Being 30

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Hi, I wanted to ask everyone who are 30 or older (wow, as I typed this, I felt that weird feeling) how you feel about that age. I remembered I was 29, 28, etc years old and I didn't feel anything, just enjoying life like usual. I had a great feeling when I was younger and even thought that when I was 30, I'd be feeling the same because I got scare when I was gonna be 20 and didn't, I was "uh, okay, I'm 20. Continue life." I turned 30 and was barely changing but still okay and didn't make a big deal. So my parents and I went to vacation (I mean vacation, the best get away from problems, overthinking and stress, etc) where I was enjoying myself like every time we come. I mean I was spending great time with a cousin over there, not thinking about anything other than me feeling and acting excited. One day though, like usual, a great day hanging with my cousin, I accompanied him to do his errands for himself or his mom, helped him cleaned his sister's farm or lot they grow corn, we went out to eat, went for a walk, went out to dinner at night and went to his room afterwards before I hit the hay. We were talking about sports and like a great place to hang soon while I was over there (meaning nothing depressing or issues conversation), his room was with lights on (meaning the background wasn't a grey theme to represent a sad feeling like grey clouds), and were watching a comedy channel (meaning it was all funny and laughing, nothing with sadness because someone in the show lost a love one or anything like that) so there was no reason to feel depress. That moment though having my thoughts busy on what was going on that day (not the future) or moment and not about anything else, I just felt like woozy or something, and suddenly I felt a change out of nowhere something I didn't expect (like as if you were hanging and someone just tapped you and you feel like wow) and felt strange. When we got home from vacation, that feeling still stuck on me I was barely able to managed it. I kept busy after vacation not thinking about anything but work, and a relax evening like how I would do regularly at home and sleeping well. One night though, without intention, I mean we came from vacation like a month or 2 ago, but I didn't keep the vacation in my head til next time we go so at that night, it was out of my mind already but again unexpectedly, I just thought of it and what I thought was in the way future like one day I might go and see my parents room and my mom's make up things drawer and it's gonna remind me of them and start feeling depressed. I never felt like this even though my cousin once explain there was nothing we can do but that mind came suddenly. I felt like this or a sudden depressed like didn't want to talk to anyone before my grandma passed and thought it's another sign. I try to think that it's gonna happen to everyone's parents and I'm not the only one and also look how my cousins who are 30 and over 30 who are still happy like before in their 20's and know their parents well..yea. I even see my mom being goofy and all and know she can cope after years after my grandpa passed and try to think I can do the same as everyone else but this feeling comes to me going "no, no, no, you are not gonna be happy anymore," because each time I try to think positive and feel it's coming to my old great feelings again, that woozy feeling comes back out of nowhere again. I say it's like entering the other half of my life but others I bet will say, "that doesn't make sense," or "what do you mean, other half?" Sometimes I just say the truth, the days are getting closer and closer. I try not to think and try to think that there's no such thing as going to the next half of life or is it the next section of life but I felt this like months ago. Why all of a sudden, is it with change in my body that causes these things when changing age as I got these feelings before, but now I'm making a big deal thinking what I never thought before, its getting closer and closer. I talked to my cousins if she changed when she turned 30 and she said no and also was the one who said how I can coped with the future but I understood that and was able to understand, now though I get scared. I don't feel depress, just scared of it but try to think I can be happy still but I can't imagine it. After that sudden thought about vacation, each time I see my parents, I feel like not wanting to stare at them or look because well...yea.. My parents even felt like worried I lost or not as "goofy" (quotation as if according/supposedly I was funny, not saying I was) as I used too..how do you guys feel or felt being 30 or turned 30. Well I can be happy at times like before but all I get is scared. When I feel like this, I can still talk to others and be with the crowd unlike when I was depress. Is scared part of depression, in your opinion. Can it be all in my head? I kind of did stopped listening to music because I thought there was no point, and did feel desperate by hurting myself like wanting to beat my feelings making me feel like this up. I give up on chips, burgers, sodas the time it happen, could it be that changing can cause it? But then I have given up on soda during lent and never felt anything strange like I do now. My brother and cousin also changed their dieting from fast food and they're the same so I don't know what it is. Thanks