Can young children have "gender identity issues"?
By The Horse
@TheHorse (220275)
Walnut Creek, California
May 28, 2017 1:58pm CST
I have a friend whose granddaughter wants to be a boy. She's a pretty 7-year-old girl, but she likes doing boy things, insists on running around without a shirt on, and recently got her hair cut short, so she looks like a boy.
Yesterday, at a party for her other grandparents' 50th Wedding Anniversary, my friend and I played music, along with another band mate. My friend's granddaughter was there, along with her two sibs and her parents, and I wound up playing football catch with her and her two (male) cousins during breaks.
To me, she just seems like a happy tomboy kid. But in this day and age, we talk of "gender identity issues" when people act in ways that are more typical of their non-biological sex. This little girl's parents are pretty liberal, and let her "express herself," but I've heard that there are some issues at school, though I don't know exactly what those issues are.
Would you be troubled if one of your kids preferred activities that are more typical of the opposite sex? Do you think you children can even have "gender identity issues"?
(The kids in the photo are two of my former kid clients, not the little girl I'm writing about.)
26 people like this
25 responses
@teamfreak16 (43418)
• Denver, Colorado
28 May 17
I, being someone who never wanted kids, would figure that, like being gay, it's not a choice and let them do whatever comes natural.
5 people like this
@teamfreak16 (43418)
• Denver, Colorado
29 May 17
@TheHorse - Of course, I have zero parenting skills, but that's what I'd do.
2 people like this
@MaiteMaite (124)
• Lahore, Pakistan
6 Jul 17
Scott Ganschow @teamfreak16 (27016) • Manitou Springs, Colorado I sometimes wonder that being gay or lesbian is not a choice. Is it backed by some science.
3 people like this
@1creekgirl (41752)
• United States
28 May 17
I think it's foolish to even expect young kids to really understand what gender they are.They're just themselves, whether they have different qualities and interests or not.
3 people like this
@1creekgirl (41752)
• United States
28 May 17
@TheHorse Right. Just let them be who they are.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (220275)
• Walnut Creek, California
28 May 17
@1creekgirl I admit to being ambivalent about the tranny thing in adulthood. I think we should ALL accept who we were, even in we're a gay male trapped in a woman's body, or whatever.
2 people like this
@MaiteMaite (124)
• Lahore, Pakistan
6 Jul 17
Alfredo Rossi @amadeo (36817) • United States It is not necessary that she becomes gay but sometimes girls become tomboys in Asian cultures because of the favors that boys enjoy in a society.
@MaiteMaite (124)
• Lahore, Pakistan
6 Jul 17
@TheHorse Yeah if she is happy this seems healthy and positive but sometimes emotional or psychological issues accompany a tomboy and that is a bad signal.
@PainsOnSlate (21852)
• Canada
28 May 17
Who knows if they can have gender identity issues? I think children go through all sorts of phases as they grow into what ever it is they grow into. I certainly would not be concerned at the age of 7. At 7, I was playing with the boys and was a "tom boy" (girl).
I didn't know what femininity was until I was in my teens. My best friends were boys but in my neighborhood I was the only girl....
2 people like this
@PainsOnSlate (21852)
• Canada
6 Jul 17
@MaiteMaite I grew up in the States and moved to Canada as an adult, My cilldren grew up in both countries and I believe all children are innocent and natural. what they chose to be as adults is their choices.
1 person likes this
@MaiteMaite (124)
• Lahore, Pakistan
6 Jul 17
PaintsOnSlate @PainsOnSlate (18021) • Canada Children are innocent and natural. Let them express themselves with freedom and space.
1 person likes this
@MaiteMaite (124)
• Lahore, Pakistan
6 Jul 17
DianneN @DianneN (45594) • United States Yes it could be a faze but it could be a real desire to be a boy. Yeah time will tell.
2 people like this
@fishtiger58 (29820)
• Momence, Illinois
29 May 17
I find it hard to believe or understand how a child that young knows they are really the opposite gender. I was a tomboy when I was a little girl as well. Doesn't mean I want to cut things off and such to become and live the rest of my life as the opposite gender then what I was born as.
3 people like this
@TheHorse (220275)
• Walnut Creek, California
9 Oct 17
@MaiteMaite I'm sure hormones play at least some role.
1 person likes this
@MaiteMaite (124)
• Lahore, Pakistan
6 Jul 17
fishtiger58 @fishtiger58 (27170) • Momence, Illinois Yes it seems strange but I think there can be some role of biology and hormones though not certain.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (168334)
• Boise, Idaho
28 May 17
All my girls were tomboys. I wouldn't have a problem with it if it made them happy. I have seen on one of the cable stations where a young person became transgender. I think it is healthy instead of trying to be what others think you should be. I have heard of some that were born with both genitalia too and their parents chose for them. I think that is horrible. Why not wait and give them a few years to figure out what they are for sure instead of just choosing for them. Kids need to have some chose in it all. It is their lives after all.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (168334)
• Boise, Idaho
6 Jul 17
@MaiteMaite ......I certainly think so. It's their lives.
@MaiteMaite (124)
• Lahore, Pakistan
6 Jul 17
deleriousinIdaho51 @celticeagle (105333) • Boise, Idaho All tomboys interesting? Can it be genetic? Nice thoughts but heard it the first time about both genitalia. Yes, they must have the right to choose.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100604)
• India
8 Oct 17
@TheHorse .. No. As a child, I hardly got my father's attention. It was always others kids that had his attention. Before I knew I was in hostels..six is not an age to be in hostels, in my opinion, but it was the best option for me. He paid my education bills. He paid for my food clothing shelter and medicines Even beyond the age of majority till I got the foothold. He looked after me when I had chicken pox, and tuberculosis. He stitched my clothes, and did as much as he could to make me feel better. Would have been a difficult choice and I can't thank that other person enough for not forcing me to take a call, if what they said is true. This is where DE and Pretty lead a life similar to me. Most people here walk out on children. I know of two cases in close quarters. I am grateful to both ends of the story.
@carebear29 (31970)
• Wausau, Wisconsin
29 May 17
i think its okay. some people realize their gender early in age
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (220275)
• Walnut Creek, California
31 May 17
@carebear29 I just hope this little girl stays happy. I look forward to playing football catch with her again.
1 person likes this
@paigea (36315)
• Canada
30 May 17
I had a student who was determined she was a boy in grade 3. Lots of boys and girls like the same games at that age but she was determined to BE a boy. In my mind she was a boy too, as she just presented herself as a boy, grouped herself with boys, dressed like them, etc. I forced myself to see her as a girl; and if I mentioned her to other students I would say "she". They would correct me and say "He!" They all saw her as a boy. And I would explain she was a girl. Just matter of fact, - "She's a she." and move on. This was before this sort of thing was ever discussed. I wish I could go back and maybe handle things differently.
1 person likes this
@jnesperos (269)
• Davao, Philippines
29 May 17
Oh she's having an identity crisis( I've learned in my lesson before?) yes I do have some friends that are having such issues and I think there's nothing bad from that because that's what she wants and that's what she loves, but some let we say tomboys don't know their limitations, and even attempted to kill one's life. In your friends case I can say that we're not having any problem with what she's been doing, she could've been so happy doing that
1 person likes this
@jnesperos (269)
• Davao, Philippines
29 May 17
@TheHorse yeah being tomboy doesn't even matters to me, coz what really matters is the personality and how he or she handles things, how is she moving and her way of living life
@FourWalls (69033)
• United States
29 May 17
My brother wanted a brother, so when he got a sister instead he set out to make me a tomboy. I love things that are traditionally "guy things" (sports in particular, and when I was younger I worked on my car and changed my own oil...but so did my mom in the 1940s!), but I don't wan to be a man just because I love baseball.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (472078)
• Switzerland
29 May 17
I know how much I hated when my Mom used to choose what I had to dress. I had not a gender identity issue, I simply disliked the too conservative dresses she bought for me. That said, I think that children need freedom. They have time to decide what to do in life and forcing them is never a good option.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (220275)
• Walnut Creek, California
29 May 17
I didn't care for the clothes my parents chose for me when I was little. At a certain point, I went for jeans (which became torn jeans), a t-shirt, and sneakers. That's been my fashion statement pretty much every since, though I wear shorts a lot on California.
1 person likes this
@sallypup (61643)
• Centralia, Washington
29 May 17
Little girls are too penned down; too encouraged to sit quietly and play with their dollies. Little girls can be active and should be, playing with trucks and running around, engaging their minds instead of just doing what is considered normal. I have never bought into emulating celebrities and pancaking my face with make up and for sure can not stand high heels- they will kill your back quickly. Who decided a boy does not have to cover up his upper body but a girl does? Who decided that a girl should not climb trees?
1 person likes this
@lovebuglena (44721)
• Staten Island, New York
29 May 17
There are enough girls who are tomboys... They are into manly sports and prefer to wear pants as opposed to dresses and skirts... But that doesn't mean they want to be boys or identify themselves as such...
1 person likes this
@Tierkreisze (1609)
• Philippines
1 Jun 17
Based on what you wrote, she could pass the DSM 5 criteria for Gender Dysphoria in Children, given that this has been occurring for at least 6 months and if this was the cause of her issues at school.
1 person likes this
@Ashutray (85)
• Kanpur, India
29 May 17
It happens with children...it depends on people around them and how they deal with girl or boy...if they treat boy well and girl worse than a girl would like to be a boy and if they treat a girl well and boy worse than boy would like to be a girl... children absorbs things around them... especially from their parents.
1 person likes this
