Forgive but don't forget - can this really work?
By kiran8
@kiran8 (15348)
Mangalore, India
August 2, 2017 12:51pm CST
This is the advice normally given when you have had some bad experience with people. But actually thinking about it , I have my own reservations about this supposedly wise advise.
For example if the person concerned is a close family member or a friend and we adopt the same policy of forgiving but not forgetting, the future becomes very confusing for them. Any mistake made by the person will probably be misunderstood simply because of their past . Such a thing has happened in our school where a teenager who was into petty crime was warned and forgiven but looks like no one has forgotten. Because, every time there is an incident of indiscipline he comes under suspicion . I wonder if this natural human reaction or do we need to change our way of handling things and thinking so as to instil confidence in people who may have wronged but need to be given a second chance with no strings attached !
12 people like this
13 responses
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
2 Aug 17
I think it is wise to use discernment as well as looking at the past.
There are those who I will never forgive nor ever trust again in life, but it is well deserved in these cases.
However, I do realize that people that have made previous transgressions are not always responsible for future happenings.
4 people like this
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
2 Aug 17
If its someone close to you it easier said than done to forgive them.
Takes time and I work at forgiving them every so often and I forgive me also and gradually the memory of all that is fading out like it never was.
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
6 Aug 17
@lovinangelsinstead21 I agree, it also relieves stress when you forget and move on ..
1 person likes this
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
3 Aug 17
@kiran8
There will always be things or issues to forgive and forget.
I work on at least two a lot of the time.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100897)
• India
2 Aug 17
I believe it is easier said than done. I follow a policy of dissociating that incidence from the person, if I am forced to interact with the person, and if it comes up again, bad stuff is inevitable, and I forgive me. Hey, you did not start it, that person did, or if you did not react that way the person would be encouraged to do more like x, y, z..so you had to nip it in bud..you did not wrong me tells me..
2 people like this
@beesure11 (234)
•
2 Aug 17
If you are going to forgive someone for something. You should really forgive them. Forgiving means just what it says to forgive. Don't hold it over their head for the rest of their lives.
If something happens, don't think of that person being the one who did it. How are they suppose to move on to try and better themselves? Where is the trust from you? Forgiving is a form of trust. You are forgiving this person trusting that they will not do this again. By holding this over their head when something similar happens. You are not being forgiven.
Remember he who has never done anything wrong should not throw stones. Put yourself in their shoes.
2 people like this
once we decide to forgive we need to go all the way and holding people's past mistakes over their heads is being very narrow minded .
@dpk262006 (58679)
• Delhi, India
3 Aug 17
I think this dictum could work on one to one basis. If someone has done wrong with us, we may forgive him/her and we may try to forget his folly. However, in case of a student and where larger group is involved, this dictum may not apply fully. It is wrong on the part of teacher(s) to look towards the guy with suspicion, every time something goes wrong in the school.
I fully agree with you that he should be given a second chance to improve himself and should not be suspected in any case involved mischief or disobedience.
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
3 Aug 17
It is the same with me , not sure whether it is good or bad . I have been back stabbed several times by people who I trusted and went all out to help. I now keep my interactions with them to the bare minimum although they pretend as we f nothing has happened and go all out to be friendly. Honestly I can't pretend .
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
8 Aug 17
That is very difficult indeed. I believe that it is hard to fully forgive if one doesn't forget.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
13 Aug 17
@kiran8 True there. I think forgetting is easiest when it was only a one time incident, but if a person keeps doing something, it is almost impossible to forget
