How can you be your real self, without hiding from yourself?

Easier said than done. I want to be like you. :) The other day there was a lady on one of the reality shows. She was so unassuming...so unassuming...gosh...it made me feel I was the most wicked person on earth. lol. Her neighbors teased her that she won't earn anything on the show. So when she earned 80000 INR...she said coolly ..I am very happy I earned 10000..now nobody is going to laugh at me back home...LOL

@vandana7 Yes, I cannot really yet do it either. But I do like to try on these writing platforms to say what I really think, and at least to be my real self here.

Yes, I agree with that, although most of us grow up wanting to be like our favourite hero, we should not let that distract us from our being of our real self.

@innertalks Yes because we get so uncomfortable if we can`t be ourselves. The more we show what we are the better our minds can be

@m_audrey6788 That's true. We just don't feel that we are wearing the right outer clothes, for our soul...LOL...if we are not matching our outerness to our innerness, and vice versa.

I think our inner and outer happiness is linked to our being ourselves too. When we are not our real self, we cannot be truly happy whilst we are being this way, I think.

@innertalks Steve, that is a good response! We should really want to do what is pleasing to God. Let's take the example of where we are a critical person and in expressing our criticism we hurt the feelings of people. Maybe we are like that but do we want to stay and continue that way because that's what we are or should we change what we are?

@1hopefulman Yes, but the first step I guess is to recognise these traits within ourselves, and the second is to accept the fact that we need to grow in love, and God's truths, in order for us with God's help, and forgiveness, to free ourselves from these self-indulgent, sinful, ways. I think that we are here on Earth to grow in our understanding of God's love, to expand our God-given talents or gifts, through growing ourselves the wisdom to be able to utilise them fully to bear fruit for God in this individually God given gift of this life-time of ours. If we bury our talents because we are afraid to grow and to change, or because we just want to stay as we think that we are, because that is us, as we are, we are limiting ourselves from growing, and we then become like the withered vine, that God in the bible uprooted, because it was not producing any produce for him.

Thanks, Felix. I like your straightforward and simple advice here. Jesus told us in the Christian bible to love God with our whole person. Saint Matthews's gospel, chapter 22, verse 37. "Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."' God will always do his part for us when we love God with our whole being. This also means conversely that when we go away from love, we move, not so much away from God, as we cannot really ever move away from him, but more into our false self-serving self of sin then instead.

That's a lot of questions that I have trouble with too. And yet when I am not being true to myself, I tend to not like myself then much either. I add insult to my injury then. I have never been able to do this fully anyway in the real world myself, as yet. Perhaps at the start though, hey just be you to you, and let the world be itself to itself. If they are not ready to accept you, just blend in as best you can, but inside still be you to you, just as much as you can do so. In other words, love yourself, love being you to you. I think that's what that jingle is trying to say. I liked it too. A catchy little tune.

@innertalks Blending in is "not being you" ..lol. Blending in to an extent is good. But if it is going to hurt us at a later stage, forcing us to be bad, then we might as well nip things in bud. Inside, we know what we are!

@vandana7 Blending in would also include not forcing ourselves onto others, I think. We do not have to be ourselves forcefully, and yet we can know inside that we have still been true to ourselves, without needing to be a pain and preach our own ideas to every other person unasked. There is a fine line to tread here though, we do not want to hurt ourselves at a later stage, as you said either.

I am not sure if it is deception to show our best face to others, because to me our best face must be, can only be, our real face. To show any other face to anyone, is meaning we are not being our real self, because we are afraid of the consequences of our being this real self amongst these other people. Deeper down it means that we also are afraid of our being of our real self. We have not yet fully accepted who we really are yet either. The author Marianne Williamson talked about this in her book, "Return to Love." "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Very well said

@m_audrey6788 Thanks for adding your comment here.

Very succinctly said siva. Only one thing I might add to that. We should not try to be our real selves so much that we try to shine too brightly over others in such a way that we invade their space with our searchlight! And on the other hand, if our own light has gone out, as it might seem to do at times, there is nothing wrong then in allowing somebody else's candle to reflame our light, and to throw some wood onto our fire, to help to rekindle it for us, because we have dampened it too much down with our own tears. Love always goes both ways I think.

@innertalks I totally agree, however I think until you get older or stronger a lot of people do not do this. As you are afraid of not "fitting in" or being liked. Then there is also people that take a while to find themselves. I do think being true to yourself leads to a person being happier.

@Ithink Sometimes we can discover who we are not first. I often think in a certain way, and then I realise that that is not my thinking at all, for example. That was my Dad's thinking that had infiltrated itself into me. If we start looking for our real self's responses like this though, I think our real self responses will start to be felt, or intuited more then too. I agree it can sometimes take a long time to find out who we really are. I am not sure if this is because our real self is growing right alongside of us too, so maybe, at times, it feels that we are chasing a moving target. If our real self was a fixed entity, unchanging, I would not see the point of that. I think we have a soul that has far more experience that which we have in our body, and mind, and so it can help us, but it too is still growing from our/its experiences too. I see the whole process of creation as one of continued growth, in understanding, and the gaining of wisdom in our understanding of God's truths, and in the application of his love in our own lives too.

Yes, society certainly moulds us into fitting in at times, and to be a part of society, we need to do this, at times. I am of the opinion though that our real self is always a "good" self. Some people are afraid that their real self is not good, and that it might be bad then, if they be their real self. I think that if we are really being our real self, not a pretended real self, this is the best self that we could ever give to the world, and so we would add to society by our doing of this, not take anything away from it.

Maybe not, nothing works all of the time.

I do think that it might take a lot of courage, and even a lot of years for people to identify and to recognise who their real self really is. I, for one, thought for many years that my thoughts were my own, when they were really my father's indoctrinated ones coming out from me. I think connecting to our higher self helps us to be our real self, as this part of us is a part of our real self, as is our physical self, our emotional self, our mental self, or our mind. We need to accept and integrate together all parts of ourselves to be our real selves. When we reject any part of our self, even rejecting a part of our physical self, we take something away, we step away a bit from our being (fully or all) of our real selves then too.

@FayeHazel Yes, thanks for your hearty endorsements. I also have been living the "goals" of other people, but partly the reason for this also was that I hadn't sorted myself out either. I just did not know for sure, what I wanted to do, or what my goals, or life purpose, or spiritual mission, or spiritual gifts, what all of these things were for me. When we do not be ourselves, or know who we are, as yet, we often fill up our vacuum with other people's ideas, and goals and plans for our lives then instead.

@innertalks Oh that is beautiful - all of it but that last couple of sentences. Exactly right. You are on to something. FOr years I thought my goals were my own when they weren't. They were either my folks' goals or societies' goals. It is amazing the power of our formative years

Good point. That's very true. It is only our real self that determines our true future for us.

Yes, it's a good question to ponder over. A lot of people here have given some really good thought and answers here to this question too.

@Shiva49 The way this mylot works, I sometimes get lost in here, trying to reply to people. Comments on top of comments. Comments jumping places so no longer being easily linked to the original comment. I go around in circles here sometimes, until I just restart at the beginning once more and work my way right through it all again. Life is a bit like that too...LOL...

@innertalks Our life experiences should lead us to ask the right questions than getting lost in going around in circles; we should develop a logical mindset - siva

Well, that's true I guess, as long as you are not too much trouble to yourself ....LOL...

@William21001 That is also usually very true, unless we become our own worst enemy, and stop learning from our experiences. We actually never stop learning though, as our soul will take any lesson on board, and will try to find a way for itself to feed this lesson back to us so that we will not ignore it. This could be in a dream, or even from some life problem, that makes us rethink our own position in this life. It is often said that we learn the most from such a misfortune, or what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, says the same thing.

@innertalks Never to much trouble for yourself as we grew we learn and as we learn we mature

I do not know if I would put it that strongly, or would I. Sometimes the psychologists tell us to pretend that we are happy for example, and this will tend to move us in that direction. Force ourselves to smile, and other parts of us will follow suit. We have to find out what part of us is the real pretender then. The part of us living falsely against the other parts. I know what you mean though, lying to ourselves never works, Only honesty works, being true to ourselves. Is there a place for pretending in any life then? On reflection, I would say that the psychologists have got it wrong there. Any pretence actually fractures relationships, either outwardly with others, or inwardly with yourself. These psychologists should be more simply saying not to pretend, but to merely contact the happy part of you that is always still there, despite all else. The rest of the idea is ok though, smiling opens the door to happiness.

@innertalks Most people pretend to just get what they want.

@nangayo Yes, that's a sort of manipulation of others in some cases. Most people think it's all about themselves, but to me, this is their ego self acting for them, not their real self.

Yes, if we are encouraged to be true to our self, and to be our true self, early in our life, it would certainly lead us to a more happy, fulfilled, and confident future life for us then, I think too. You raise an interesting point there too. Can we connect more strongly to our real self in our childhood years, or in our adult years? I think that a young child is closer to God of course than an adult usually is, and when we are a child, our soul allows this direct God relationship to continue, until it starts to lessen in its strength, and then our soul moves closer to us, so to speak, sort of replacing the other connection, in a way, until we again go back to God again, in our beliefs. Our soul is our real self, and it is also connected to God, its real self, so to speak, as all is God.

@chunchunwadaddy Yes, if we do not remain open to this connection, I expect the pressures of life as we grow older might tend to shut it off a bit, especially if we even doubt such a connection exists.

@innertalks I would say in our early youth to adult years as we tend to take more stock of ourselves and settle into who we are.

Yes, I would agree with that. There is no point shouting out loud who we are, when a bully is looking for us, for example. There is no point telling everyone that we drive a roll's royce, or carry the ace of spades in our pocket, just to trump someone else. Humility has the poker face in its arsenal too I suspect...LOL...

Thanks, yes, in that sense our real self is always our real self. It is like the guy that said that you can't change perfection, but if you try to be perfect, that changes it.

Yes, that always a good idea, to give yourself time to silent with yourself. Meditation is popular in this respect.