. He had lived numerous seasons like this. But he did not want to count them, because he did not want to reduce those uncountable moments to mere statistics just by counting them. After all, he is only left with these memories to contend with, which account for special importance in his life. At the parting time when he had met Shilpi for the last time, their eyes were filled with tears. How sorry she had been for her mangoes being thrown away by his father! And she had even said while she wept, “I had brought mangoes for you. But Uncle threw them away.” Wiping her tears, Ashish replied, “And it is alright that he did that too. Whatever could have I done with those mangoes? As it is, I don’t eat them.” “Why?” “You know that.” Ashish replied, smiling lightly. “No. I don’t.” “Because I have never eaten them alone. Whenever I have, it was always in the company of my sweet friend.” The pent up lava of Shilpi’s emotions erupted. She clung to Ashish’s chest and sobbed, “After this day even I am not going to eat them. But for this one last time, can we not eat them together?” “Yes, why not?” Ashish said wiping his eyes. “How can I let go of this one opportunity to live life with you for one last time?” Ashish had kept procrastinating over his marriage. But after his father’s death, his mother started insisting even more. His mother told him repeatedly, “You must get married now. You just cannot rely upon me as to how long I will remain alive. I could die in peace once I see you get settled with my very own eyes. Worries about you keep eating me up all the time.” Like always, Ashish used to smile and say the same thing, “Mother, the day I feel the need to be with someone, I will do it myself. Let me hold at least this much of a right over my own life.” Whenever marriage was discussed, Shilpi’s face kept popping up before him. After his father’s death, he had been to his village too, but could not meet Shilpi. From Shilpi’s mother he discovered that she was already married. Hearing this Ashish asked eagerly, “Is she happy at her in-laws’ place? Does her husband love her?” “Yes, son. By the grace of God she has found a very good home. Even her in-laws are good to her.” Ashish was highly relieved to hear this. “How often does she come back here?” “She came back three or four times after marriage. But here, she keeps to herself. She keeps staring at this mango tree saying, ‘Mother I have got everything in life, but the only thing I did not get was my childhood companion. Could I not meet him but once?’ The pain became unbearable for Ashish. Shilpi’s mother saw his discomfort and said, “Son! She always said that she never had any other feeling about you. Many a time she had asked her father to go and see you, but every time, she always talked herself out of it and said, ’Let it be.’ She was worried about what your father might make of her friendship with you. It has been over five years since she last came here. The last time when she came back she said, “Mother, maybe I can’t come here anymore. Now I feel suffocated by the air around here.” Ashish also thought that at his heart, Shilpi had been right in saying that the atmosphere had become very suffocating. It might have become increasingly difficult for her to stay there. For a moment, he contemplated taking Shilpi’s address to see her. But, in the very next moment, his inner self whispered to him, ‘not anymore’. So much time had gone by and maybe Shilpi’s heart had reconciled itself. Ashish did not think it right to meet her again and rake up old memories. “Alright aunty, I take your leave now,” Ashish said, pressing her hands mildly. “Any message for Shilpi when she comes here again?” Shilpi’s mother asked, looking at him eagerly. “No aunty, no messages. And never tell her that I was here, either,” Ashish said looking at the mango tree. “But why?’ “Because time does not permit it now. God knows how long it might have taken her to heal those wounds. It is not right to open them up again,” Wiping her eyes with the end of her sari, Shilpi’s mother said, “Well, wait a bit.” Bringing a bag inside, she held it in front of Ashish. Looking at the bag, the same old figures started hovering around his eyes. Ashish saw the same fifteen year old Shilpi standing with the bag in her hand. But still, he asked, “What is inside it?” “There are some mangoes.” “But I can’t take these,” Ashish said with a made up smile. “Why? You liked them a lot, didn’t you? Shilpi also never ate them. You must take them,” Shilpi’s mother begged. “No.” “But why?” “Because I have never eaten these mangoes alone. Whenever I have, I have eaten them with my childhood companion.” At the sight of such a loving friendship Shilpi’s mother’s heart filled with unbearable pain. Ashish was lost into nothingness. He did not wish to improve his mood. But it started raining again, and Ashish moved back into the room, picking up the chair. The sound of laughter and splashing puddles rang in his ears. He remembered the sound from his playful childhood companion. But he did not turn to look back. He did not want to face the reality.