Sitting here thinking

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How messed up my life has come to be. Like all of us we have dreams. My dream was to Marry the love of my life and have kids with him but that didn't happen. I have known this man for 33 years. He was my first love first kiss and everything else first. Things changed and I ended up having lost contact with him after he went to Jail for something stupid. So needless to say I had to kids with someone else and than I found him again and of course I was still in love with this man. We ended up getting back together. I became pregnant and ended up having a miscarriage which was probably for the better seeing we had just gotten back together. So we had waited 4 years and had a healthy baby boy. To sum it up we ended up splinting up 1 1/2 years later. I moved out but he continued to come see me and his son and stay asking me to have another kid with him. I refused because if I was going to have another kid I would want our relationship to work and I didn't see it happening. So he quit coming around and I fell in love with someone else and around 2004 he found out he had cancer and asked me to marry him and I said no because we were not even seeing each other. He wanted to make sure I was taken care of if something happened to him. Now the guy I was with we went on to have a good life together but he is now in Heaven. I am again back seeing the love of my life and he isn't very thoughtful of my medical problems which I have a lot to many to list he thinks I should be wonder woman. That isn't going to happen from this woman. Well what are you thinking about right now?