Had Court Today, Have You Gone Through Something Like This?
By Sandy KS
@rusty2rusty (6763)
Defiance, Ohio
April 11, 2017 5:17pm CST
The other day I wrote a post about the wedding being off because something bad happened. I didn't go into detail but if you followed along the thread, you could figure out what happened. My ex-fiance was charged with sexual battery as a parent or guardian. I feel safe to talk about here because none of my family or real life friends are connected here.
Today makes it a week since I found out and reported to the police. Today, my daughter was summoned to court. She had to talk to the prosecuting attorney and answer some questions. Today, was to see if we were going to proceed to trail. While my daughter was in the courtroom answering questions. I was in another room with my mother and sister talking with the deputy in charge. He said he doesn't think he will try to take it trail because, with the video they got, he would be crucified in court. Hopefully all this will be over soon.
After we got home my daughter had a meltdown with her brother. I had to remind her that he is not the one you are angry at. He doesn't deserved to be screamed at. Many tears and hugs later she has calmed down.
I still haven't processed everything in my own head because I have to be strong for my daughter. I remind her daily that she has down nothing wrong, I do not blame her, she is the child, she was taken advantage of by a predator. We were both used, betrayed, and lied too.
Have you ever had to go through something of this type of nature?
6 people like this
6 responses
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
12 Apr 17
OMG!
I am so proud of you and your daughter for what you're doing!
I went through a similar experience as a child, but my mother didn't believe me when I told her. She chose the man over me. It happened three times. Once with my uncle, with an older boy that lived with us (son of a roommate) for 4 years, then with my mother's boyfriend. She never believed me.
It takes a lot of courage and a lot of strength to make the choice your making.
I feel terrible for what happened to your daughter. In my opinion it's the worst and most sickening thing that could be done to someone.. it takes away their dignity. It's shameful, humiliating, painful, traumatizing. Having to relive it over and over to tell the judge and police only makes it worse.
But I am proud of you for taking a stand. You were faced with a tough decision, but you made the right one! You're putting your daughter first.. good for you!
It will all be over soon, and then the healing process can begin.
1 person likes this
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
12 Apr 17
I am sorry this happened to you.
Yes, I believe my daughter. I came across a video when an amber alert went off. I found a phone he plays games through wifi on stuck in the side of the couch under the cushion. Sound was off but Amber Alerts still sound off when sound is turned off. He tried to deny it and say it was his brother. She clearly said his name twice. I called the police. It took everything I had to act calm and let him think he was smarter than me. As he was picked up pretty quickly.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
12 Apr 17
@rusty2rusty what a horrible thing for you all to go through. I don't think I could have stayed calm in that situation.
1 person likes this
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
12 Apr 17
@katsmeow1213 I didn't think I could either. Yet, I managed to do so. I did it because I knew if I didn't he would have walked and not been put in jail. If he did it to my daughter, he would do it to another. I couldn't allow that to happen.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
11 Apr 17
What a horrible thing. I was molested as a child by an uncle. I ran out of the barn before anything too bad happened but I never spoke to him again. I was 7. Today I feel so frustrated because it seems it's no longer "can I prevent my granddaughter being molested" but "when will it happen and how do I help her?".
I never talked about my experience with anyone until I was an adult and then found out every girl and woman in the family had the same experience. I hope you'll find a way to talk to your daughter and let her express how she feels. You're so right to tell her it's not her fault. Some people are just evil and should be wiped off the earth.
1 person likes this
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
11 Apr 17
To be honest I don't want to hear about the details. There are things she has opened up about already that make me sick. I don't wish to hear it. Don't get me wrong I love my daughter and will support her in every way I can. I cry every night after she goes to bed or when she is at school. That way she doesn't see me crying. Tomorrow she will be talking to someone who has been through this with a lady that goes to my niece's church. Her counseling/therapy doesn't start til the 18th.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
12 Apr 17
@rusty2rusty That's good and I completely understand. If I'd had a daughter I would not be able to bear hearing the details. One of my sons was molested by one of his friends and I did not learn about it till he was an adult. He did not go into detail but just knowing it happened makes me cringe inside and I keep blaming myself for not knowing. There was no way I could have known, I know that and he's told me that, but I still feel that I failed him. If you feel that way please seek counseling yourself. I wish your family many blessings.
1 person likes this
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
12 Apr 17
@dragon54u I do feel that way. How could I not? I am her mom and suppose to protect her from things like that. I know I shouldn't feel this way but she is my baby. My youngest.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
12 Apr 17
Oh my goodness that is awful, I'm so sorry to both you and your daughter. =( I have been through being sexually abused, it took me a while to tell anyone. My parents were mad when they found out since I didn't tell them sooner. It's something that you feel ashamed of and guilty for even being the victim.
1 person likes this
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
12 Apr 17
I am angry but not at her. I am more hurt she didn't trust me enough to tell me. I understand why she didn't.
@PatZAnthony (14749)
• Charlotte, North Carolina
22 Apr 17
You will probably always have a hard time processing this. So sorry your daughter has to deal with all of this.
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
12 Apr 17
@Courtlynn Thank you, I may take you up on that offer soon.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (67085)
• United States
12 Apr 17
@rusty2rusty message me if you ever need to talk to someone who's not close to the situation
1 person likes this
@Happy2BeMe (99380)
• Canada
15 Apr 17
I am so sorry to read this. That is just terrible. I am so sorry this happened to your daughter especially by somebody you loved and trusted around your child. 
1 person likes this
@rusty2rusty (6763)
• Defiance, Ohio
15 Apr 17
Thank you, I am having a hard time dealing with it. I blame myself for not noticing. I was with for five years. I guess she said it has been happening for about two years.
@Happy2BeMe (99380)
• Canada
15 Apr 17
@rusty2rusty I am sure he was very careful about covering it up so you wouldn't notice. You trusted him so that wouldn't have even been a thought. I guess you just never know. Glad he did find out and he is being charged.
1 person likes this
