What Types of Friends Do You Have?
By Shiva
@Shiva49 (26774)
Singapore
August 25, 2017 11:12pm CST
Frankly I have few real friends, but there are always the well-wishers to chip in in times of need. I try to keep a distance as some friends were intrusive. My attitude is to give space. When needed, extend help that I can but keep it discreet.
I do not confide personal issues in others. I find it creates more problems than solve. Once I was in short term financial need and I broached that to one who was always asking searching questions about even private issues. Then he adroitly changed the subject.
Sometimes friends are sounding boards for me for issues relating to work or about general matters. Mostly, I feel lost for topics after a while with most. And then those my age seem to be less independent as they are dependent on their children mostly.
Thankfully, social media has come to our rescue. We can relate with those across the globe like we do here. That shows we are from the same source, with same feelings and, hopefully, going to the same destination.
What are your expectations from your friends? Do you have soulmates to confide in with utmost trust?
Free Image: from Wikipedia
31 people like this
32 responses
@lookatdesktop (27134)
• Dallas, Texas
26 Aug 17
On a purely social level I trust many other's points of view but as for soulmates? I only have one, my wife. She does not participate on social media sites. Not because I told her not to, but her own choice. She and I understand this difference in choices on a purely intellectual level.
7 people like this
@lookatdesktop (27134)
• Dallas, Texas
26 Aug 17
@Shiva49 , it is the best thing to do. I would not want to spend time associating with a person who for instance, who is always right and is not respectful of my concerns as I would prefer to share some common ground with the other person and feel as you say, comfortable with them.
6 people like this
@JudyEv (342100)
• Rockingham, Australia
27 Aug 17
Apart from my husband, there are very few people that I confide in. Some people aren't very discreet and I'd rather not take the chance of things I've said being spread. Social media is good in that sense as it connects you to people but it is easier to keep a distance if necessary.
6 people like this
@Shiva49 (26774)
• Singapore
27 Aug 17
I have paid the price for being too trusting.
We all have our inner thoughts that we cannot share with most though I air them as a general take on social media.
All said and done, though we have the similar fears, faults and aspirations it is better to be safe than sorry - siva
6 people like this
@YrNemo (20255)
•
27 Aug 17
I have certain 'advisers' or 'consultants' in matters of family, work, investment, handyman stuff etc. They are mainly my family members or very old friends. I have never approached them for money, those who realized I was in need of something, often just bring the items to my place, and I settled things with them then.6 people like this
@vandana7 (100616)
• India
29 Sep 17
It pretty much depends upon what needs to be shared and with whom. Somethings, when held back, can lead to health problems. We human beings are such psychosomatic beings. If an issue is disturbing more than a day of my waking hours, yes, I will share it. I need help to come out of it. Yes, I know how it is when you ask financial help. But I also know that some people are not worth helping. I helped somebody last year, and was willing to extend the help with a few more thousands, but the guy wanted it all, to make me a slave in my home. Another person I helped, started sending regular plea for helps, after having wasted away more than 400 dollars that were sent to him. So I stopped helping there. This year, I helped somebody because he had borrowed substantial amount from my father with a promise to return it within three months, and that was more than three years ago. So I called him over, had a little chat, asked him to give me monthly interest checks if he is unable to pay. He said he doesn't have checkbook, because he owes bank. How much? I gave him, entered a proper promissory note, asking him to repay within three years. Six months later, he came to my door step again, this time claiming he has issues about GST. I gave him another small sum. Now, he refused to return the monies, saying I like him kind of derogatory sense, and laughed, you only say it like that, you will give me more monies, we should keep this relationship going on. Ironically, he is also 42. That drove me mad. I threatened to deposit his checks and used foul language. Finally, he has realized (I think) that I don't fancy him, and it was essentially to ensure that my monies came in time that I extended that help. He is to pay me 18000+ on October 2nd. Let us see, if he manages or whether I have to deposit the check.
3 people like this
@Shiva49 (26774)
• Singapore
30 Sep 17
Thanks for sharing your experiences.
My point was more to highlight those who are more than inquisitive in our private lives than being a true friend in need.
Some approach me for loans and I help where I can and some given as charity and that is made clear when I give. I do not borrow from anyone except on one occasion where I needed funds to show in my bank account to get a visa. My boss was rich and I told him he could refuse and I would have no hard feelings. Be forthright so that I can find alternate ways was my clear approach.
I would have appreciated my friend being frank like I am used to so that I know the position clearly and not pretend to be momentarily deaf! .
Agreed financial dealings can lead to loss of money as well as relationship. I have lost about $10,000 when some supposed wealthy took money and pretended to forget while the poor have been more trustworthy.
I also have experiences when people keep on pressing for money till we make clear we cannot give anymore and then cut the contacts! It is their character and I comfort myself - it takes all sorts to make a world.
The one thing I have learned - give what I can afford to lose and now that my working days are over, give only to the deserving - siva
4 people like this
@Shiva49 (26774)
• Singapore
30 Sep 17
@vandana7 I can understand your hurt feelings.
When government here tells it is the duty of children to look after their parents and not abandon them, some have turned around to remonstrate their parents ignored them when they were young to start with! So filial piety cannot grow on trees! It has to be nurtured.
We did not have children for fourteen years and I know how some can be more than intrusive. And I know of couples and the unmarried who attract the wrong attention. I have few of my close ones who just take advantage and when we take cover they play victims. I recall few who just take and take and when we reach the the end of the tether, we are left dangling!
Some are born to give while some just take without a conscience - their skin is thicker than a wild buffalo that even a lion gives up! siva
3 people like this
@cherigucchi (14876)
• Philippines
3 Oct 17
As much as possible I do not want to expect but sometimes I just cannot help it and it breaks my heart. I have few but good friends in life.
3 people like this
@epiffanie (11326)
• Australia
27 Aug 17
Thanks to social media, it gives me the chance to have more meaningful interaction with other people that I don't get with in the physical presence with others ...As I get older, I feel complete and not feeling lonely in my aloneness .. 
4 people like this
@Shiva49 (26774)
• Singapore
27 Aug 17
Yes, one of the great benefits from social media is we can have a wider circle of like minded people than was possible before. And we can also step back without causing as much offence than when we deal with people directly face-to-face.
I may be alone most of the time but never feel lonely and I have more time for people who really matter to me. Happy that you are comfortable now with your aloneness and I too have changed my outlook over time - siva
4 people like this
@innertalks (22088)
• Australia
27 Aug 17
Most of us need at least one good friend.
When someone thinks that they are too big to have friends because they think that they have grown past all of their friends, they are lonely, because friends allow them to hold onto a compassionate stance, that belies the selfishness inbred from being "me" only, and from our being so self-hungry for self-growth, that we are ignoring of others.
Friends are good for us, because we can share our lives with them.
Here is John chapter 15, verse 15, from the Christian Bible:
"I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you."
Even Jesus Christ himself then valued having friends.
@innertalks (22088)
• Australia
27 Aug 17
"An honest enemy is better than a best friend who lies."
From the writer, Vandi Tanko.
An honest enemy is a juxtaposition of terms, in some regards, as all enemies will try to destroy you, and yet some do so honestly in the sense that they think that they are doing right and try to act in a right standup-fronted sort of way still.
Whereas a friend who lies is no true friend because they are not connecting to you fully as themselves.
3 people like this
@Shiva49 (26774)
• Singapore
28 Aug 17
@innertalks Meaningful quote Steve, worth remembering. We may have many "friends" but some bolt when we really need them faster than Usain Bolt!
No one should take advantage of another's kindness but no harm in asking for help, even financial, when in dire need. Once I had to show some funds in my bank account for a short while and I asked the one who was very invasive in the way he asked even personal questions, he then pretended not to hear what I said and changed the topic. I may add I have extended all types of help to close friends and I can take a forthright no for an answer without hard feelings.
Yeah, the old saying "a friend in need is a friend indeed" is what friendship is about - siva
3 people like this
@Shiva49 (26774)
• Singapore
27 Aug 17
I have had some friends all the time but some have fallen by the wayside as our lives have taken different paths. Yes, we need friends as we cannot live in isolation or in an ivory tower.
I have always had the few I related with but not as a trusted confidant on personal issues. I might have been more trusting during younger days but I was played out, short-changed, to make me guarded in my approach.
Then again, I might have expected more understanding from friends which could have been unrealistic and my yardstick was not fair. I am now comfortable with my take on friendship at a lower level than I pursued earlier - siva
3 people like this
@Neiltarquin (1062)
• Rass, Saudi Arabia
26 Aug 17
This is my honest opinion.... I don't care about what my friends can give me. I am happy that they are with me and a part of my life. All of them are my real friend and I don't count them because friends come and go... My family is more important...
4 people like this
@Shiva49 (26774)
• Singapore
26 Aug 17
Yes, family is for life even though we may not agree with them.
I have become circumspect with friendship as some have played me out financially.
There are always the very few who I can connect with though we may not be in regular touch - siva
3 people like this
@weevee18 (2065)
• Philippines
26 Aug 17
I have a few friends too. I think that as you grow up your circle of friends tend to get smaller.
I don't mind and I prefer it. I want my friends to always be here for me no matter what but when I want privacy they wouldn't mind as well. Not sure about soulmate but I have only 1 bestfriend which I can tell everything to. She's already living in another country but we keep in touch.
4 people like this
@ptrikha_2 (47064)
• India
2 Oct 17
Well frankly, I have very few friends who are very close. And even with those 1 or 2 I am quite careful. I better prey to Lord Krishna for his mercy and guidance as a friend. Wife is also a good friend but sometimes there are things like job related problems which we can't discuss with them.
3 people like this
@Shiva49 (26774)
• Singapore
10 Oct 17
Even with very close friends there are limits.
I do my best and accept the results whatever they are.
Thankfully for me there are no downs or ups, just varied experiences.
The darkest hour is just before dawn.
I do not share worrying aspects of job with family but see to it that they are realistic.
We have to adjust to the realities - siva .
1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
6 Sep 17
Yes thank goodness for myLot Siva.
I am like you in that way..friends are lacking.
3 people like this
@responsiveme (22926)
• India
22 Sep 17
I have some very good friends and so thankful for them...As for others like you I keep a distance
3 people like this
@Shiva49 (26774)
• Singapore
22 Sep 17
Good to have some friends that can extend a hand in times of need.
I have few who might rise to the occasion but I would rather not test them unless in dire need.
However, when they let me down strangers walk in as we are one and the same.
We have to perceive the oneness above the apparent duality - siva
3 people like this
@mildredtabitha (16147)
• Nairobi, Kenya
6 Sep 17
I am an introvert with too many social media friends.
3 people like this
@rubyriaz007 (4188)
• India
1 Oct 17
I have a very good friend, with whom I share everything.She also shares with me everything..Friends should be understanding, and trustworthy..
3 people like this
