Relationships
By Sissy15
@sissy15 (12304)
United States
April 22, 2017 1:03am CST
I remember at my last therapy appointment my therapist asked me how long I had been with my boyfriend and when I told her 8 years she acted shocked. She told me that's rare anymore, that most people don't last more than a few years. Sadly, she's right.
People are so quick to give up anymore. I mean clearly sometimes it is the right thing to do and some people don't take the decision lightly but then there are those who leave the second something doesn't go as planned or when they don't feel like they felt in the beginning. The truth is that as a relationship matures you do lose that new in love feeling but it's replaced with something more stable and if you ask me something better.
I don't miss not knowing where I stood or being so careful not to mess things up by saying something stupid. I don't get how some people just walk away so easily. I have noticed people are so quick to say they love someone when they barely know them.
When I commit to someone I commit. I am a serial monogamist, it just takes me too long to get completely comfortable with someone and it takes me forever to open up to someone. Relationships take a lot of work and investment to make work. They aren't a walk in the park. I would never be able to cheat on my boyfriend and honestly, if you ask me cheating would take too much effort and doesn't seem worth it to me.
I don't get how people can claim they love someone so much and then cheat on them. I always figured if you want to cheat you are better off just leaving someone and letting that person find someone who loves them enough, to be honest with them. I get people aren't perfect and we all make stupid mistakes and I do my best not to judge even if I don't personally understand it.
I don't foresee myself ever leaving my boyfriend, we've had our share of ups and downs but we've worked our way through most of them and continue to work through some of them. If I ever did leave him I don't know that I'd even want another relationship. It's just too much opening up to someone else and putting in all of that work all over again, not to mention if that were the case my main concern would be raising my son.
I know everyone deals with relationships in their own way but I do think it's sad that more people don't stay together anymore. It's rare to see a couple stay together forever but it's nice to see when it does happen.
7 people like this
9 responses
@melissa1024 (2456)
• Beckley, West Virginia
22 Apr 17
I agree you don't see many people stay together long anymore. My husband and I have been married for 15 years and together for 17 years first marriages for both of us. When people ask and we tell them we get those strange looks also. I have friends that have been married three and four times already and I am like what do you do think marriage or commitment is just when thing are going your way?
I think the key to a good and lasting relationship is communication. Also, my husband and I both agree we married for life, neither one of us believe in divorce or cheating on our partner.
2 people like this
@sissy15 (12304)
• United States
22 Apr 17
@melissa1024 Sad but true. A relationship is work and some people think if it's not easy then it's not worth having.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12304)
• United States
22 Apr 17
I am in it for the long haul married or not. When I commit to someone I commit. It's good to know that some people are the same way, it seems we are a dying breed. I like hearing how some people still make it work years down the road. My boyfriend is my first real serious relationship but I'm not his. I know he is difficult to deal with and I think most women weren't willing to put up with him. He told me I'm the only one who has put up with him and helped him instead of casting him to the side. I mean when you love someone you try to help them not just throw them to the side when things get hard. Since I've been with him he's been able to reconnect with his mom and start making progress with his kids who he hasn't seen in years, but it's not because of me it's because he wanted to and he tried but I at least supported him which is something he didn't have before. People would rather call it quits than actually work and support each other.
2 people like this
@melissa1024 (2456)
• Beckley, West Virginia
22 Apr 17
@sissy15 Exactly. That's how it should be. I am married by choice but we did live together for awhile before we did got married. Too many people now days regardless of wether it is just boyfriend/ girlfriend, live in, or married don't stick to it. They just want the good not the bad. And that's what it's all about the good and bad. You are right you have to support one another. But communication and trust are important factors there too. Along with faithfulness. Too many people do not understand or realise this.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12304)
• United States
22 Apr 17
I think we live in a world where we romanticize things and we confuse lust for love. People think that love is all rainbows and butterflies and it's not. Sometimes relationships are easy but then you go through rough patches. People just want to love when it's convenient when it gets hard they want to walk away. I mean if you really love someone you'd want to make it work if it's possible.
3 people like this
@sissy15 (12304)
• United States
22 Apr 17
@dodo19 I don't think television, books, and other various outlets help with this matter. It doesn't give the real picture of what love is. I know how much most little girls love those princess movies and that's where they start getting their first real misconception of what love is. I never cared for those movies as a kid but my mom tried to get me into them, maybe that's why I had a more real perspective of what love is. My parents are divorced and I remember my mom trying to make that work when she shouldn't have but at least she tried but she did it for the wrong reasons. She did it for my brother and me. She told me she never really loved any of her husbands which is sad. She never found a guy she actually wanted to love and she was never really willing to give herself to a man and I think that's where she failed that and her husbands were all either liars, drunks, or cheaters.
1 person likes this
@luisadannointed (6308)
• Philippines
22 Apr 17
I think you are right.
And I think it is not only lack of maturity that makes them leave each other, but it is always saying yes without thinking, getting in a relationship should need a better thinking... Specially if they can really see their future with that person forever.
And yes commitment is a must. Love is not a feeling it is a commitment to always stay true with that person. It doesn't matter if you don't feel anything IU ng anymore because the emotions runs dry... But it is the commitment that will makes the heart keep on pu. Ping and loving that person no matter what.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12304)
• United States
22 Apr 17
It takes a lot of commitment and I don't think people realize this. Like you said they really don't think they just kind of jump into things and think they'll work themselves out and if you're both not using your head as much as your heart then it's not going to work out.
1 person likes this
@shivamani10 (11035)
• Hyderabad, India
22 Apr 17
Yes. You are keeping your relationship.l This is nice.
2 people like this
@MonaLove (111)
•
22 Apr 17
A few months ago, my boyfriend and I had a tough time. He told me we should be less serious or take a break. We decided to talk about it but by the time we got a chance to, our relationship was already getting better. There are so many ups and some downs in relationships, we just have to not give up. I think people who give up aren't serious in the relationship anyway.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12304)
• United States
22 Apr 17
I can't count how many ups and downs my boyfriend and I have had. He's super difficult to deal with at times and I know I'm no picnic but we love each other enough to keep working on it. I think you're right if you can walk away that easily then you were never really serious about it, to begin with.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12304)
• United States
22 Apr 17
@MonaLove Well, my boyfriend is my first real relationship and we've been together 8 years. We didn't tell each other we loved each other until 3 months in. People get so carried away in lust and they confuse it for love and think they're in love but they're not. They just enjoy that new feeling you get. Personally, I like being comfortable around my boyfriend. I don't feel like I have to watch my every move and I like it like that.
1 person likes this
@MonaLove (111)
•
22 Apr 17
@sissy15 yeah exactly! and people who say they love someone too soon are also not serious either I think. This is the first serious relationship I have had. He is also the first guy who didn't tell me he loved me straight away, and didn't tell me about wanting to get married and all that you know? The ones who told me that didn't last long.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
23 Apr 17
I think its sad too that people don't give relationships their all. Some people do though and it still doesn't work-you just never know I guess.
My husband and I have been married for 12 years today, together for 13 years. =) People are shocked that a "younger" couple has been together as long as we have.
@sissy15 (12304)
• United States
24 Apr 17
Yeah, that's pretty good. I have only been with my boyfriend for 8 years thus far but I didn't think it was that big of a deal but I guess in today's society it is. We got together when I was 21 almost 22. It would take a heck of a lot to make me leave him and that's saying quite a bit because we've already been through a lot. It seems our entire relationship has been full of struggles. I feel like it's worth it, though. I do know couples who have been together for 10 plus year that call it quits after so many years especially those that were high school sweethearts and I think I can understand that to a degree.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
24 Apr 17
@sissy15 Your relationship sounds a lot like ours. We have always struggled financially, we have been homeless a few times together with our children, I have had 2 miscarriages, we have moved 39 times in the 13 years we have been together, and we have 5 children to worry about every day. We have been through it all. But through it all we just keep getting stronger. =) God must think we are pretty darn strong! Lol
@sishy7 (27167)
• Australia
22 Apr 17
Sometimes even after being together for so long, like 10 to 20 years or even more, couples still split for one reason or another. I find that hard to understand, but I also know there may really be a good reason that justify ending the relationship is better.
@sissy15 (12304)
• United States
22 Apr 17
Yeah, that does seem insane to me, because they stuck together so long and it makes you wonder what it took to break that up? You're right though the reason is probably a lot more justifiable because they clearly worked on in for a long time. I've known people who split after many years together. I think sometimes it's a last straw kind of thing, they dealt with something for as long as they could and they just can't take it anymore and want to enjoy the rest of their life.
1 person likes this
