When does stay at home parent get a break
@aCUNCUKabroad (42)
July 2, 2017 4:01pm CST
I am a stay at home mom to a 15 month old, and I could not be happier. But sometimes I feel like because I am the stay at home parent that my spouse leaves me to do most things with our son and the house, even when they are home or it's the weekend.
Please don't get me wrong I am not expecting my husband to go to work all day and then come home and immediately take our son while I get a break, however most days I feel like I never get to stop being mommy, or have a moment to breath. Even when our son goes down for his nap, which are anywhere from 1-3 hours, I find myself catching up on housework, prepping lunch and dinner and if I'm lucky fitting in a workout. Mind you until recently our son wasn't napping more then 20 min to an hour during the day, and usually he is up at 6am and bed by 8pm. He has issues sleeping and wakes ever 2 hours to breastfeed through the night...oh and did I mention he refuses a bottle! So for 15+ months I have been the only one able to put him to sleep and feed him. It feels like I don't get a break to breath let alone do anything but be mommy 24/7.
My husband works very hard and is an amazing provider, father and always pushes me to do more.I just sometimes feel like because I am a stay at home or homemaker, however you want to word it, he defers to me to do most of the child rearing as well as mainting the household( chores, pay bills, cook, etc) because he has to go to work all day. It leaves very little time for hubbies I use to have or time to just be.
I find that we have fights about how or what is expected from each of us, fights about me doing something for myself, something that gives me money on the side/ a career. Fights about how or what to let our son do.
It gets frustrating doing all this, trying to keep up with a fast, never stopping toddler and still try to find time to better myself.....all while being so SLEEP DEPRIVED!
So what is fair to expect from each other? What is a true role of a homemaker or stay at home parent( not just mothers cause fathers stay home too)? Since you are always at your "job"....when do you get to shut off?.....and how do you not feel guilty about expecting that you deserve some time to clock out just like a regular job?
9 people like this
11 responses
@peachpurple (13962)
• Malaysia
3 Jul 17
Ahh, you are experiencing the parenting blues now. I used to feel the same way too. As if all the responsibility of my child is on me not hubby. All the blame is on me when something goes wrong with my child. However, hubby doesn't understand your situation because he isn't experiencing it. So, try to get him involve with your JOB. Furthermore, you have to wait until your child is 2 years old, you get more help from your hubby and less work then.
@aCUNCUKabroad (42)
•
3 Jul 17
@MGjhaud I think it's more I just need him to sleep through the night soon. He is getting better with naps which helps me during the day. The cleaning aspect doesn't help since I'm a tad bit OCD about stuff lol.
1 person likes this
@aCUNCUKabroad (42)
•
3 Jul 17
Parents are in Canada and I'm in the USA...wish they were closer.
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
2 Jul 17
I was a SAHM, too, with 2 boys that were less than a year apart. I loved it but went through the same thing you're going through. First, you need to get him to accept a bottle with your milk in it. Can you pump and see if he'll do it? Try it every day. I did not have that kind of problem. Plus, my second son would not sleep long because he was hungry, my milk wasn't enough for him so I gave up and gave him formula. Then he slept just fine because his belly was full and satisfied. You may have a problem like that. Do you let him cry for more than a few moments or pick him up immediately? At 15 months, he is secure that he can trust you and it won't hurt him to cry a few minutes--he may decide he doesn't need you after all when he finds a distraction with a nightlight or a blanket or toy. Do you immediately offer to feed him or do you offer other comforts or toys? It's so hard to know what they really want because they aren't talking. My first one just wanted to cuddle, he was a love bug, and is now a very secure adult.
You need--NEED--to get out! Ask your pediatrician how to get him to take a bottle so you can have some "you" time. Can you afford to pay someone to clean? Do you have a neighbor who is also a mom who will trade babysitting so you can both get some time away?
I know you said your husband is great but there is a tendency for them to think that they are the only ones who work. They know we work hard but to them it isn't as hard as their work because we have the comforts of home. They don't realize what a hard, unrelenting job it is and it never, ever ends. We never get the satisfaction of a job well done because it's never done! And the only rewards are those we can't see or spend. It is frustrating at times and we feel so taken for granted. You have plenty of company!
I mean it, get that boy on a bottle of your milk or formula and get out of the house! What foods are he eating now besides cereal? How does he drink water?
2 people like this
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
3 Jul 17
Bringing up a child is tough specially if you have no support system to help you out occasionally. Most couple face problems during this period from what I have experienced and seen. The silver lining is that it is temporary and by the time , the child is 3 years old he r she will be far more independent ..in the meantime you could get a babysitter once in a while so that you both can go out by yourself and spend time together. It really helps ..
1 person likes this
@aCUNCUKabroad (42)
•
3 Jul 17
I think when we do get a night out we will probably sleep ??.
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
3 Jul 17
@aCUNCUKabroad Honestly I dont blame, you are perpetually sleep deprived at that stage ..
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
3 Jul 17
My husband and I used to fight about the same kind of things. However, things changed when my husband got hurt at work and he became the stay at home parent. He now realizes just how much I do at home and with our 5 children. He tells me almost every day how impressed he is with how much I get done every day. And he helps me whenever he is home and can.
I have found with anything that communication is the key. If you sit down and have a talk with each other about what you need or want, it helps a lot. Compromise also goes a very long way.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
3 Jul 17
We can understand that it is a difficult phase for you to look after toddler and household responsibilities. Don't worry this phase will pass. I feel that when your husband is at home, he should help you lessen your burden.
@beenice2 (2967)
• Sackville, New Brunswick
16 Jun 19
I am a stay at home mom since more than 27 years now. I found ways to have a break. I had a babysitter once and awhile. They took naps, I home schooled them too. I still homeschool my last one ( youngest). Time goes by and now one is married. But one thing I can say. I do not regret the decision me and my husband took before we got married.
@aCUNCUKabroad (42)
•
3 Jul 17
Family would be awesome if they were closer...alas we are a military family, and far from both sides.
Oh lord twins...love my son I couldn't do two of him at once.
@vsai2008 (11796)
• India
3 Jul 17
@aCUNCUKabroad However possible, please take a break
Yes, twins is whole lot of work
1 person likes this
@BossBabe (4)
• United States
30 Aug 17
This is how things used to be for me): I have been a Stay at Home Mom for over 2 years. My partner literally thought that since I stayed home with the babies that it meant he LITERALLY didn't have to do anything! I found myself crying from stress everyday. He thought I sat around doing nothing. I cooked, cleaned, did laundry, changed diapers, made bottles, and got not one single break! Like you said, sleeping or not, I didn't get a break. I worked from the moment my kids got up to the moment my head hit the pillow. And had to get up between those times to care for them! Just because they went to sleep at night, didn't mean I got to. That was the only time I got to catch up on things. And my partner used to get mad if there was a mess when he got home from work. Because he was convinced I did nothing. He even called me worthless. But now we are a full time family because I decided to take a jump on running this business!
