Just When You Think They Have a Chance, the Dark Cloud Hovers Over Again
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
United States
June 26, 2017 5:09am CST
My heart is so heavy and I cannot function well these days. My stress level is maxed out at the moment.
I pondered posting this discussion because I need no negativity. However, I need to get it off my chest. They say it is better to let it out than to keep it in.
Over a month ago, my daughter accepted treatment for her addictions and was in a 28 day program. When she came out, it seemed as if she was finally enlightened and had the tools she needed to succeed in staying clean.
That lasted for about a week. She had moved out of town to live with her aunt. This was a good plan for her. She says she was bored there and came back to town. Unfortunately, she sought the company of her so called "friends" and the dark cloud reappeared.
I am not certain when she actually began using again, I can only assume. She missed a status hearing at court. Lashed out at me because of it. Her words were short, but filled with venom.
At this point I am not sure where she is. She avoids my calls and text messages. Posts on Facebook tell me that she is still seeking the company of people whom I know are not good influences.
I pray that she comes around again and can get help. Sometimes it takes several attempts with rehab in order for it to actually take hold. I hope she gets help before something tragic happens. I couldn't deal with that kind of pain.
Thank you for reading. Prayers and positive vibes are much appreciated for my daughter.
26 people like this
23 responses
@Juliaacv (51485)
• Canada
26 Jun 17
I am so sorry for you and for your daughter.
I know that you are correct in the fact that for some it can take more then 1 attempt, and it isn't just wrapping their head around doing without the habit, but the association in which they used it. And sometimes that means starting all over again somewhere that they don't have any "friends" so that they can establish themselves as a clean person.
As a Mom we want what is best for our children, but when they hurt us like this, its hard. I'll keep you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers.
5 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
26 Jun 17
Thank you. She does have friends who are clean and sober and live good lives. She has distanced herself from them. Doubtful she can be friends with them again until she is clean herself.
Thank you for your prayers. They are much appreciated.
3 people like this
@Juliaacv (51485)
• Canada
26 Jun 17
@ElusiveButterfly You're such an understanding parent, that will surely help her immensely.
3 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
26 Jun 17
@Juliaacv we have been through this many times with not only her, but her siblings as well.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
26 Jun 17
Thank you Dominique. I pray that she will find the way back into the light.
2 people like this
@dodo19 (47336)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
26 Jun 17
@ElusiveButterfly I hope so too. This is definitely not good for anyone.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
26 Jun 17
@dodo19 her actions cause heartache and anguish to many.
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (472004)
• Switzerland
26 Jun 17
I am very sorry, to succeed she needs not to meet again those so called friends. This is what I have heard from people trying to stop. I imagine how bad you can feel right not, she is your daughter and you can do nothing to help. I am keeping you and your daughter in my thoughts.
2 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
26 Jun 17
Thank you Anna. I hope she can get through this.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
28 Jun 17
@LadyDuck time will tell. She has so much to live for.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (472004)
• Switzerland
27 Jun 17
@ElusiveButterfly I sincerely hope she can get out of this bad situation.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
26 Jun 17
Thank you. It does shake you to your core. You'd think that after 10+ years of this hell that I would be numb to it all. But when a child is left hanging in the balance, I can't do it.
1 person likes this
@Marilynda1225 (83074)
• United States
26 Jun 17
That is so sad to hear and I certainly will add your daughter to my prayers for recovery.
2 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
26 Jun 17
Thank you Marilyn. I wish she could stay away from those that influence her to do these things.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
26 Jun 17
@Marilynda1225 it will take some soul searching for her to realize this.
@Marilynda1225 (83074)
• United States
26 Jun 17
@ElusiveButterfly gotta keep the faith. Hopefully she'll realize what a bad influence these people are and aren't true friends
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
26 Jun 17
Rehab will work if she stays away from the ones who influence her decisions.
@popciclecold (39475)
• United States
26 Jun 17
So sorry to hear this, prsyers for you.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (182000)
• United States
27 Jun 17
Oh that is so heartbreaking. I guess all you can do at this point is let her know you are there for her..hugs..my son used to be a "pothead" I sent him to a program..and he did stop doing it., It isn't that it is so terrible, he was just too young..it changes their brain chemistry.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
26 Jun 17
Most insurances only cover 28 days at the most. To me this is just a bandaid and not a solution to the problem.
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
26 Jun 17
It's unfortunate, but.... there is often a long path of stumbles before someone truly walks away, as you say. I'm sorry this one wasn't the one that took.
2 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
26 Jun 17
This is her second time in rehab. The first was many years ago. This one was one I had hoped would work for her.
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
28 Jun 17
@ElusiveButterfly I know, and it's super crappy it didnt.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (67081)
• United States
26 Jun 17
I hope she gets the help she needs before its too late.
Positive vibes being sent.
2 people like this
@spiderdust (14760)
• San Jose, California
26 Jun 17
I'm so sorry. I'm going through some similar stuff, as my 18 year old daughter ran away from home in December and has been living on the streets. It's heartbreaking, especially when there's nothing that we can do and have to just watch someone wrecking their life.
It's been hard for me to talk about it too. I totally understand. My thoughts are going towards you as well as your daughter, because we moms need that strength to get through this too.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
26 Jun 17
Big hugs to you lady. I hope your daughter comes to her senses and comes home.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
27 Jun 17
@spiderdust my daughter left the nest on her 17th birthday. I too thought she would come back when times got rough. She didn't. They must learn to live on their own. We can only hope that they will be safe and healthy.
@spiderdust (14760)
• San Jose, California
27 Jun 17
@ElusiveButterfly I don't know that she will, at least not for a long time. I used to think she'd come back when it got hard, but she didn't.
She also claims that she got married last week, although it sounds like they (thankfully) don't have a marriage license and nothing is legal.
1 person likes this
@diosabella (4789)
•
26 Jun 17
Sometimes people we love push as away. They think that we don't understand them but we actually do. Maybe its time the she gets responsible for her self. Maybe she thinks that your always there to bail her out. And your a good mom, you never treated her less. I will pray that she will stick to a better life soon.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
26 Jun 17
She knows I am not going to bail her out. I always offer a hand up, but never a hand out.
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (61102)
• United States
27 Jun 17
I am sending a hug and hope, my nephew had to shake his addiction and it took really hitting rock bottom for him to get there. He has now been clean for 5 years and totally reshaped his life, went back to school and became the man we always knew he could be. He isn't a child, he is 44. But, until your daughter is ready, it will never work. Just keep loving her and don't let her venom push you away. You can't change her but you are saving her daughter, I will pray for you all.
@DianneN (247186)
• United States
27 Jun 17
I am so sorry, and as a parent, understand your pain for her. Hopefully, she will get her act together sooner than later, but only she can make that decision, and only when she is ready. I will keep her and you in my prayers. Giant hugs to you. We are here to listen.
@JudyEv (341826)
• Rockingham, Australia
27 Jun 17
I am so, so very sorry you are going through this trauma with your daughter. I'm glad you wrote about it. I am more and more of the opinion that this site must be so helpful to people who can't/don't want to confide in 'real' people/friends/relatives about some issues. I do hope that just writing about it has helped. Sending prayers, good vibes and hugs to you.
@andriaperry (117138)
• Anniston, Alabama
27 Jun 17
I agree she does not need the same friends.
Hugs to you!
@Hannihar (130213)
• Israel
27 Jun 17
You needed to get it off your chest and I am sure there are those here can understand or relate to that. I was married to a violent achoholic and he lied so so much that I did not believe him. I went to alanon to take care of my animals and myself and then wanted a divorce but had to wait two more years for him to give it to me. Addicts are very hard to be around. While I was reading this and came to the part where she got bored living with her Aunt and wanted to come back and knew what was going to happen. It is very sad and and my heart goes out to you and your family. I am a food addict. I realized that diets were never the answer for me. I discovered here in Israel Overeaters Anonymous and after one person spoke I realized what I had to do. I started doing it but then I discovered I could not live without food. I really truly hope that you can take care of yourself. Take care of yourself and I am very sorry and it was good of you to take the chance to share it with us here. There will be people that understand what you are saying here.
