What things put stress on marriages and other romantic relationships?
By The Horse
@TheHorse (220646)
Walnut Creek, California
June 29, 2017 11:17am CST
When Vanny and I divorced, TMZ and other internet gossip sites were all abuzz. Was there infidelity involved? Did The Horse learn Mandarin instead of Hindi? Did Vanny's father only offer The Horse 100 goats to take her?
Actually, it was because of the stupid cartoon chickens she wanted to use on some of his songs, which she helps The Horse post to YouTube. Our divorce got me to thinking about things that put stress on relationships.
One that comes to mind for me is finances. I've had so many couple friends argue over money. Why are you spending so much on guitars? Do we really need to landscape the back yard? And so on.
One funny test of a relationship for me was river rafting. My (then) girlfriend and I were in a two-person "ducky" while rafting with her family. When we hit a rock and "swam," I rescued...her paddle...then I went after her.
I heard about it for a long time, but it was good-natured, and our relationship survived the river rafting trip.
What do you think puts the greatest strain on relationships? Is it money? Crazy in-laws? Differences in values that emerge over time? Leaning something you hadn't known before? I'm curious!
18 people like this
19 responses
@Tampa_girl7 (50716)
• United States
29 Jun 17
A wandering eye or an outright act of betrayal would be a major problem
3 people like this
@Tampa_girl7 (50716)
• United States
29 Jun 17
@TheHorse how about ones mate tuning them out. Acting as though they heard what you said and giving an answer that lets you know they weren't paying you any attention 
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
29 Jun 17
I think money is the biggest one. The next biggest strain is being too "comfortable" in the relationship. When you no longer try to make the other person happy because your married and you don't have to, things become harder in the marriage.
2 people like this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
29 Jun 17
@TheHorse Absolutely. Once the honeymoon stage is over life gets real and difficult but the fire has to keep burning.
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (472222)
• Switzerland
29 Jun 17
Religion is not our problem, we are not of the same religion and this never caused an argument. My husband spend in things that I not always approve, but until this does not cause financial problems, it's okay for me. The only thing that would make me mad it was to know he is not faithful. This is something I could not accept.
2 people like this
@AbbyGreenhill (45494)
• United States
30 Jun 17
My first marriage - well, I can't blame it on money. I blame it on many other things. He was boring, oh so boring. He was also not handy so buying a 100 year old home was dumb! I was over 200 pounds at one point and went down to 110 and he wanted me to gain the weight back - that was the final straw.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45494)
• United States
30 Jun 17
@TheHorse This is what I mean by boring - when my attorney told me to get a list from him of what he wanted from the home...here is what he listed:
. His Victory at Sea records
. His bike
. A bookcase he made in shop class
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (220646)
• Walnut Creek, California
30 Jun 17
@AbbyGreenhill Heh. Well, at least he's not overly demanding. Did you challenge the Victory at Sea records?
@TheHorse (220646)
• Walnut Creek, California
30 Jun 17
Boring is one of my nemeses. When someone has answers but no questions, I find them boring. I could explain that better. For every answer, I find a new question. I like being around people who think that way too. It keeps the conversation--and the relationship--going.
@Hannihar (130213)
• Israel
5 Jan 18
I have seen many marriages or relationships end in divorce like mine because not only of money but for my marriage we married for the wrong reasons and never should have gotten married in the first place. People also end marriages because of age and maybe one person is more religious than the other one.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (168721)
• Boise, Idaho
30 Jun 17
If people actually talk and communicate their feelings before they commit to one another there shouldn't be a lot of stressors in a relationship.Finances and big changes can be though.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (168721)
• Boise, Idaho
30 Jun 17
@vandana7 .....Yes, indeed. That would save a lot of uncomfortable experiences later on. I do agree.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100671)
• India
30 Jun 17
@TheHorse ..It would be a lie to think finances don't matter when love exists. But I think the way they are to be handled should be discussed at the outset, when dating and people should observe the needs and attitudes towards monies as well as others while dating. Most people hesitate to talk monies..which is weird. And many don't plan for contingencies like medical emergencies and job loss, which need to be thought of. When I started planning, some expenses such as property taxes, building maintenance, guests and gifts, entertainment and travel, medical insurances were not included. They got added subsequently with guidance from more experienced folks. People should be taught how to make personal budgets that could be the solution to the break ups because of financial disputes.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100671)
• India
29 Jun 17
..waitooooo I am filing a case for hefty alimony...
I have no problems with roving eye, no problem with snoring...I need mutual respect, and I need a person who can be soft spoken and considerate and caring for everybody..wise ..no beating, speaking harshly, and all that stuff...and yes, no idling, gambling, addictions...enough of those in my family..no to pedophiles either..the list is too long. LOL1 person likes this
@DWDavis (25805)
• United States
30 Jun 17
Research shows it's money. I avoid that by letting my wife handle the finances and agreeing with her about generally all spending decisions, because I honestly care only that we can pay our bills and go out to eat once in a while, as well as camp often.
I've seen friends marriages break up due to interference by in-laws, infidelity, and sobriety.
re: that last one. He got married on a bender, and when he sobered up, it was like that Allen Jackson song. The marriage fell apart quickly.
Alan Jackson's official music video for 'I Don't Even Know Your Name'. Click to listen to Alan Jackson on Spotify: http://smarturl.it/AJacksonSpot?IQid=AlanJ...
1 person likes this
@CookieMonster46 (13454)
• United States
30 Jun 17
The inlaws for sure always demanding and complicating things. I think the fact that he was in a job where there were younger guys around encouraging him to cheat, and trying to act young was another problem.. You get comfortable in your relationship and don't notice the other person is looking around.. why would you...
1 person likes this
@Marilynda1225 (83176)
• United States
29 Jun 17
For me it was an extremely interfering mother in law who made our life miserable. My ex packed his bags and went back to his mom after 15 years of marriage leaving me with 4 kids to raise alone. It turned out to be the best decision
1 person likes this
@Marilynda1225 (83176)
• United States
29 Jun 17
@TheHorse I don't think she ever really liked me and maybe it's because I married her youngest son (her baby). She demanded a lot from him which always seemed to put him in a position to take her side even though I never felt there were sides to take. She would give my children sweets and soda which I didn't want them to have and would never adhere to my parenting. It's hard to put it all into a short comment here but she was mean, nasty and overbearing.
@dianadee (1778)
• South Africa
30 Jun 17
Agreeing to disagree can help to bring more harmony. Also keeping the back door walled up. People run out far too quickly and never work on their relationships.
Money or the lack of it, is one of the things that bring out the best, or worst in people, We went through severe lack financially but are on track again.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (67080)
• United States
29 Jun 17
Definitely money. Anyone can go broke unexpectedly. But not everyone has a good way of dealing with it.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (220646)
• Walnut Creek, California
30 Jun 17
@Courtlynn I had a gal dump me because I was not ambitious enough. I never told her how much I had in the bank. Heh.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (67080)
• United States
30 Jun 17
@TheHorse if someone makes it that way by their attitude and what not yeah.
1 person likes this
@annierose (21571)
• Philippines
30 Jun 17
I am not yet married but I have been in a relationship with a man who is of different nationality. We both have our stable jobs so money does not become an issue in our relationship. Once a year, we go on a trip abroad and I admit that travelling has played an important part in our relationship. It helps us learn more about each other. Our cultural differences , I must say, is the factor that gives stress to us. Language barrier is another thing since he finds it difficult to express himself in English sometimes. I, on the other hand, only knows the basics of his language.
@crazyhorseladycx (39509)
• United States
29 Jun 17
not takin' responsibility fer ones own actions.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (342448)
• Rockingham, Australia
29 Jun 17
Gosh, that's a hard one and I don't really want to go there. Travelling, Vince chats to anyone and everyone - like, forever! - even if he doesn't know the language. That's a bit of an exaggeration but I don't always feel like having great lengthy chats with strangers. He finds that hard to understand. I think money often plays a part but not in our case. We've never really been into spending beyond our means.
1 person likes this
@lovebuglena (44759)
• Staten Island, New York
30 Jun 17
Finances for sure, especially if one person works and the other does not, and the one that works doesn't make a whole lot of money. Also kids... If one person wants kids and the other person does not that could be a deal breaker.
@bellatt (63)
•
30 Jun 17
I think in-laws can be a problem if they step into an argument between a husband and wife. Parents intentions for helping their children may backfire causing a destruction of the relationship.All couples have different values when they marry. Before marriage they need to sit down and discuss what the marriage will be like.Values can be worked out and comprised each getting support from the other mate. All relationships have things come out over time. Its what you do with the information along with your reaction. I am a mother in-law to my daughter's husband. I stay out of their problems since it is something they have to work out between.
