Am I Tired or am I Lazy?

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Sometimes I cannot tell the difference. I find myself wiped out by the evening on most days. I want to sit on the couch. I usually start on the couch too. Having my coffee in the mornings, sitting, browsing online. I've been extra tired for the last 4 years since I lost my son. I think that grief is this weight that just makes normal life more tiring. Even when I'm doing fine, that invisible weight is upon me. Maybe part of it is that on days where I don't feel ok, I still have to put on a happy face if I am teaching yoga or teaching art to 6 year olds. I can't just let go sometimes when maybe I want to. And it's tiring. Which makes me think of my six year old daughter.... After a FULL long day where she has been well behaved in public, she often has a full LONG meltdown when we get home. And I think it is exhausting for her sometimes to put on a happy face when she may be angry or hurt. Most people we are involved with are surprised when I tell them how terrible she gets when we leave co-op because she is SO good there. So yeah, I think she's tired by the end of the day. And that's me too. I'm tired. Sometimes I feel lonely because I haven't had enough social interaction, but then I will have TOO much social and I will feel exhausted. Of course, I think I have a hint of laziness in there too.... I can't always tell what's what though. I'm definitely not one of those moms who NEVER sits down. When I see those moms or hear about them, I feel like a bit of a lazy failure. But then I have to let go of that negativity. We are all different. Every single person is different from every single other person. So yeah, I'm both... I'm tired. I'm lazy. I'm human.